I quite agree, you really don't get it.
The patient was elderly, the main carer was elderly themselves. Because of distance and work commitments, younger relatives couldn't do much to help, one even lived abroad.
Whatever your situation, there will be a lot of people far worse off, struggling much more, and far less able to cope, so I suggest you get off your high horse. You weren't there, I was!
Yes I get angry about comments like that.
I've experienced similar situation like yours, possibly even worse when the Alzheimer's changed a lovely old lady into a devious and dangerous old woman, who for month after month was in complete denial that anything was the matter.
Who managed to also convince her gp and social workers and other family too.
Who left the unlit gas oven on all night a few times.
Who almost caused fires by leaving food burning.
Who wouldn't take her medication.
Who regularly ate stale food, was bowell incontinent, and slept in soiled bedding with excreta on carpets.
Who would leave the house and become bewildered
Who never washed and who's clothes stank.
I could go on....
The only person available to care was her daughter who had her own family, and who herself was partly disabled and suffered with anxiety and depression, and lived some distance away.
The daughter who had always had a loving relationship with her mother now had to deal with a person who's personality had completely changed through Alzheimer's, and was now aggressive and uncooperative, and would accuse the daughter of just wanting to put her away.
Eventually after months of trying to cope, she was able to arrange a minimal care package.
Unfortunately the mother remained in denial and was aggressive towards the care staff on their minimal visits. They often couldn't get in and when they could weren't allowed to change bedding or wash the mother, so it was only the daughter able to attempt to do these tasks, often with great difficulty if at all.
Eventually it led to the daughter having a nervous breakdown and having to write to the gp and social services that she could no longer be responsible for her mother.
She still carried on visiting every day and doing what she could, but it was only a matter of time when things would come to a head.
This happened when the mother was found 20 miles away wandering in the dark in an area she didn't know, looking for a daughter who'd been dead for years. She'd left home with no money or pass, yet somehow convinced bus drivers, train guards and station staff that she'd forgotten her purse.
She'd been stopped by a couple who phoned the police, and she was subsequently sectioned.
It took many years for the daughter to try and come to terms with the feelings of guilt often made worse by magazine and newspaper articles saying how important it was to care for your parents and not 'farm them out' into a home.
After all, as the articles would often explain, it's not too difficult to look after the nice sweet old granny.
She might have dementia, but she's pretty cooperative and docile, not too much trouble, and there's plenty of room in our big house.
Yes every situation's different....sorry to rant and go off my original post, but I was also there.
