External Link/Members Only£150 for apparent Tantric Massage but not sure which service I actually got!
So I was driving to EC for an appointment when the woman I was scheduled to meet texted to say she couldn't make it. Drat. Parked in the big Tesco on Cromwell Road and opened the Earl's Court/Gloucester Road/Kensington toybox on my phone, Little Brain thinking Well there's hundreds of hungry women out there who will surely make a mess out of me (Bob Dylan reference please note) for a few GBPs.
Yes, there are a million with green lights on, so I start making calls. No, they can't make it just now, no they don't answer, no this number doesn't exist, etc etc until I notice Tantric Annabelle's profile, looks like a nice milf, Don't bother reading UKP reviews says LB, just call and call now. If only Big Brain had listened. So I call and ask for a meet and the first thing she says is, "Are you from the police?". BB thinks WTF time to hang up, LB says This is hilarious, she's obviously a fun crazy gal and anyway I want someone to play with me. We stagger through the process of setting up a meet in half an hour, and she signs off with "Well as long as you're not a policeman . . . " to LB's delight.
Arrive at her block somewhere off Warwick Road, she buzzes me up, we get to her door and knock, and scrabbling sounds begin from behind the door. LB is at fever pitch as the punt is about to begin and he can be unleashed. More scrabbling, and then my phone rings. It's her. "I can't open the door, it seems to be stuck," she says. What the actual fuck thinks BB, the girl can't open her own front door of the flat she actually lives in? The stairs are right there, it really really is time to walk now. LB is beside himself with glee, See how crazy she is, it's sure going to be a wild session, he says. Eventually (after tense moments on the stairs wondering if everyone else in the building is going to spot me) she wrenches open the door. Reasonable looking middle-aged woman in a very pretty floral dress showing massive cleavage. LB says I told you, now get in there you moron.
We sit on her sofa and start to chat about fuck knows what, and she's obviously either totally pissed or totally high, at 3 in the afternoon, but I can't smell anything or see any other signs. I can still walk out, as I haven't handed over the dosh, but LB is gawping at the nice dress and the cleavage and will never agree to leave. She starts to talk the most monstrous bollocks about how her house plants have AURAS that she can SEE, and for some reason BB likes this and agrees that LB can stay.
To save time I ASK if I can get undressed and she seems surprised by this turn of events but agrees to it, not offering any shower, so I think fuck it OK no shower then and lie on the bed ( I forgot to say, her flat is a studio, high up over rooftops, full of junk, but nice big bed to loll on. She comes over and begins the "tantric massage" we agreed on, but asks me to turn over very quickly, how disappointing I think until she says "I don't always do this you know" in a sort of disapproving way, and puts my cock in her mouth. Quite good OWO, and after a bit I say, How about losing the dress, and she does and takes off her rather M&S underwear as well. The tits, as we had guessed, are very nice, but she has no arse at all so I avert my eyes from her lower half. She gives my cock another bit of sucking and then comes to lie beside me while she gives me an average handjob. She starts the random deranged chit-chat again and I almost lose it so I play with her tits (no kissing is possible) and think of wank-bank stuff and manage to come. She seems quite surprised that liquid of some sort has come out of the end of my cock and rushes about tutting to clean up. Time is at about 45 minutes, and again I'm offered no shower. Possibly the bathroom is out of bounds. It's time to go.
A very strange punt with a pisshead nutter, and LB leaves punching the air and saying I told you so. BB sadly looks at the dent in his wallet and says never again.
