My first punt was around 1998, I think. As a bloke in his mid-twenties who hadn't had a shag for over 5 years I decided to pay a professional to solve the problem. I found a prostitute fairly local to me at the time via a contact magazine. I arrived by cab and immediately made the mistake of knocking on the wrong door. Thankfully nobody was a home, and after a few minutes of searching up and down the road (I may as well have had a neon sign above my head flashing ‘first time punter’) I managed to find the right address.
I knocked on the door and from inside a voice barked “who is it?!?1”. “Erm, I have an appointment” I said and the door finally opened. I think her working name was something naff like Sexy Sally and on the phone she claimed to be mid-thirties but in reality she was early fifties. She did however have tits the size of zeppelins which pleased me greatly. Shoes off and 60-quid handed over for ‘full sex’. She asked me to strip and pretty much mirrored me undressing. Once I was lying on the bed she then removed her smalls.
She gave me a quick (very light) massage and the then whipped out a condom. There was no kissing, no touchy feely foreplay, no fingering, no cock-sucking (all of which were extras), although I do remember stroking her arse just the once. She rammed the condom on with a vice-like grip around my cock, and as per my worst fears, I exploded immediately. She smiled and then, out of sympathy I assumed, climbed onto my wilting cock, performed a very slight rise and fall, and then climbed off and covered her tits up.
"Er, is that it then" I asked somewhat nervously. "Well, unless you want to come again" she said. "I think I can manage that" I said, cheekily, but completely getting the wrong end of the stick. "That'll be another £60 then" she said holding her hand out. Sensing that I had been the victim of, quite literally a heavy handed tactic to make me cum as quickly as possible, I got dressed and walked home in state of simultaneous despair and elation. With my head filled with porn prior to the booking, the hour long festival of love I had planned hadn't quite worked out as I imagined it would.
Still, 2 days later I managed to find a girlfriend and for the next few years had it pretty much on tap. Funny how things like that work out.