External Link/Members OnlyTel: 07944738173
Cost £60 for 30 minutes inclusive of topless HR
In my ever expanding quest to find a masseuse that isn't the usual Thai, I came across the advert for Roni and gave a her a call to get details and pricing.
2 options available - £80 for 1 hour or £60 for 30 minutes. As it was someone who I'd not seen before, plumped for the 30 minute option.
Description on the phone given was that she was 52 years old but looked 10 years younger with a slim tight body. She sounded very pleasant and quite posh as well - enough to get me interested and make a booking.
Boy was I in for a massive let down.
For starters, I was made to hang on 10 minutes past my booking time as she wasn't quite ready. Once I was finally given entry instructions, it took another 5 minutes to get to her apartment as the place where she's asked me to park was at least a 5 minute walk.
Inside the apartment, I was asked to remove my shoes and wash my hands. It was at this point I came to the unenviable realisation that I'd been duped by her voice on the phone.
Roni was the opposite of everything I'd imagined. If she was a day younger than 62, I would be very surprised. Don't get me wrong, I'm no ageist, but Roni was in no way attractive. Curly damp lifeless hair sat atop a wrinkly thin lipped face. Her description of being slim and tight was only 50% accurate. Slim she was, but tight definitely not! Her skin was loose and wrinkly like her face and she was slightly hunched over which probably added to her look of being frail and fragile.
Add to that she was no taller than 5 foot and you get idea of what I was faced with.
A braver man would have gone through with the booking, but at this point, I was certain that I wouldn't get neither therapeutic relief or sexual relief.
I guess her delay helped in my excuse for leaving. I explained that since she'd not been able to start on time, I would end up being delayed for a work meeting. Although there was a bit of indignation on her part, she didn't grumble too much as I left.
So there you have it. Unless you fancy meeting a hunched pensioner, I would give Roni a swerve.
The quest goes on....
