I started to realise that it was often the performance of the lady I am with that determines the outcome. I'm sure many will have encountered the escort technique when you're not getting hard of tugging at your cock faster and harder, that does nothing for me, in fact it has the reverse effect.
Totally agree. A girl tugging at my cock harder and harder only emphasises my lack of erection, and makes it even less likely that I will get one. Unfortunately many WGs have a set routine, and if it doesn't work for you then they are clueless what to do. Worse, if she makes it plain that she sees it is as your problem, not hers, this again only makes it worse.
As I have got older, I too have realised that the lady's technique has become increasingly important in determining whether or not I get an erection, and how hard it is. The days when I get hard just by looking at a pretty girl are long gone.
Unfortunately most SPs sole focus seems to be on your cock, which only highlights any problem in getting an erection. Nowadays I need an SP who knows how to get me hard long before her hand touches my cock. And doesn't make a big thing of it if I fail to get an erection.
A quick rub and tug no longer does it for me - I need a slow build-up, whole-body experience. Kissing, and FK in particular, are essential for me. A slow, sensual massage can be excellent at getting me hard, provided the SP doesn't spend too long on it and the ardour starts to drop again. There are some SPs who know how to sensually caress my balls and perineum that is particularly arousing - these tend to be SPs who have had proper massage training. Unfortunately, it is only a few who know how to do this - most don't have a clue, and go at it far too hard.
In essence, I now go for the whole experience. The less I need to concentrate on getting an erection, the more likely I am to have one.