DISCLAIMER: I should of walked away within the first 5 minutes, but tried to reassure myself that everything would come good, this was Madlin Moon, the UKP sweetheart. When I realised it was a non-starter, it was too late.https://www.adultwork.com/2121051
1 hour = £150
The flat was hot, stuffy and poorly lit.
There was no real greeting upon arrival, I could of been anyone. I sipped a glass of water, Madlin just sat on the bed staring, giving the kind of look that only a woman can give. Any attempts at banter was met with either a pulled face or ''I don't know what you mean'' which is apparently one of the few phrases in English she knows - I got to hear it many times. Things got so awkward, so fast, that I asked her if she wanted me to leave because she didn't look very pleased to see me. She said I could stay.... Oh lucky me! Obviously my 20% body fat cut no ice here!
I nipped into the shower hoping she's sort her shit out. If there'd been a window in the bathroom I'd probably of climbed out of it, sod my jacket in the other room. Things just went from bad to worse. No conversation, uneasy atmosphere followed up with a terrible strip tease which was so painful to watch it made a small piece inside me die. I silently prayed for Boris to jump out of the wardrobe....
It was so bad that the 'little chap' wouldn't even budge an inch, in fact, I think he tried crawling up into my abdomen to get away. After a few minutes of nothing worth mentioning Madlin asked twice what I wanted to do? My first reply was to ''flick the telly on'' my second was, ''this is going really badly, I think I'll grab a quick shower and go,'' which I did. Whilst walking down the street I checked my watch to find 24 minutes
had elapsed - it felt much longer.
This was easily the worst punt I've had in years, possibly of all time. I can't ever recall feeling so awkward or un-aroused - and I've punted in some of the most inhospitable misandrist surroundings known to mankind.