How to leave a long term relationship?

[JontyR]

Not quite but mid 30s is when a man hits his prime, a woman hits hers much earlier.

I'm not sure my own personal experience matches this.

[Ali Katt]

I cannot see anywhere the OP stating he still loves his OH?

Also he states her kids "do his head in", so I'm not sure he would survive another 5 years?

Finally, sorry for being flippant, but this is what immediately came to mind when I saw the title of the thread, and before I had read the content: External Link/Members Only.

You are right. I was reading another page at the same time and I think I combined the two.

[Doc Holliday]

Not quite but mid 30s is when a man hits his prime, a woman hits hers much earlier.

Debatable? ... but my point was that we don't know the two individuals involved and despite her being older he may well be punching above his weight?

At his age he should not be settling for companionship ..

Yes I agree and I did qualify it by saying he was young, but in general terms companionship can be increasingly important as we age.

Sex has always been hugely significant in my life, but when old age and dementia fully sets in I need someone to look after me and companionship will be far more important.  There are a great many very lonely people out there.

[webpunter]

Fuck that for a game of soldiers
Before the wheels start to come orf seriously [& still some ability to function] i'll be on a viagra champagne hooker mission
To see if this can induce a heart attack
If not there is veritas, no need to book a return ticket

Sex has always been hugely significant in my life, but when old age and dementia fully sets in I need someone to look after me and companionship will be far more important

[niceguy30!!]

So I can't answer everyone's point.
I was mid 20's when we met and she was 35 super hot and I was punching, even a few of my aunties told me I was punching. As soon we got into bed she was ripping my boxers off.
It was all good a few years ago. Then it started fizzle out.
The oldest kid I can tolerate, but the youngest is a typical know it all twat teenager, if the little prick was mine id give him a clout.
The dad does fa for them, but the sun shines out of his ass.
I would estimate the house has £150-£170k equity in it.
If I kept my house and rented it, I'd have about 10yrs left on the mortgage, and swapped jobs to move, so potentially I'd be on nearly £10k a year more if I stayed with the same company, which is a lot of punts annually.

[JontyR]

So I can't answer everyone's point.
I was mid 20's when we met and she was 35 super hot and I was punching, even a few of my aunties told me I was punching. As soon we got into bed she was ripping my boxers off.
It was all good a few years ago. Then it started fizzle out.

To be fair mate, you registered here in 2014.

If I kept my house and rented it, I'd have about 10yrs left on the mortgage, and swapped jobs to move, so potentially I'd be on nearly £10k a year more if I stayed with the same company, which is a lot of punts annually.

And if my auntie had nuts....

Sorry for the tough love, but whats done is done. Start focussing on your future. And if anyone starts reading this thread in the future bear in mind that if you start again after the age of 42 then you are reducing the term of your mortgage from 25 years unless you plan to work beyond retirement age. 

[Ali Katt]

So I can't answer everyone's point.
I was mid 20's when we met and she was 35 super hot and I was punching, even a few of my aunties told me I was punching. As soon we got into bed she was ripping my boxers off.
It was all good a few years ago. Then it started fizzle out.
The oldest kid I can tolerate, but the youngest is a typical know it all twat teenager, if the little prick was mine id give him a clout.
The dad does fa for them, but the sun shines out of his ass.
I would estimate the house has £150-£170k equity in it.
If I kept my house and rented it, I'd have about 10yrs left on the mortgage, and swapped jobs to move, so potentially I'd be on nearly £10k a year more if I stayed with the same company, which is a lot of punts annually.

I think the question is do you want to be with her in 10 years time? As I've said it's likely the kids will have left in 5 years time. Ignore the money will make it back again. Women are weird their exboyfriend could be abusive and the sun would still shine out of his arse, best to ignore and all the jealousy and only do stuff you want to do.

[sparkus]

I think the question is do you want to be with her in 10 years time? As I've said it's likely the kids will have left in 5 years time. Ignore the money will make it back again. Women are weird their exboyfriend could be abusive and the sun would still shine out of his arse, best to ignore and all the jealousy and only do stuff you want to do.

As ever you've put my points more succinctly here.

[cotton]

So I can't answer everyone's point.
I was mid 20's when we met and she was 35 super hot and I was punching, even a few of my aunties told me I was punching. As soon we got into bed she was ripping my boxers off.
It was all good a few years ago. Then it started fizzle out.
The oldest kid I can tolerate, but the youngest is a typical know it all twat teenager, if the little prick was mine id give him a clout.
The dad does fa for them, but the sun shines out of his ass.
I would estimate the house has £150-£170k equity in it.
If I kept my house and rented it, I'd have about 10yrs left on the mortgage, and swapped jobs to move, so potentially I'd be on nearly £10k a year more if I stayed with the same company, which is a lot of punts annually.

If youve been together 10 years there obviously alot of feeling between you as a relationship thats lasted 10 years is doing pretty well.  But you need to decide what you want longterm , ok the sex has gone off the boil , after 10 years thats normal , but do you want a family and kids of your own , does she want more kids.  If you do and she dosnt then that would rightly rangle.  But maybe you dont want kids , or maybe she does want kids but your undecided if your in it for the longhaul. Who knows.
But the current situation where your baby suitting another mans kids might be ok for a bit when your young and just living in the moment with a hot chik but there comes a time when you got to think whats best for you longterm.
Id say the money issue is a secondary concern - first and formost has to be what your gonna do with your life and your longterm happiness.

[Ali Katt]

One thing I didn't pick up on is what if both people don't know what they want. It's happened to me before when I was really young, the benefit is if you sort of teenagers or early 20s you've got time to make mistakes and date unsuitable people.

[sparkus]

One thing I didn't pick up on is what if both people don't know what they want. It's happened to me before when I was really young, the benefit is if you sort of teenagers or early 20s you've got time to make mistakes and date unsuitable people.

I don't think the friction ever goes away, there's often a misalignment of priorities between partners e.g.

- the woman with a ticking biological clock and a bloke who either doesn't want kids or isn't ready to settle down yet but can't communicate this to her (even at 40, not that I know anyone this applies to...)
- when one is ready to retire and move somewhere quiet and the other wants to keep on working and living in London (seen this a couple of times among people I know)

There's been a flurry of later life divorces among people who 'did the done thing' in years gone by eg. married in early 20s, kids etc. and never really got to see the world or share it with other people.  There's also the 50+ sex dating boom for that reason.

[MrFcuk76]

biggest mistake was selling your property, should have just rented it out

nothing can change that now though

This always.
Moved in with an ex and the idea of my house being sold was batted around by her. No fucking way.
Rented it out for 6 months. Broke up - gave notice and moved back in to my place.
I’ll never sell it.
Rented out only if I’m not in it.

[Moby Dick]

Not quite but mid 30s is when a man hits his prime, a woman hits hers much earlier.

I always understood it to be the other way round
Men are there horniest at 19, and probably physically most active I used to get erections all the time in my college days. Always had a boner.
Women hit their peak in their early thirties, getting filthier, more adventurous plus their “reproductive” body clock will eventually expire. They get broody. But by 40 most have become respectful mothers who can’t be bothered with FUN, so men end up standing about on street corners waiting for the cum up text message.
Sex, it’s a funny old game.

[webpunter]

I did the same type of thing
Many years later
The house was rented out
I called the [very fit] letting agent
& said something like:  'houston we have a problem'
She replied with along the lines of: 'let me guess, splitting up.  FFS you are the third guy in as many weeks' 

This always.
Moved in with an ex and the idea of my house being sold was batted around by her. No fucking way.
Rented it out for 6 months. Broke up - gave notice and moved back in to my place.
I’ll never sell it.
Rented out only if I’m not in it.

[Payyourwaymate]

I always understood it to be the other way round
Men are there horniest at 19, and probably physically most active I used to get erections all the time in my college days. Always had a boner.
Women hit their peak in their early thirties, getting filthier, more adventurous plus their “reproductive” body clock will eventually expire. They get broody. But by 40 most have become respectful mothers who can’t be bothered with FUN, so men end up standing about on street corners waiting for the cum up text message.
Sex, it’s a funny old game.

I don't think he meant in terms of sexual activity. I think he meant in terms of overall life situational terms that men are seen to "age like wine" and women "age like milk/bread". So basically in his 30s he should be in a position that he could potentially have a far better sex life with women in their youthful prime having more "options", instead of compromising with a woman not in her physical prime that has 2 kids and will now no longer fuck him. If I am wrong Sinister can correct me in my assessment  .

[Mr Sinister]

I don't think he meant in terms of sexual activity. I think he meant in terms of overall life situational terms that men are seen to "age like wine" and women "age like milk/bread". So basically in his 30s he should be in a position that he could potentially have a far better sex life with women in their youthful prime having more "options", instead of compromising with a woman not in her physical prime that has 2 kids and will now no longer fuck him. If I am wrong Sinister can correct me in my assessment  .

This is the gist of it, OP still has his whole life ahead of him, while the GF not so much unless some sucker wants to pick up the tab.

I was mid 20's when we met and she was 35 super hot and I was punching, even a few of my aunties told me I was punching. As soon we got into bed she was ripping my boxers off.

She had 2 kids and was looking for a stepdaddy and a provider you stepped in fine. You were not really punching at all she was the lucky one to find you, I'm sure many men before you smashed and passed up the opportunity to commit.

The dad does fa for them, but the sun shines out of his ass

This is why as a young independent guy with his shit sorted you never pick up another's man bar tab. It will cost you in the long run, a single mom is always happy for another man to step in.

[webpunter]

You hit the nail on the head

She had 2 kids and was looking for a stepdaddy and a provider you stepped in fine. You were not really punching at all she was the lucky one to find you, I'm sure many men before you smashed and passed up the opportunity to commit.

Have seen the same where a divorced / separated mum is on her own & hooks up with some bloke
You wonder why the two are together as on the surface of things there is an imbalance
With mom being a fittie etc
The reality is that most blokes don't [edit:  want] to invest the money & [more importantly] time + effort on other people's kids
So the mums are more than happy for another man to step in & will make allowances
Saying stuff like, " he's really good with the kids "
Which means wedging up ££ & giving her time to have some sort of life

It will cost you in the long run, a single mom is always happy for another man to step in.