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Author Topic: Penis care and review question  (Read 6153 times)

Offline vorian

Its the early hours of the morning & the UKP night shift is discussing cock cleaning products.
Brilliant, where else could you get this kind of entertainment for free  :D

OP, your not a patch on the legend thats Sadgit but with a bit of practice you may just have potential  ;)

Oh,  you shouldn't be so mean to her.  ;)
Banning reason: Two faced - Slagging off UKP and it's membership using fake account

Offline gillis01

Its the early hours of the morning & the UKP night shift is discussing cock cleaning products.
Brilliant, where else could you get this kind of entertainment for free  :D

OP, your not a patch on the legend thats Sadgit but with a bit of practice you may just have potential  ;)

Wanna hear my dirty story? It involves olive oil, A levels and a stranger I met while drunk and grieving  :drinks:

Offline CatBBW

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  • Posts: 1,972
Wanna hear my dirty story? It involves olive oil, A levels and a stranger I met while drunk and grieving  :drinks:

Wank fodder. Not many peeps will allow you this for free.

Offline yorkshire123

Wanna hear my dirty story? It involves olive oil, A levels and a stranger I met while drunk and grieving  :drinks:

You want to watch out son/miss, that Popeye can be one protective son of a bitch!
Banning reason: Making false malicious allegations against admin

Offline wristjob

Wanna hear my dirty story? It involves olive oil, A levels and a stranger I met while drunk and grieving  :drinks:

Well I like olive oil but the smell is offputting during sex. Now grapeseed oil has no aroma and it's mega smeared over a nice pair of tits.....

Offline wristjob

Sodium Lauryl Sulphate is the additive that makes soap/shampoo/etc FOAM, and many people are allergic, intolerant, or just sensitive to it.

Go geeky girl  :)

It is a skin irritant (some people are more sensitive) and I'm sure I read somewhere that it thins the skin which I guess isn't good.

Offline CatBBW

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  • Posts: 1,972
Only that some of us can react to oil based lube.

OK. I think I have lost the plot.

I don't think there's any oil-based lube out there for humans - if there is, it's certainly not certified as "lube".

And then you talk about enjoying olive oil and anal -  olive oil isn't 'lube', it's OIL.

So you fucked a stranger in the bum using olive oil - sounds like the scene from the film I can't remember (starring Marlon Brando) where they used butter...

Offline yorkshire123

Wanna hear my dirty story? It involves olive oil, A levels and a stranger I met while drunk and grieving  :drinks:

I think I've heard it before.

Does it end with the girl telling you that it was the best shag she has ever had & that she was surprised a cock that big would fit up her tiny bum hole?
Following that she became a nun as she didn't think any man could ever satisfy her like you did  :cool:
Banning reason: Making false malicious allegations against admin

Offline CatBBW

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  • Posts: 1,972
I think I've heard it before.

Does it end with the girl telling you that it was the best shag she has ever had & that she was surprised a cock that big would fit up her tiny bum hole?
Following that she became a nun as she didn't think any man could ever satisfy her like you did  :cool:

*snorks* :sarcastic:

Offline yorkshire123

Banning reason: Making false malicious allegations against admin

Offline vorian

OK. I think I have lost the plot.

I don't think there's any oil-based lube out there for humans - if there is, it's certainly not certified as "lube".

And then you talk about enjoying olive oil and anal -  olive oil isn't 'lube', it's OIL.

So you fucked a stranger in the bum using olive oil - sounds like the scene from the film I can't remember (starring Marlon Brando) where they used butter...

Last Tango In Paris.


And yes I'm a film geek.
Banning reason: Two faced - Slagging off UKP and it's membership using fake account

Offline CatBBW

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  • Posts: 1,972
Had to google that one I'm afraid  :D

Just the sound I made when reading your post! :lol:


Offline vorian

I think I've heard it before.

Does it end with the girl telling you that it was the best shag she has ever had & that she was surprised a cock that big would fit up her tiny bum hole?
Following that she became a nun as she didn't think any man could ever satisfy her like you did  :cool:

The OP has mentioned before they have a big cock.
Banning reason: Two faced - Slagging off UKP and it's membership using fake account

Offline CatBBW

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  • Posts: 1,972
Last Tango In Paris.


And yes I'm a film geek.

I THOUGHT it was! I just didn't want to look like an eejit by getting it wrong, ta Vorian :thumbsup:

Offline gillis01

Here is the story...
In the same year I lost my father, my grandmother and Michael Jackson...
I went out on my bike and went to an open mike night. It was ok, bit too folksy for me.
Cycling home I saw a chick. Petite, dreadlocks - I DO NOT like dreadlocks...anyway...white girl with dreadlocks meh.
Drunk, I stopped and told her my story, grieving etc. etc...
Come back to mine? I have a nice flat, we can just sit and talk in the yard for a while?
Sympathy for me she did.
About an hour later I am spanking her ass.
She is dancing to belly dance music and I am spanking her.
Get the olive oil.
Rubbed it one her.
She dont like BJ's haha. Open open woman Im not gonna come now open.
She did as she was told.
Slept. Morning wood.
Stuck it up her a.
She didnt want me to cum in there.
Big briuses on her bum (must have been rougher than I remembered).
Didnt want me to c in her a. lol
This is why I think that wg are better than one night stands.
Am I right? Brothers? Sisters?

Offline sarahjayneleeds

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  • Posts: 392
Wanna hear my dirty story? It involves olive oil, A levels and a stranger I met while drunk and grieving  :drinks:

I don't think we do really even though you seem desperate to tell us. I wouldn't bother if I were you it won't be a patch on a real life Hendrix or Cisco review.  :hi:

Edit posted after him and seems I was right  :)
« Last Edit: June 08, 2014, 02:14:55 AM by sarahjayneleeds »

Offline yorkshire123

The OP has mentioned before they have a big cock.

Thanks for the review, I have been thinking of going to see this girl but I am new. Not sure what to say when I contact her, also she is very petite and I am quite a large guy - height and dick wise lol. Do I need to let her know?
That may sound strange but when I went with a kamer girl in Amsterdam she protested that I was too big...still managed it though  :thumbsup:

Yep, how did i guess  :unknown:
Banning reason: Making false malicious allegations against admin

Offline wristjob

I think I've heard it before.

Does it end with the girl telling you that it was the best shag she has ever had & that she was surprised a cock that big would fit up her tiny bum hole?
Following that she became a nun as she didn't think any man could ever satisfy her like you did  :cool:

 :lol:

Offline vorian

Yep, how did i guess  :unknown:

I have no idea,  new members never talk about having big cocks on here, do they. For the record mine is like a tube of pringles (Copyright Sir Frank).
Banning reason: Two faced - Slagging off UKP and it's membership using fake account

Offline wristjob

I think sadgit had a big cock.

Offline yorkshire123

Here is the story...
In the same year I lost my father, my grandmother and Michael Jackson...
I went out on my bike and went to an open mike night. It was ok, bit too folksy for me.
Cycling home I saw a chick. Petite, dreadlocks - I DO NOT like dreadlocks...anyway...white girl with dreadlocks meh.
Drunk, I stopped and told her my story, grieving etc. etc...
Come back to mine? I have a nice flat, we can just sit and talk in the yard for a while?
Sympathy for me she did.
About an hour later I am spanking her ass.
She is dancing to belly dance music and I am spanking her.
Get the olive oil.
Rubbed it one her.
She dont like BJ's haha. Open open woman Im not gonna come now open.
She did as she was told.
Slept. Morning wood.
Stuck it up her a.
She didnt want me to cum in there.
Big briuses on her bum (must have been rougher than I remembered).
Didnt want me to c in her a. lol
This is why I think that wg are better than one night stands.
Am I right? Brothers? Sisters?

Don't you just hate it when girls do that  ;)

Arthur Scargill at his best
Banning reason: Making false malicious allegations against admin

Offline Marmalade

previously from gilis01...
(3rd June)
Right, so I have finally decided on the girl. Made contact over email, seen the reviews and ready...
However should I go for 1/2 hour?
Pros;
my first time so if it is awkward and weird then I get out quicker.
It is cheaper.
Won't feel ripped off.

Cons;
I want to enjoy myself at a comfortable pace.
Would like some time to build up to arousal. 
I rarely cum quickly so half hour could just be a blue ball experience.

I would especially like to hear from experinced punters and wg's opinons

Cheers!

(yesterday)
right well I have phoned her and she sounded nice. Didn't make a booking though said I would call back (kind of a 'left my wallet in the car').
I also found that she is on some other sites. Same name but the age is different and ethnicity also varies from 'middle eastern' to 'white' but always Polish, and speaking to her she sounded Polish.
Should alarm bells be ringing cos of the different details?
On the phone she was nice but said she was busy at the moment, do girls answer the phone when they are with clients!? I bloody hope not!

What a fucking waste of space. Fuck off with dirty stories you wank! Do you honestly think that people on a punting forum who have done the tour of planet kinky and back, are gonna go wow over your silly little piece of crap (even if it did happen - maybe you made up the Michael Jackson and dead parents for her and made up the rest for us.) See a psychiatrist.  :mad:  :diablo:

Offline gillis01

:lol:

No that would have been a nice ending! She called me and told me about the other guy ( a rasta) that she was doing. Me = no interest. Dont get me wrong she is a smart enough girl. If anything I am the selfish one  - as usual. Shes is an artist. So yeah

Offline CatBBW

  • Service Provider
  • Posts: 1,972
Here is the story...
In the same year I lost my father, my grandmother and Michael Jackson...
I went out on my bike and went to an open mike night. It was ok, bit too folksy for me.
Cycling home I saw a chick. Petite, dreadlocks - I DO NOT like dreadlocks...anyway...white girl with dreadlocks meh.
Drunk, I stopped and told her my story, grieving etc. etc...
Come back to mine? I have a nice flat, we can just sit and talk in the yard for a while?
Sympathy for me she did.
About an hour later I am spanking her ass.
She is dancing to belly dance music and I am spanking her.
Get the olive oil.
Rubbed it one her.
She dont like BJ's haha. Open open woman Im not gonna come now open.
She did as she was told.
Slept. Morning wood.
Stuck it up her a.
She didnt want me to cum in there.
Big briuses on her bum (must have been rougher than I remembered).
Didnt want me to c in her a. lol
This is why I think that wg are better than one night stands.
Am I right? Brothers? Sisters?

Now take your hand off your cock and go to bed.

Offline gillis01

previously from gilis01...
What a fucking waste of space. Fuck off with dirty stories you wank! Do you honestly think that people on a punting forum who have done the tour of planet kinky and back, are gonna go wow over your silly little piece of crap (even if it did happen - maybe you made up the Michael Jackson and dead parents for her and made up the rest for us.) See a psychiatrist.  :mad:  :diablo:

Marmalade, I have read your posts and you are one of the reasons I post.
I'm just sharing cos you guys share with me on the forums.
I'm not lying sir. Honestly


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