External Link/Members OnlyExternal Link/Members OnlyMeet took place 4th November
Fee: £40 on the gate and £40 to ???? in room (upfront whilst I was bollock naked)
Comms: Efficient via text and a phone call
Venue: large shop front with the name plastered across it. Located on the corner of a busy junction on Nell lane right by some traffic lights where the Met passes over.
The girl: So during the phone conversation and again via text I requested to book “Emma” who is advertised on the Twitter account and on the text I received as “Emma is our sexy and naughty masseuse. Standing at 5' 5 with brown fabulous figure Size 8-10, 34D”
The girl I had had neither a fabulous brown figure, nor did she have 34D and categorically did not look like the Emma in the Twitter photos!
Event: Arrived at the shop to note the door was unlocked and ready for me to walk in…. In to what feels like behind the counter of a Chinese takeaway, there’s pans on the go, and it absolutely stinks, also very scruffy.
I was welcomed by a scruffy looking Chinese woman in an apron who asked if I was there for a massage (at a massage shop?) and then started screaming upstairs in Chinese.
I was ordered up the stairs and greeted by another Chinese woman who says to me “you have booking” to which I reply yes with Emma at 11…
Alarm bells ringing already here as this is definitely not the Emma from the photos or the description.
“Yes I emma” she proclaims…..
Right ok
So I proceed in to the room, cold, dark, but a decent massage bed with the usual white paper dressing and small towel folded up. I get naked and lie on my front waiting for maybe 5 mins to see who comes through the door. Sure enough it was the girl I met at the top of the stairs proclaiming to be Emma.
So clearly a bait and switch/false advertising.
Anyway, in for a penny in for a pound. She asks me how I would like my massage and I opt for medium.
The reason and only reason this review is a neutral is because the massage was actually very good, structured, good pressure and she worked out some knots that she found all by herself, because she barely spoke a word of the queens for me to tell her.
After the back massage she asks me to turn over and straight away pats my cock and says “you want him massage”….
Curiosity gets the better of me and I agree to £40 for b2b
So, an awkward amount of time passes as she slowly and quietly takes off her clothes whilst facing away from me in the corner of the room, to reveal a slightly roly poly figure with small breasts (not 34D) and quite a strange stomach, looked flabby but like it was being pulled in to look like a 6 pack. Hard to explain but definitely not athletic.
So attacks me with some cold baby wipes and then proceeds to climb on top, has a quick suck on my nipples and then just awkwardly rubs her fanny up and down my bollocks (but not my cock) and to be honest she seemed to get more out of this than me. Then she moved up and gave me a crap tit wank, then starts to wank me off for 15 seconds before asking me if I’m gonna cum….. Er, nah.
Minute or so later after she picked up the pace the deed was done and I was hit with a wave of post nut clarity.
Another awkward passage of time whilst she slowly gets dressed. Then returns to give me a quick head massage, and done.
Would I return? Absolutely fu***ng not. Place is a dive inside and very clearly bait and switch. Don’t believe the Twitter hype.
