is this the most mental profile?

[house music dave]

External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

I'm speechless, It seems to get worse and worse with each revision. Do you think she has some mental health issues or is just exceedingly stupid?

HMD


 

[vorian]

Fuck me, if it's not the worst,  it's up there with the best of them. Brilliantly bad.

[vorian]

No, I have just read it again and it is indeed the worst. Love the last line comments about bad comments from forums.

[threechilliman]

I might book her 

[vorian]

I might book her 

For fuck sake,  don't send her more than two texts or ask for a shower, she doesn't have the money to waste on such things.

[Stealthshagger]

only TXT her ..say 2 TIMEZ okay? els she block ya or summat

sexy beast is in such high demand.

[house music dave]

what's the betting that if she did a rorschach test every one of the ink blots would be food. 

[threechilliman]

For fuck sake,  don't send her more than two texts or ask for a shower, she doesn't have the money to waste on such things.

Already sent her a dozen texts and a couple of AW messages, several questions on each. Should keep her busy for the rest of the evening!!

tcm

[house music dave]

Good man tcm I would ring up just out of morbid curiousity but I know all too well the crushing disappointment when you realise a british wg has understood nothing you've said. I once remember phoning up a WG who was giving a discount at the time.

Her: Do you think you could give me an extra tenner to pay for a babysitter?
Me: No, and I think it's a little bit rude and unprofessional to ask me for more money
Her: oh right....so can you or can't you.

the way she said oh right was a seal that'd been smacked round the head by it's own bucket of fish. 

[Dani]

I am sorry she is an escort that can't afford credit or a shower (she must smell lovely after a busy day ) and you can't even have a drink at £90 an hour. Fuck me I charge a tenner more at the moment yet I always have tea coffee flavoured chilled water and a fucking shower for clients and I pay for a separate flat
Perhaps if she got her arse out if bed in the morning and cut her food bill down she wouldn't be skint. I have never ever ever met a skint escort especially one who works from her own home so doesn't have double bills to pay. How the fuck can she be that skint that she can't afford petrol or bus fare out of her immediate area?
Fuck me that is by far the worst profile ever. It is all don't don't don't and I'm skint. Where is the attraction in that
It's like a shop having a window display saying their goods are shite and fall apart.

[CBPaul]

Face Sitting 

Who wrote it I wonder. The stuff in capitals is written by a complete moron. The stuff in lower case by someone with a little more intelligence.

Still, it is tempting to email and request a 9am booking but insist on a shower first 

[pokenn]

Face Sitting 

Who wrote it I wonder. The stuff in capitals is written by a complete moron. The stuff in lower case by someone with a little more intelligence.

Still, it is tempting to email and request a 9am booking but insist on a shower first 

Don't email, just send a few texts. 

[Nickp]

Bored in my hotel, sent her a text. Cost for me is fuck all. If she replies will string her along, 10 messages will set her back 50p and break her.

[Rochdull lad]

For the masochists among us, her nickname is now altered to VIENNAPLUMPLOVE BBW, accessed from External Link/Members Only

[cockneybstrd]

For the masochists among us, her nickname is now altered to VIENNAPLUMPLOVE BBW, accessed from External Link/Members Only

Ha Ha she has obviously read UK Punting as apparently all the comments about her are by bitter clients who failed to get a booking. Surely that should be some kind of mistake. Even the great loose head prop fucker HP wouldnt do that.

[new_punter]

Think I am scarred for life now.....

[Quatro]

HP's going to love her!

[cockneybstrd]

HP's going to love her!

i disagree HP has stated how he likes a personality you can warm too. Hers is so cold you can probably freeze fish fingers in its cunt

[Quatro]

Maybe she's a grower CB, who you could learn to love in time.......... 

Not sure any of us will live that long!

[markw]

How the fuck can she be that skint ?

If you had a profile like that, you'd be skint too!

[vorian]

If you had a profile like that, you'd be skint too!

Doesn't do a fantastic job selling herself,  perhaps she was to busy masterminding the Lib-Dem election campaign.

[Horizontal pleasures]

HP's going to love her!

nope
she is not only overweight overweight but too much of a queen and man-exploiter. also body fat in the wrong places, does not look happy or attractive or attracting to me, a cold fish I think.

[Horizontal pleasures]

i disagree HP has stated how he likes a personality you can warm too. Hers is so cold you can probably freeze fish fingers in its cunt

+1

[jcdmj12]

(ps, ive a few pets cats SO IF UR ALLERGIC to cats....notify and we'd have to find someplace outdoors.)

"A few pet cats" = more than 12, in my experience

[licky]

Just say the boot was on the other foot, and we punters had to advertise.............
A reverse booking perhaps?
It could go something like this if we were honest..........

Pleas state your real age on your profile. If youre 42, please put 42, not 27.
If you are fat, please say so, not state "average"
The second "B" of BBW does not always mean beautiful. Please be truthful if you have no photo

Deep French kissing means exactly that, you need to act as if you mean it and use your tongue a bit. It does not mean a peck on the lips for about 3 seconds flat

If we book for say 8 o'clock, it means 8 o' clock. Whilst we understand make up needs to be applied, it does not mean 8.30

If you are Romanian, please state "Romanian" on your profile, not leave the nationality blank. It avoids misunderstanding and a scrap with your pimp when we try to walk away. On that subject a basic understanding of English will be an advantage.
Also on that subject, if you are pig ugly and fat, with no photos coz you cant even afford a good camera, please do not lift photos of stunning models from the net. Google images is very clever and will find you out!

Please state clearly on your profile or at least at the start of the session what is charged as extras, and how much. It means we can bring enough money with us, and avoids the scrap with your pimp, see above.

If you offer bareback on the quiet, or after a few punts, please state so on your profile so we may make an informed decision and avoid you.

Please splash out on some toothpaste, we do, and cock breath is not pleasant, nor is stale fags for us non smokers

If you don't even like being touched you are in the wrong game.
Whilst we are paying, it clearly helps if you can act a bit, and look like you are enjoying yourself. Silly as we are, we like to think we are good lovers and we have pleased you.
If we wanted to shag a cold wet fish, we would stay at home and get drunk and fuck the wife. Its far cheaper

Oooh, and pleeeeaaase, no stale smell when we go down on you, it is often secondhand spunk.


So how many bookings do you think my new profile would get?

[SirFrank]

Ah I'm late to the party. Profile has gone

[vorian]

Just say the boot was on the other foot, and we punters had to advertise.............
A reverse booking perhaps?
It could go something like this if we were honest..........

Pleas state your real age on your profile. If youre 42, please put 42, not 27.
If you are fat, please say so, not state "average"
The second "B" of BBW does not always mean beautiful. Please be truthful if you have no photo

Deep French kissing means exactly that, you need to act as if you mean it and use your tongue a bit. It does not mean a peck on the lips for about 3 seconds flat

If we book for say 8 o'clock, it means 8 o' clock. Whilst we understand make up needs to be applied, it does not mean 8.30

If you are Romanian, please state "Romanian" on your profile, not leave the nationality blank. It avoids misunderstanding and a scrap with your pimp when we try to walk away. On that subject a basic understanding of English will be an advantage.
Also on that subject, if you are pig ugly and fat, with no photos coz you cant even afford a good camera, please do not lift photos of stunning models from the net. Google images is very clever and will find you out!

Please state clearly on your profile or at least at the start of the session what is charged as extras, and how much. It means we can bring enough money with us, and avoids the scrap with your pimp, see above.

If you offer bareback on the quiet, or after a few punts, please state so on your profile so we may make an informed decision and avoid you.

Please splash out on some toothpaste, we do, and cock breath is not pleasant, nor is stale fags for us non smokers

If you don't even like being touched you are in the wrong game.
Whilst we are paying, it clearly helps if you can act a bit, and look like you are enjoying yourself. Silly as we are, we like to think we are good lovers and we have pleased you.
If we wanted to shag a cold wet fish, we would stay at home and get drunk and fuck the wife. Its far cheaper

Oooh, and pleeeeaaase, no stale smell when we go down on you, it is often secondhand spunk.


So how many bookings do you think my new profile would get?

And your point is?

[vorian]

Ah I'm late to the party. Profile has gone

Just worked for me SirFrank?

[licky]

And your point is?

Just thought I would do what she is doing, not sounding too keen.

[cockneybstrd]

External Link/Members Only Sir Frank she is sort of in your part of the world maybe you could take the duchess out for a drive and pop in and see this Whale and give her some of your no nonsense advice ???

Licky have you been on the Harribbo tonight ??

[vorian]

Just thought I would do what she is doing, not sounding too keen.

Got it now. Cheers.

[house music dave]

It's still up for me. My guess is it will continue to stay up as this woman probably has no idea how to navigate google properly and has no idea about her 'digital footprint'. Either that or her ISP will have cut her off due to non payment of bill.

In a way I feel bad for her, as this just shows that she does not have a good friend or family member to bring some reality to the situation.  Pretty much the same issue with the wannabe disabled pornstar off of sex on wheels. He has the same disability as me and yet none of his friends have slapped him upside the head and told him that a) the market is incredibly niche and b) he needs to mature and think about how he conducts and markets himself should he wish to succeed.

I'm a lucky man with good friends and family, when it comes to punting I have the collective wisdom of UKP.

HMD

[SirFrank]

Just worked for me SirFrank?

Ah yeah first link is live in OP second is dead. I just had some sick in my mouth after that. I don't think I'll ever be able to unsee that...

[SirFrank]

External Link/Members Only Sir Frank she is sort of in your part of the world maybe you could take the duchess out for a drive and pop in and see this Whale and give her some of your no nonsense advice ???

Licky have you been on the Harribbo tonight ??

Yeah just over the bridge. Could be a nice day out by the seaside

[vorian]

Ah yeah first link is live in OP second is dead. I just had some sick in my mouth after that. I don't think I'll ever be able to unsee that...

It's not the pictures but the profile text that is funny.

[SirFrank]

It's not the pictures but the profile text that is funny.

The profile is fucking bonkers

[house music dave]

I'll meet you there SirFrank. if you want I'll buy you a pint and stick of rock. In exchange I'll want a good story and a tip on a good used motor 

[SirFrank]

I'll meet you there SirFrank. if you want I'll buy you a pint and stick of rock. In exchange I'll want a good story and a tip on a good used motor 

Big 10-4 good buddy