This reminded me of one of my posts - 'most bizarre punting experience': https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=22516.msg349880#msg349880
I've cut & pasted the relevant bits below - sorry if a bit long. I was suffering from verbal diarrhea [as well as out of my arse]
Good read that one, very entertaining.
Got me thinking of a street girl from years back, boot on the other foot this one.
Parked up on an industrial estate, nice and quiet (must have been close to midnight), gave her the money and all of a sudden she announces she needs a piss. Yeah yeah I thought, that's street girl talk for just popping into the bushes, you'll realise I've done a runner in about 10 minutes. So I decided I too could do with a 'convenient' piss.
Off to a grass verge she goes, down come the jeans, squats down and starts to moan and groan a bit. I'm thinking it must be stinging a bit, bad sign, perhaps I'll give sex a miss with this one. But then the silence was broken by a fart of such force that the contents of her lower intestines were sprayed all over. Must have been backing up in there for some time.
Then came, 'have you got any tissues' she says. Fortunately I carried wet wipes in the car so I chucked the pack towards her, made my excuses and went. Felt a bit sorry for her but no way was I risking any remnants of her bowels in my car. Had enough of nasty surprises in the car up until that point.