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Author Topic: oddest/funniest things that have happened to you during a punt?  (Read 4526 times)

mine was when visiting a girl i saw regularly, we'd had our fun and she'd nipped to the bathroom to clean up, whilst pulling on my boxers i felt an odd wet sensation on my backside, spun round to find her dog trying to lick my arse, i jumped a bloody mile  :scare: and no before anyone says it i didn't pay extra, anyone top that?

jcdmj12

Yeah, I've had a WG's dog try to lick my knob as I was crouching down to pick up my underwear.   :scare:

well that's mine beaten already  :scare: mind you i have had blowjobs off the odd dog in my time  :D

What is is about WG's and dogs? Fucking always seems to be accompanied by a dog trying to assist/interfere with me

What is is about WG's and dogs? Fucking always seems to be accompanied by a dog trying to assist/interfere with me
i feel we ned to hear more 3chilli  :D

Mine's dog-related, too.

One of my Regulars texted me to say that she wanted to re-arrange our appointment from her working flat to her home because she felt okay to carry out the meeting but didn't feel up to travelling to her "Working Flat".

What I'd forgotten is that she has a three-legged Staffie bitch, which is used to being on her mistress's bed whenever she's in it.  So here was I trying to "get my end away", while keeping this fooking Staffie away from the pair of us!!

Offline SirFrank

I got tapped up by tattoo off fantasy island while on a stag do punt in Europe. In the early hours of the morning papa smurf also tried to kill me. I think someone put some sticky sticky in my pop. The original post is on here somewhere (puts my ramblings into a bit more perspective) but I'm posting off my phone so can't search properly. Without question one of the weirdest experiences of my life
« Last Edit: May 23, 2014, 10:24:59 PM by SirFrank »
Banning reason: Shitstirring against admin on behalf of banned member

Offline Stav096

The unseen dog in the next room that does not bark, but sounds like it might be the Hound of the Baskerville's when it scampers around.  :scare:

The weirdest for me was when I was reasonably new to punting. I went into her place, where she clearly lived and worked, and lived alone. In her flat, in the reception area, she had a dog bowl with food in it and a dog bowl for water, next to a dog indoor mat (dog toilet) with a massive pooh on it...as in I wondered how big her dog was, massive pooh. Like the rest of the flat, that area was neat, tidy and immaculate...which is rare as dog owners know. When we sat down on the bed a couple of minutes later I asked her what kind of dog she had, and she said he had never had a dog. She then moved on to ask if I liked roleplay. It didnt occur to me until 20 minutes in that her answer meant it was for role play, not a dog. A sixth sense moment it was for me. Fucking hell. To be fair, her SS-looking uniform on the back of her bedroom door should have been a clue that she was into role play. I had just assumed she wore it to spank people like in American Pie/your typical film depiction of bondage, as i have never experienced bondage and just dont get it.

Might not be funny to read, but it was funny as an experience...realizing you are busy getting blown by someone who has dog bowls for humans and human pooh on a pad in the reception area. At least it wast a fucking bear.

Offline pleasure

How did "oddest/funniest" turn into "tell us a story about escorts and dogs"?! I'd feel out of place posting anything that doesn't involve canines now, although admittedly Stealth's story was only loosely related.


During the half-time interval with a mature WG I see, we were discussing some of the people we'd seen since our last session. She told me about a young man, not long since turned 18, who'd booked her whilst his girlfriend was away, as he wanted to fuck an older woman before he got engaged. On arrival, he produced ID to verify his age! How we laughed :lol: An amusing start to round 2

Offline pleasure

On arrival, he produced ID to verify his age! How we laughed :lol: An amusing start to round 2

Sounds like something a lot of girls would ask for if he looks young - they can't risk shagging someone who's not yet 18.

One experience that has probably happened to alot of us at some point, was when I had just come a big load into  WGs mouth and she coughed hard suddenly. She sprayed it all over me and the room accidentally, as she didnt see the sough coming, as it were. Might be a lesson to not get owo from someone with a cough, but as it was in winter, most options would have had the sniffles or a cough I reckon. Funny at the time as it went everywhere and even came out her nose. thank fuck she hadnt got a blocked nose with her cough.

Another I can think of, in a two hour booking, she clearly had been trying to hold in a fart. When the doggy vag action got vigorous she clearly lost the ability to hold it and let out a loud bum fart. She was incredibly embarassed.  Some might be disgusted but I found it funny. It also means I worry about WGs that say indian or spicy food is their fav food. It might not be firing blanks then. Not funny at all if that happened.

A final awkward one was when I got owo from a WG that didnt do facials. I told her I shoot far, and alot, as she started the owo. Her english wasnt great but she seemed to acknowledge what I said. Sure enough, I told her I was going to come, she kept using her hand and her face was close. I was on my back an she above, so its not like I could pull away. It ended up all over her face and she got very annoyed before wiping it off. I realised what happened and explained. She said she didnt understand what I had said before and that she had assumed that I was warning that "I make it fast". I wonder what kind of WG doesnt know some of us dribble and some shoot far or anything in between.

One funny thing but not funny as a story, is the face Ava the kensington escort makes before a facial. She looks like rainman just about to be dunked to wash out shampoo in the bath, with the most unsexy pout/mouth strain I have ever seen. If you are reading this Ava, close your eyes if you dont want it to get there. it isnt my fault if it goes there in a facial when you keep your eyes open.

Sounds like something a lot of girls would ask for if he looks young - they can't risk shagging someone who's not yet 18.

She hadn't asked, he produced it immediately as he came through the door :D

One experience that has probably happened to alot of us at some point, was when I had just come a big load into  WGs mouth and she coughed hard suddenly. She sprayed it all over me and the room accidentally, as she didnt see the sough coming, as it were. Might be a lesson to not get owo from someone with a cough, but as it was in winter, most options would have had the sniffles or a cough I reckon. Funny at the time as it went everywhere and even came out her nose. thank fuck she hadnt got a blocked nose with her cough.

Another I can think of, in a two hour booking, she clearly had been trying to hold in a fart. When the doggy vag action got vigorous she clearly lost the ability to hold it and let out a loud bum fart. She was incredibly embarassed.  Some might be disgusted but I found it funny. It also means I worry about WGs that say indian or spicy food is their fav food. It might not be firing blanks then. Not funny at all if that happened.

A final awkward one was when I got owo from a WG that didnt do facials. I told her I shoot far, and alot, as she started the owo. Her english wasnt great but she seemed to acknowledge what I said. Sure enough, I told her I was going to come, she kept using her hand and her face was close. I was on my back an she above, so its not like I could pull away. It ended up all over her face and she got very annoyed before wiping it off. I realised what happened and explained. She said she didnt understand what I had said before and that she had assumed that I was warning that "I make it fast". I wonder what kind of WG doesnt know some of us dribble and some shoot far or anything in between.

One funny thing but not funny as a story, is the face Ava the kensington escort makes before a facial. She looks like rainman just about to be dunked to wash out shampoo in the bath, with the most unsexy pout/mouth strain I have ever seen. If you are reading this Ava, close your eyes if you dont want it to get there. it isnt my fault if it goes there in a facial when you keep your eyes open.
reminds me of the end of this classic vid, what do they expect honestly http://fantasti.cc/videos/permalink/xhamster/Escort-girls/3678843/#Collection_472813 another of mine involved the classic knocking on the wrong door balls-up, i'd booked to see an ee girl in stockport, pulled up in quiet terraced street and phoned her for the house number which she told me in a very thick accent,i wandered along to the number i thought she said which was answered by an old biddy of at least 70 like an idiot i asked for teresa anyway,the funny part is it had clearly happened before as the old dear just rolled her eyes and told me the actual house number for the girl  :D

reminds me of the end of this classic vid, what do they expect honestly http://fantasti.cc/videos/permalink/xhamster/Escort-girls/3678843/#Collection_472813 another of mine involved the classic knocking on the wrong door balls-up, i'd booked to see an ee girl in stockport, pulled up in quiet terraced street and phoned her for the house number which she told me in a very thick accent,i wandered along to the number i thought she said which was answered by an old biddy of at least 70 like an idiot i asked for teresa anyway,the funny part is it had clearly happened before as the old dear just rolled her eyes and told me the actual house number for the girl  :D

Nearly happened to me. Girl gave me the apt no. and told me to make my way up. Didn't realise there were 3 apts to a floor. As you reached the top of the stairs one door either side, third was back the way you'd come. Looked left, not that one so automatically assume it was the other. Raised my hand to knock and only at that point did I realise my mistake..... The words I uttered were 'Fuckin' hell!' :scare:

Offline tazz

I was fucking a lovely polish girl a few weeks ago, had Heart radio on in the background. The DJ then says "what are you doing now that you dont want to end. " Has to be the most unbelievable thing ive ever heard a DJ say whilst im screwing, she didnt hear him. Felt like phoning up or text the station to let them know.

couple of times i've done it dozy,randy fucker that i am,still you've got to laugh  :D

Offline wristjob

another of mine involved the classic knocking on the wrong door balls-up, i'd booked to see an ee girl in stockport, pulled up in quiet terraced street and phoned her for the house number which she told me in a very thick accent,i wandered along to the number i thought she said which was answered by an old biddy of at least 70 like an idiot i asked for teresa anyway,the funny part is it had clearly happened before as the old dear just rolled her eyes and told me the actual house number for the girl  :D

Happened to me recently - arguably worse. I arranged to go to a party, couldn't find the right door, phoned up and the door I was standing outside opened with a guy and a  girl there so I walked in, got a bit of a funny look, realised I was in the wrong place and erm can't exactly say who you are looking for can you.

I had travelled to the US to move there for 12 months and my first night not knowing anyone and staying in a motel, I ordered myself a working girl, the booking itself was decent. I got the cute girl I'd asked for from the agency site and think she liked that I was English.

Anyway post booking she went into the bathroom to get freshened up and I began browsing the pay per view movies and got Batman Begins read to go once she was off, when she came out of the bathroom she got very excited about the choice of film and asked if minded her staying and watching it with me because she hadn't seen it since the cinema.

She stayed for that and another film and we had some pretty awesome wings and ribs from a takeaway place she recommend.

Bit surreal looking back cuddling up on the bed half the night with her, watching films and eating takeaway, at the time though was pretty glad of the company since I didn't know a single person in the entire country!

Offline wristjob

Actually this freaked me out. About 3 years ago I went to see a Chinese girl about 6-7 miles from where I lived. About 2 days later a member of my family got a phone call from the police in that area, batted them off then gave me the heads up. no reason I could imagine that police from there would be interested in me and there were closer police stations.

I almost shat my pants, had images of monitoring the flat and me being done for paying trafficked girls (what I found on the internet didn't make it sound good).

Turned out my ex had been stirring shit and the local police station had closed down hence that one having the case.

Yes i did go back there about 3 more times and always parked about 400 yards away.

I was in bed with two young ladies, friends of each other, one very large and the other very slim, both from out of London, from South Wales. It was the night before one of Cynthia Payne's parties and I was allowed to meet the two as they were staying the night. We were, shall I say, deeply immersed like ting and yang, when there was a knock on the door and it was 2 coppers, a man and a woman, I got a fast attack of wind, and pulled out with a huge stiffy.

Gulp
tried to get on my trousers, the ladies pulled the sheet over themselves.

The coppers fled in embarrassment and when I got downstairs Cynthia was giving them tea. I asked if the ladies would be arrested both out of concern and to deflect questions from myself. No, they said, surprised at my concern, and carried on chatting. I muttered something about needing the toilet - which was true - used the bog and fled. Next day's  event was cancelled and life carried on as normal.

this was in the mid 1970s.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2014, 10:22:15 PM by Horizontal pleasures »

Offline tommy1970

Had an hour with a Thai Lady in a London flat about 3 years ago. Think her name was Nana. Its a really small studio flat with a basketful of condoms and various other pleasure tools around the place. Anyway we are getting down to business and there's a knock at the door. We ignore it but it persists and then two men start calling out. She tells me to ignore it but it becomes difficult as they are getting a bit annoyed. This goes on for 10 minutes or so and I'm beginning to play out all sorts or situations in my mind ranging from police to irate customers. She gets on the phone to a friend and a thai conversation ensues for 5 minutes or so and all the time I am wondering who i can ask to come and bail me out. She puts the phone down and after a minute or so of going bananas in Thai the phone rings again and another two minute conversation. It turns out its the broadband company come to install her internet - its been organised by her friend and they have been told to keep knocking. She goes to open the door and I say hold on as we hide the condoms and her tool box under the bed. I'm in my shreddies and I bung my shirt on and sit on the bed. Anyway these 2 guys come in and it must have been pretty obvious what was going on but I'm trapped. I have not paid and so cannot leave without making it pretty obvious what is going on as the place is tiny. So I'm sitting on the bed with nana and she offers me a go on her playstation! So there i am in a tiny studio flat, 40 years old, with a working girl at least 10 years my junior that speaks pigeon English, with 2 internet installers in the room, in my shreddies playing Batman lego on the playstaion. Crazy and god knows what the internet guys thought.
Banning reason: White-knight

Offline tommy1970

Thought of another one too! I was in Leeds and ordered a 4 hour outcall. We went for some drinks in the hotel bar and got on really well. After an hour we went back to the room for some fun and ended up having a great time. Anyway afterwards she's in the shower and she shouts out if I fancy a drink upstairs in the bar again. I say why not. She then says she is meeting a friend and her new boyfriend. I'm quite flattered and we concoct a story that I'm an old friend with benefits. She tells me her real name and that the female friend is in fact an escort herself. The boyfriend, on the other hand does not have a clue she is a working girl. He thinks that his new misses is a glamor model that goes to London for shoots 3 days a week. So there we are talking about his job, the weather & football with him probably thinking he was in a pretty normal situation when in fact he is with 2 prossies (one of which is his bird) and a punter! Poor bar steward. Anyway I looked up his bird on AW but never did get round to  seeing her .
Banning reason: White-knight

Offline Nhsi

The wg I was seeing asked me if I could change the clit ring of her friend (not a prossie) who was in the other room. I declined, but, to my embarrassment at the time, she invited her friend in to the room when I was still getting dressed and made me a coffee. Ended up staying there about 3 hours chatting to them and going through her aw account with her and stuff. Always go back now, really only for the enjoyable company.


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