Okay, this is my first review so bear with me.
Safe to say this was a pretty awful experience all around, arrived at the venue on a weekend. Decided to check in after hearing some great reviews and because I've wanted to try out an experience like this but in a Hammam. The novelty of it greatly appealed to me. After paying £140.00 for a relaxing massage and Hammam bath experience, I was led downstairs and shown around, the place looked very modern and sleek despite the fact they have a very large HotTub that wasn't working (surprise surprise) which killed the mood a little. Place seemed very quiet besides one or two other guests. (They do appear to get legit customers which I found interesting.)
I changed, and proceeded into a Sauna as instructed by Alina who was showing me around. The sauna was decent quality, large, warm and nicely designed, however let's be honest, I wasn't primarily here for the Sauna. So this had little bearing on the overall impact of my rating of this experience.
After about fifteen minutes in the Sauna I was met by Mia, who appeared to be very unenthusiastic about what was about to take place. I was led to the Hammam baths, what took place there it is safe to say was not great. The concept is you flat on a stone bathing bed or wall, the lady then proceeds to give you a full body wash, nice enough concept and I've experienced this before and had a great time. However, this one was pretty terrible. For a start it appears Mia was attempting to use as little soap and water as humanly possible. Instead opting primarily to use the hard sponge instead with little regard for her work or my comfortability. She spoke in a commanding voice. barking orders at me to turn over, stand up, or lie down. She proceeded to do two whole body washes none of which were pleasant especially as the plastic inflatable cushion they use to prop your head up is horribly uncomfortable to lay on.
After this awful experience I was finally led to the massage rooms, which strangely are back upstairs. Odd layout.
After being led to the massage room and after being suggested to lie down naked, which was actually a pretty nice turn on. Mia proceeded to engage in as much time wasting as possible, frequently opening the door to grab various items she needed while I was in full view of the corridor allowing my naked body to be seen by any passing person who happened to be wondering by. Luckily by this point the place was pretty empty.
She came back in and began the massage, it appears my choice of a 'relaxing massage' may have been a mistake, as it was extremely light. Mostly consisting of light touches on the back with very little force being applied whatsoever. When it came to the sensual elements she seemed to be paying extra attention to my buttocks and groin while I was on my back, this part would have been enjoyable had it not been for her atrocious lack of effort and skill.
Mia seems to either have virtually no enthusiasm no training or perhaps just couldn't be bothered at all. Because it seemed rather than really engaging with the massage her touches were brief, inconsistent, with no flow, rhythm, or sensuality beyond touching me in traditional no go areas. After then being instructed to turn over she then began the massage of my front area, after what felt like very little time at all. She stated in a very stroppy matter of fact manner that she offered either HE with top off for £40.00 or b2b for £80.00......
Stupidly..... I decided to opt for b2b for £80.00. Mia then proceeded to strip naked taking as much time as humanly possible messing around with the radio, heater and lights. She climbed on top of the table and delivered a truly awful b2b experience, that seemed to involve getting as far away from me as possible while still being able to claim it was a b2b massage. Using her breasts mostly and little else in the way of massaging me. She also offered to let me finger her strangely, but by this point I jsut wanted the whole experience to be over with. Rather, than opting for any edging at all during the final finish, she seemed to opt for the jerking as fast as possible method in the hope to just get the whole thing over with. Which she succeeded in doing, however to say it was pleasurable would be a hard reach...
Once it was finally over she simply got off the table, began a head massage, if you can call it that...
And then instructed me to get changed. As I made my way back downstairs and began changing there was a knock on the door. Mia was standing there simply with her hand out and a glum look on her face, like a teenager asking for pocket money. I gave her the money and she walked out. As I left the changing room I again, spotted her sitting on the bench outside playing on her phone, to be polite and friendly I said goodbye.
Not even looking up from her phone she said quietly, "Oh yeah... Okay, goodbye". A little rude I thought, I know this is basically a rub & tug place but at least have some basic manners & decorum. On my way out I said thank you & goodbye to the receptionist who accused me of having taken £1.00 off her for the locker! (Explanation - You have to use a one pound coin for the changing locker there.)
Rude, rude, rude.. I told her firmly this was not the case, and she admitted she must have made a mistake and replied, "Okay that's fine then..." Again, rude....
All in all, horrible experience. Perhaps Mia is the weakest link at this place and the other girls are great, either way though I shan't be returning anytime soon and can't where these other reviewers are coming from with these positive reviews that have been popping up.
Contact details:Phone number 020 3112 0021