Needed to spill a load without going overboard with the bills,so turned to ,you got it, Lush.No shit,Sherlock.Was going to book another girl who looked fairly tasty,quoted a slot in the early hours.A non-starter.Despite some recent adverse intel on this girl,she was immediately available,so booked out of sheer desperation………
External Link/Members OnlyComms : You know the score by now : contact the Lush Sergei.Why,oh why,weren’t loadsa punters phoning him,so the switchboard would put me 10th in the queue, so I could’ve hung up + saved myself from this?
Where ? Flat in the Masshouse area,a stone’s throw from where I drilled the Famous Five of the Czech contingent(Lia/Amanda/Jenny/Sandy/Alex)
.Entrance somewhat discrete,on the “blindside” of the main Masshouse area,but had to loiter for collection,not ideal.Quite a few resident cummings/goings.
Smackers ? Standard Lush hit of
£60 for 30 Face : Obscured on website.Average,not horrific IMO.Broad, round + slightly puffy.In line with her high upper body BMI.Looks more mixed black/white than Asian - just my 2 cents’.
Figure :Website pics utterly divorced from reality.The only things in common are she’s got a full set of 4 limbs,a bum,boobs, and a head.There the similarity ends. Mr.Lush Web Administrator,were you wearing a Dick Turpin mask/drunk/high when you uploaded those pics? Even Viva Shit would be embarrassed by this deception……
About 5’5” : probs size 16 + on top , medium BBW territory
Humpty Dumpty/Dumptress type figure.Not seriously podgy on her limbs,but her upper body looked like those broad tyre stacks outside a Kwik Fit garage.HUUUUUUGE belly.
AND - her tits gave up their struggle with gravity yonks ago,and now look like the flappy pancake mamms you see on Lost Tribe women from Amazonian jungle villages who’ve never heard of a bra.Suppose one upside is she could wear them around her ears for warmth in winter….She could even use them to mimic the famous MOBOT gesture invented by Sir Mo Farah....
Tried not to look too closely at anything else,but appeared shaven downstairs.
Personality : Chirpy + friendly.Seemed to be a W.Midlander.Nice girl.
The Punt : Short and sweet here.Collected me at the metal gate.My willy was virtually humanely/inhumanely euthanased when I saw her,had read the reviews but didn’t know it was going to be this bad.Didn’t bail,took the hit with stiff upper lip and all that,as it may’ve affected my future bookings with Lush/website access etc. Took me to a high floor,basic flat,bills exchanged.Room was slightly whiffy( faint fishy pussy-like odour ?)
, + as hot as a kiln.
Customary shower,came out,she was lying on the bed face down,in a fishnet body suit thing.Looked like the proverbial whale
.Was expecting Captain Ahab’s chief harpoonist,with lance in hand, to suddenly crash through the door yelling “Gotcha !!!”.Conjured up visions of that hapless Beluga in the Seine.Just knew this was going to be v.hard work as her overblown Teletubby physique was just not my bag.Couldn’t bring myself to have sex with her (+ probs couldn’t have got hard enough to anyway),but had a steely resolve to fire off for my 60.
Lay down and got a sloppy,but not particularly memorable, bare blow off her.With my/her hand assisting to gain some semblance of a boner.Luckily,Fath
er Ection,the High Priest of Hardons, felt in a generous mood this day,holding off his last rites (Asses to Asses,Bust to Bust etc) long enough for me to get 75% stiff.Also sucked my balls on request,but this was sometimes slightly painful.V.lightly
bit into each nut periodically. Like she was pigging out on crunchy Maltesers….
Eventually sprayed my lentils but only took the first eruption,with the rest going over her chin(s).Quick shower,chat + out.Never again-pleasant girl,but not for me.I had read the UKP intel,but underestimated it.My fault.Ah well,onwards + upwards.Two words that certainly didn’t apply to my erection this punt….
Red for the outrageously inaccurate Lush pics,iffy hygiene, + an unremarkable service.
For some balance - she was good company,was willing,and she may be one for the bigger girl fans.
LM 
