Annoying Sports Commentators

[houseboot]

1 Phil Yates - Snooker - constantly spewing out mind numbing statistics.

2 Ian Bishop - Cricket - over analysing the tactics of Twenty Twenty matches (currently IPL)

3 John Inverdale - Rugby, Tennis etc - smug, smug, smug, yuk, yuk, yuk

Rant over 

[Coriniumstud]

Wayne Mardle on the Darts, why can’t he just shut the fuck up annoying twat
David Croft F1 too much waffling
John Virgo on the Snooker

[mr.bluesky]

Clive Tyldesley football .

[Liverpool]

Chris Waddle on Radio 5 constantly going on about the fucking "tempo".

Joe Buck, American Football commentator for Fox Sports. Sanctimonious and full of himself.

[mr.bluesky]

Keith Huewen a former rider who does the commentary on Moto GP. So annoying

[Londonpunter30]

Cartoon Kirby - Eurosport Cycling Commentator

[regenmeister]

James Allen when he did the F1

[ratedj]

Keith Huewen a former rider who does the commentary on Moto GP. So annoying

This.

[Mickys1621]

Any ex footballer who says us, we, ours, when commentating on their old team

[thekingreturns]

Derek Rae and Lee Dixon on FIFA 21 

[hermanmunster]

Ray Houghton - if his co-commentator has the gall to have a different opinion to his (and the co-commentator is a presenter rather than ex-footballer), Houghton's argument is then "Have YOU played football at the highest level?".  I must have heard him say this 50 times! It was a way of demeaning his colleague's opinion and this smug, blinkered arrogance ultimately lost Houghton his job on Talksport.

[Dick Cheese]

Ian Darke....never shuts the fuck up.

[Blackpool Rock]

Women commentating on men's football, just another move towards being all inclusive but on Football focus and other programs they seem hell bent on getting an ex female player to comment on everything.
When commentating on actual games I can't stand the high pitch when anything exciting starts happening, makes my fucking ears bleed.

No problem them commentating on Womens footy in fact it probably should be women and not men, oh and at least I don't have to listen to it 

[threechilliman]

Glenn Hoddle. See how long it takes him to say 'early doors' after a game has kicked off.

[hermanmunster]

Women commentating on men's football, just another move towards being all inclusive but on Football focus and other programs they seem hell bent on getting an ex female player to comment on everything.
When commentating on actual games I can't stand the high pitch when anything exciting starts happening, makes my fucking ears bleed.

No problem them commentating on Womens footy in fact it probably should be women and not men, oh and at least I don't have to listen to it 

Women commentating on big football games is excruciating - all the ridiculous cliches and no intelligence conversation.

However there are several women who commentate on cricket who are fantastic, humorous and knowledgeable.

Why such a difference?

[WelshMichael]

Any of the boxing commentators/summarisers these days, though particularly Adam Smith on Sky. They seem to think it's compulsory to talk for 3 minutes of every round. Anyone applying for such a job should be sat in a room for a day with recordings of Harry Carpenter to learn how it should be done. Let the action speak for itself (it's television remember) and speak when you have something to add.

[mr.bluesky]

BBC radio Five Live football commentator Alan Green. Luckily I don't listen to football commentary on the radio much since I have Sky sport.

[willie loman]

this wont be a popular choice, but i find pat nevins voice extremely irritating, no clarity , depth or intonation,or strength, he is never off the radio, as he is viewed with some justification as an intellectual, and he is a thoroughly decent guy, who had a reasonable career.

[Jumping Jack Flash]

John Motson, the master of speaking the bleeding obvious. His style was more suited to radio where you have to have a more descriptive style. On TV we can see what’s happening Motty! Barry Davies was a far superior commentator.

[threechilliman]

John Motson, the master of speaking the bleeding obvious. His style was more suited to radio where you have to have a more descriptive style. On TV we can see what’s happening Motty! Barry Davies was a far superior commentator.

Yep, completely agree on that. I've always enjoyed commentary by Barry Davies.

[Gordon Bennett]

Dunno if he counts but I'm well sick of Chris "Kammy" Kamara. How he ever got away with being so inept in the first place is a mystery but he somehow convinced many that not knowing the names of players or having much idea what was going on in the match he was "reporting" on was somehow cute and endearing?????
I literally wince when he pops up on Soccer Saturday each week.

[berksboy]

Any of the boxing commentators/summarisers these days, though particularly Adam Smith on Sky. They seem to think it's compulsory to talk for 3 minutes of every round. Anyone applying for such a job should be sat in a room for a day with recordings of Harry Carpenter to learn how it should be done. Let the action speak for itself (it's television remember) and speak when you have something to add.

Spot on , sometimes less is better. The best round of all time has got to be round 1 of Hagler V Hearns on ITV you have the quiet understated tones of Reg Gutteridge "no scouting reports from these two , like walking into a minefield " compared to the hysterical screaming on the USA commentators.

[Blackpool Rock]

BBC radio Five Live football commentator Alan Green. Luckily I don't listen to football commentary on the radio much since I have Sky sport.

See I like the 5 live commentary, far better than Talksport and anyone on Sky, in fact if I had sky then i'd watch their pictures with the 5 live commentary 

[Liverpool]

BBC radio Five Live football commentator Alan Green. Luckily I don't listen to football commentary on the radio much since I have Sky sport.

He hasn't done commentary for a while now. Thank goodness.

[Paris69]

Spot on , sometimes less is better. The best round of all time has got to be round 1 of Hagler V Hearns on ITV you have the quiet understated tones of Reg Gutteridge "no scouting reports from these two , like walking into a minefield " compared to the hysterical screaming on the USA commentators.

That's cos he really understood the sport...and was a fan too.
Similarly, Martin Brundle in F1

[Blackpool Rock]

That's cos he really understood the sport...and was a fan too.
Similarly, Martin Brundle in F1

Yeah Brundle's good and the stuff Billy Monger is really good given his young age, a wise head on young shoulders 

I was going to mention Murray Walker and F1 and can remember back in the 80's an awful lot of people pulling their hair out and saying he should be got rid of but i'm glad they didn't.
He was a true enthusiast and lived for and loves the sport, I can forgive his Gaff's and looking back it's now funny how the other commentator who lets say had their finger on the pulse a bit more would correct him but in a really nice way as if it was your old grandad 

Murray Walker's best quotes
"There's nothing wrong with the car except it's on fire"

"With half the race gone there is half the race to go"

"I imagine the conditions in those cars are totally unimaginable"

"Either that car is stationary or it's on the move"

"Do my eyes deceive me or is Senna's car sounding a bit rough?"

"And the first five places are filled with five different cars"

"And this is the third-placed car about to lap the second-placed car"

"The battle is well and truly on if it wasn't on before, and it certainly was"

"Two laps to go, then the action will begin. Unless this is the action, which it is"

"I'm going for first" (Explaining away a British Touring car driver putting up his middle finger)

Murray: "There's a firey glow coming from the back of the Ferrari!" - James Hunt: "No Murray, that's his rear safety light"

"Let's watch this typical Formula Ford start!" (instead they promptly all ran into each other)

"It's a sad ending, albeit a happy one, here at Montreal for today's Grand Prix"

"Andrea de Cesaris, the man who has won more grand prix than anyone else without actually winning one"

"Unless I'm very much mistaken... I am very much mistaken!"

"And now excuse me while I interrupt myself!"

"The young Ralf Schumacher has been upstaged by teenager Jenson Button, who is 20"
"It would have been Senna's third win in a row if he'd won the two before"

"I'm ready to stop my start watch"

[threechilliman]

Yeah Brundle's good and the stuff Billy Monger is really good given his young age, a wise head on young shoulders 

I was going to mention Murray Walker and F1 and can remember back in the 80's an awful lot of people pulling their hair out and saying he should be got rid of but i'm glad they didn't.
He was a true enthusiast and lived for and loves the sport, I can forgive his Gaff's and looking back it's now funny how the other commentator who lets say had their finger on the pulse a bit more would correct him but in a really nice way as if it was your old grandad 

Murray Walker's best quotes
"There's nothing wrong with the car except it's on fire"

"With half the race gone there is half the race to go"

"I imagine the conditions in those cars are totally unimaginable"

"Either that car is stationary or it's on the move"

"Do my eyes deceive me or is Senna's car sounding a bit rough?"

"And the first five places are filled with five different cars"

"And this is the third-placed car about to lap the second-placed car"

"The battle is well and truly on if it wasn't on before, and it certainly was"

"Two laps to go, then the action will begin. Unless this is the action, which it is"

"I'm going for first" (Explaining away a British Touring car driver putting up his middle finger)

Murray: "There's a firey glow coming from the back of the Ferrari!" - James Hunt: "No Murray, that's his rear safety light"

"Let's watch this typical Formula Ford start!" (instead they promptly all ran into each other)

"It's a sad ending, albeit a happy one, here at Montreal for today's Grand Prix"

"Andrea de Cesaris, the man who has won more grand prix than anyone else without actually winning one"

"Unless I'm very much mistaken... I am very much mistaken!"

"And now excuse me while I interrupt myself!"

"The young Ralf Schumacher has been upstaged by teenager Jenson Button, who is 20"
"It would have been Senna's third win in a row if he'd won the two before"

"I'm ready to stop my start watch"

Old Murray..... and James Hunt was a great foil for him. I think they only had one microphone which they used to fight over!

[Mifune]

John Motson, the master of speaking the bleeding obvious. His style was more suited to radio where you have to have a more descriptive style. On TV we can see what’s happening Motty! Barry Davies was a far superior commentator.

Agree.  It used to boil my piss that Motson seemed more in favour than the vastly superior Barry Davies.

I still watch this goal Bergkamp scored against Argentina in the World Cup.  All he said was “Bergkamp.......oh, what I goal!”, but his delivery gives me goosebumps every time.

External Link/Members Only

[Coriniumstud]

Dunno if he counts but I'm well sick of Chris "Kammy" Kamara. How he ever got away with being so inept in the first place is a mystery but he somehow convinced many that not knowing the names of players or having much idea what was going on in the match he was "reporting" on was somehow cute and endearing?????
I literally wince when he pops up on Soccer Saturday each week.

You’re sick of Kammy....... unbelievable

[Sheraton]

Steve McManaman is annoying as is Jame Carragher, though to a lesser extent.  SM offers very little insights, despite his playing career.  JC has a habit of taking a sharp intake of breath before talking.  To be fair JC can be insightful comments.

[Blackpool Rock]

You’re sick of Kammy....... unbelievable

Some of his finest moments 

External Link/Members Only

[mr.bluesky]

Any ex footballer who says us, we, ours, when commentating on their old team

Any commentator who says a player " opens up his body". How can you open up your body ? All your blood and guts would spill out  A stupid expression. Jamie Carragher used it during his full time analysis the other day. Player recieved the ball on the edge of the box and opened up his body. 

[willie loman]

Any commentator who says a player " opens up his body". How can you open up your body ? All your blood and guts would spill out  A stupid expression. Jamie Carragher used it during his full time analysis the other day. Player recieved the ball on the edge of the box and opened up his body. 

its a phrase in common use, and presumably means something, maybe someone could explain.?

[Paris69]

Yeah Brundle's good and the stuff Billy Monger is really good given his young age, a wise head on young shoulders 

I was going to mention Murray Walker and F1 and can remember back in the 80's an awful lot of people pulling their hair out and saying he should be got rid of but i'm glad they didn't.
He was a true enthusiast and lived for and loves the sport, I can forgive his Gaff's and looking back it's now funny how the other commentator who lets say had their finger on the pulse a bit more would correct him but in a really nice way as if it was your old grandad 

Murray Walker's best quotes
"There's nothing wrong with the car except it's on fire"

"With half the race gone there is half the race to go"

"I imagine the conditions in those cars are totally unimaginable"

"Either that car is stationary or it's on the move"

"Do my eyes deceive me or is Senna's car sounding a bit rough?"

"And the first five places are filled with five different cars"

"And this is the third-placed car about to lap the second-placed car"

"The battle is well and truly on if it wasn't on before, and it certainly was"

"Two laps to go, then the action will begin. Unless this is the action, which it is"

"I'm going for first" (Explaining away a British Touring car driver putting up his middle finger)

Murray: "There's a firey glow coming from the back of the Ferrari!" - James Hunt: "No Murray, that's his rear safety light"

"Let's watch this typical Formula Ford start!" (instead they promptly all ran into each other)

"It's a sad ending, albeit a happy one, here at Montreal for today's Grand Prix"

"Andrea de Cesaris, the man who has won more grand prix than anyone else without actually winning one"

"Unless I'm very much mistaken... I am very much mistaken!"

"And now excuse me while I interrupt myself!"

"The young Ralf Schumacher has been upstaged by teenager Jenson Button, who is 20"
"It would have been Senna's third win in a row if he'd won the two before"

"I'm ready to stop my start watch"

Murray was class.... He was such an F1 fanatic that his love of the sport was obvious and contagious....
Add Fleetwood Mac's The Chain music, and my spine tingles.....

[mr.bluesky]

Murray was class.... He was such an F1 fanatic that his love of the sport was obvious and contagious....
Add Fleetwood Mac's The Chain music, and my spine tingles.....

A great commentator despite all his gaffs. I think that was why he was so popular.  Bring back Fleetwood Mac's The Chain as the theme tune as well  His first love was always claimed to be motorcycle racing. I believe his father was a former motorbike racer.

[Coriniumstud]

John Motson, the master of speaking the bleeding obvious. His style was more suited to radio where you have to have a more descriptive style. On TV we can see what’s happening Motty! Barry Davies was a far superior commentator.

Motty just boring couldn’t give a fuck what happened when the two teams met in 1979
Barry Davies legend

[ratedj]

its a phrase in common use, and presumably means something, maybe someone could explain.?

Indeed it does. It's a technical term which makes perfect sense to the initiated, though for the uninitiated I can understand that it might sound rather daft. It's basically referencing an open body shape. For instance, you might often find a player getting themselves into a goalscoring position, in which case they will 'open up their body' in order to enable them to view the whole goal and the position of the goalkeeper. It's hard to articulate in a coherent manner without being able to provide examples, but it's something that you learn from an early age, becoming second nature.

[houseboot]

Any commentator who says a player " opens up his body". How can you open up your body ? All your blood and guts would spill out  A stupid expression. Jamie Carragher used it during his full time analysis the other day. Player recieved the ball on the edge of the box and opened up his body. 

Once upon a time, football was a simple game ..... then they started writing coaching manuals.

Last year's buzzword seemed to be "transition" and Jamie Carragher used to use it every other word:-

External Link/Members Only

[mr.bluesky]

Once upon a time, football was a simple game ..... then they started writing coaching manuals.

Last year's buzzword seemed to be "transition" and Jamie Carragher used to use it every other word:-

External Link/Members Only

Agree. Still sounds ridiculous.  It's a bit like the " buzz" words mentioned on a thread a long time ago. " singing from the same hymn sheet" "pushing the envelope" etc.  Oh for the days when people spoke simple English  "Early doors" is another saying that gets on my nerves. A regular saying of Ron Atkinson when he was a pundit.

[willie loman]

Indeed it does. It's a technical term which makes perfect sense to the initiated, though for the uninitiated I can understand that it might sound rather daft. It's basically referencing an open body shape. For instance, you might often find a player getting themselves into a goalscoring position, in which case they will 'open up their body' in order to enable them to view the whole goal and the position of the goalkeeper. It's hard to articulate in a coherent manner without being able to provide examples, but it's something that you learn from an early age, becoming second nature.

Thanks i had a hunch it meant something like that.,

[willie loman]

to kind of change the topic, its interesting how few memorable one liners or catchphrases have come out of football commentary at least south of the border, apart from "they think its all over", happy to be corrected. though memorably mcilvaney once described australia, as having"left their future behind them in the first half".

[Blackpool Rock]

Agree. Still sounds ridiculous.  It's a bit like the " buzz" words mentioned on a thread a long time ago. " singing from the same hymn sheet" "pushing the envelope" etc.  Oh for the days when people spoke simple English  "Early doors" is another saying that gets on my nerves. A regular saying of Ron Atkinson when he was a pundit.

I don't mind "Early doors" as it's at least got a real meaning as in fairly soon in the game.

The one that has cropped up in the last few years which really boils my piss is "They wanted it more" when discussing a game of football and the team who won the game.
Totally meaningless and made up phrase, could be that the players in the team that lost actually "wanted it more" but compared to the winners they're crap which is why they lost 

[Keema]

Dan Walker - snivelling over paid creep with an unnatural fascination with old men
Jonathan Davies - Welsh whiney rodent
Jimmy Hill (RIP)-  he's a poof

[bhudda]

Steve McManaman is annoying as is Jame Carragher, though to a lesser extent.  SM offers very little insights, despite his playing career.  JC has a habit of taking a sharp intake of breath before talking.  To be fair JC can be insightful comments.

Agreed ... with  all the gadgets and options available these days im surprised switching on a scouse filter isnt one of them.

Any commentator who is constantly  over excited no matter what is happening (americans), any commentator who spouts endless irrelevent stats (football on sky and bt) and any who constantly repeats what he already said 10 seconds ago (shane warne).

Richie benaud was the best ever commentator ... never said a word unless there was actually something worth saying.

[Keema]

Anyone who says Yer Man Uniteds, yer Arsenals, yer Liverpools

[chrishornx]

just been watching the Vuelta don't know his name but the main commentator is awful...

."and then we get to the Finish line right at the very end"

and at the end he says " and that is a win, did the Russian get there Sean?"  Sean's reply..... ''No it was the Belgian"

earlier in the race -"it is going to be a wet day with the rain"

[Londonpunter30]

just been watching the Vuelta don't know his name but the main commentator is awful...

."and then we get to the Finish line right at the very end"

and at the end he says " and that is a win, did the Russian get there Sean?"  Sean's reply..... ''No it was the Belgian"

earlier in the race -"it is going to be a wet day with the rain"

Carlton Kirby, already mentioned him above.  He is totally useless and spends half his time laughing at his own jokes

[stevedave]

Eddie Butler, fucking shite.

[chrishornx]

Carlton Kirby, already mentioned him above.  He is totally useless and spends half his time laughing at his own jokes

thanks and agree he does laugh at his own jokes......useless

bring back channel 4 and David Millar

[Gordon Bennett]

Anyone who says Yer Man Uniteds, yer Arsenals, yer Liverpools

ditto The Arsenal