Nah, Buddy. Come on... Just let all the emotion flood out. You'll feel better for it.
I was basically just going through a really tough patch in my life when I first started throwing money at Nicole, I was going through a really rough depressive episode, I was still having problems with drink despite my best efforts to give it up (I've sorted that out and haven't touched the stuff in about two months now) and my best mate had just died. So things weren't exactly golden for me.
Add on top of that the pressures of starting uni and Nicole being all buddyish with me to an almost unprofessional degree and it was a recipe for disaster. I should probably have avoided having any contact with her outside of her work, but it just sort of happened and I kind of regret it. I acted like a bit of a twat to her, but she was pretty much the only lifeline I had at the time.
And yes I was that guy who was mentioned in a previous thread as being the one who booked a ridiculously fluffy overnight with her. We ended up just sitting around with Daria, smoking weed and eating pizza all night. We had made plans to meet up again after christmas, but nothing ever came of it and I never heard from her again. Most likely because she cottoned on to the fact that the individual who posted her new profile in Hounslow here was me, which seriously pissed her off due to her concerns about the people she had previously worked for giving her trouble. I hadn't realised that was a concern for her, so I rushed to post it here in the hope that it would get her more custom from her old regulars. But it was a bad move on my part. And I managed to screw up one of the only good things I had in my life at that time.