The thing is, weather some females do actually like that/those qualities, it doesn't seem to matter because no women know me haha. Apart from 1 girl through college, who has a boyfriend haha. And I'm uncomfortable with putting myself in acceptable placesfor that to happen, and initiating things. So it feels like whatever qualities I might have that do like are kind of wasted or wll never be known, because the way it work in society you, or I anyway, don't seem to get random women just coming to you haha. Maybe since its jut expected for the "man" to do that. which I don't haha).
I'm not completley against psychoanalizing for me in the way of thinking about whats different or "wrong" with me in some areas haha. Its quite interesting to me. But just just not in the way that some councellors do. Asin, I don't want to change or attemp to put anything right by looking at whats "normal" and trying to match that.
AND an important point to me Ive just thought of is that going to some councellors, and doctors for emotional support, the relationship there, is still very "proffessional". To me there wouldn't be much difference between talking to an understanding escort about some things, and telling a councellor or doctor, as silly as that might sound haha. I did enjoy talkin to an assesment councellor, who was fairly understanding. But that was just to asses weather I should go to their propper councellor. Going to the propper councellor, fet alot more business like. And her type of councelling was what I mentioned I didn't want.
But yes, most times when I consider using a girls service its when I feel like I'd just like NSA sex.
I don't wan't a relationship, really. Because I don't feel fit to deal with everything with it in a way. I have me to deal with haha. Plus I prefer the idea of being free to experience intimacy with different girls if I wanted. Not that I'd have chance outside seeing an escort haha.
Yes a connection without a relationship would be very nice, in a different way. But again it just depends on that person(s) and being in the right place at the right time.
I have a good connection sometimes (at least I think) with an online female friend. But shes in a different country. And sometmes thats OK for me. Like its enough to have somewhat of a connection, online, although I don't get the physical part of that. (which to me would be cuddling and things. Sounds strange, but sometimes, I prefer the idea of that in the context of a connection, than actual sex. With sex seeming to be something I could seperate from that in my mind).
So yes I would accept seeing escorts as just the NSA, which with actual sex, is what I'd like most. But I still feel it might be nice to talk to her about things, such as my situation with gils and things (not in an asking for help way), if it fet right at the time, even if really she didn't care haha, and to get a physical side to that which councellors or whatever wouldnt do. I know thats not the reason I'd be going, and I'd seperate the actual sex from that. But you know, just to actually physically touch a woman would be something to me, in this way haha. But yes that would be more fora sexual feeling. Like just being able to explore a womans body haha.
ButI would try to make sure I was alot more in the sexual side of it mode asin feeling very horny, when booking one, rather than more on the needing support side haha. That doesn't mean at a time when I wouldn't appreciate support. But when the horniness takes over haha.