Kina : Car Crash "punt" : Lush Escorts : Birmingham

[lagosmargaret]

External Link/Members Only

The very embodiment of the polar experiences one can have with Lush  .Literally fLUSHed my 60 smackeroos down the loo with this one,and the faecal smell still lingers in my nostrils.......

Comms : Site : Damage
- Usual protocol : rang them to book  + again on arrival for flat no.
- Gated complex in the Digbeth area : bit of a maze
- Easily used keypad
- Modern clean flat + shower : basic room
  £60/30
                                                                   
General bits

British Asian (Pakistani vibes?) : Late 20s IMO : 5'7"(ish) : darker side of medium skin tone

Face : Attractive IMO : sharp "ratty" features  : v.white teeth

Build + Body :
Slimmer + scrawnier than pics                             
prob.size 8
slimmish pert bum
massive gazonkas for her frame  - 32/34  DD/EE/FF (take your pick)
medium dark nips + soup plate areolae
Didn't look/feel fake

The Meet
A fairly exposed walk through the big courtyard.Entered + settled up.Startled me a bit by asking what name I'd booked under with the agency  .After she'd got her mitts on my dollars.Security conscious ? Did she think I was an imposter who'd got someone else to book on my behalf? Dunno what her game was , but I've booked with Lush several times + they know me.Not an auspicious start,this "suspicious" start.Alas,my money had scrammed , couldn't back out.

These initial narrow cracks in  the punt began to widen after showering.Came out and she was lain face up on the bed still in her lingerie,body language not encouraging.Lay down beside her + some small chat before I decided to push things along,as she was ostensibly unwilling to.10+ mins had elapsed.A few light lip kisses + gropes with us loosely entwined,but there was no real ignition spark.

She sat up,took off her bra + her Hindenburgs flopped out.Holy Moly,they were BIG  .Barrage balloons .Accentuated by her slimmish frame.Her bra-maker probably used small parachutes for the cups.Didn't feel fake to me,were soft + pendulous. Had a good suckle on the valves,gazing in wonderment at the saucer-sized choccy areolae.Still wasn't feeling it-mini LM was about 10% full,so asked her for a nosh  to see if the floodgates would open to fill him satisfactorily.Still hadn't taken her pants off.

5mins of the worst "oral" I've ever experienced  . Didn't stick the shaft fully in her mouth once,a few uncommitted licks ,mainly concentrated on light nibbles of the tater sack.

Did nothing for me.Remember mini-LM was 10% full ? Well ,he flatlined  .Beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeee . DIED.The pallbearers came out.Got buried in the Erection Cemetery.RIP (Resuscitation Impossible for this Prick) on his tombstone.

This "punt" had fallen off the White Cliffs of Dover + wasn't going anywhere.Called a halt to this malignant meet as I'd never really "felt" it (probably neither had she) .Zero chemistry ? Was she excruciatingly submissive? Or just a cynical ,crap SP wanting easy money ? You decide.

Left after approx. 20mins amid her  "apologies".Hadn't seen her pussy or even sprayed for my hard-earnt shekels.SMH. 

+ves
Attractive IMO + decent figure
Humongous coconuts -Jeez
Sampled those udders
"Only" £60 wasted (would've got more entertainment shredding it into confetti)

-ves
Where do I start ? And finish ? 

See her again ? Would rather stick my dick through a gloryhole with a starving tiger on the other side......or have a facesitting sesh with Miriam Margolyes 
LM 

p.s. Had a good one with another Lush girl . Review to follow.

[Goldfinch]

Entertaining review-cheers for sharing.

Hope your next one is a positive.

[escortman]

Shame i had her on my list 

[alibirmingham]

Thanks again OP for another Toftt review on a lush girl. This one (unlike the other review you done) was one I was watching quite keenly and nearly booked myself but she was unavailable. I’ve always been 50/50 (Hence why I never followed up and persisted in trying to book) as her pics on the website and frame etc didn’t seem to match and at one point I was wondering if it was a post op tranny but that’s unlikely given your description of her tits. Shame you never got below decks though.

It’s her full service I was keen on given that it states she does anal of any size on her lush profile. But based on what you have said it’s most likely one to avoid as she’s probably full of it and only put it there to entice and suck in punters with no intention of delivering. If she can’t even suck a dick then hoping for anal is like picking up a footbal for the first time and hoping to score for England at a World Cup final. Simple ain’t gonna happen 

[P.O.G]

I looked at her and considered her, but her breasts listed as enhanced put me off. Good on your for giving it a go, sorry it was a shit punt. Thanks for the review 

[HERTSBLUE]

Your reviews are hilarious mate keep them coming 

[bbois77]

Brilliant review, more important to know the SPs to avoid than who the half decent ones are, thanks

[escortman]

Ali i have looked a few times now you could be so right   

As her pics on the website and frame etc didn’t seem to match and at one point I was wondering if it was a post op tranny but that’s unlikely given your description of her tits.

[alibirmingham]

Ali i have looked a few times now you could be so right   

As her pics on the website and frame etc didn’t seem to match and at one point I was wondering if it was a post op tranny but that’s unlikely given your description of her tits.

What’s got me even more confused is on the website it states her chest is enhanced but op said felt very natural. Also the description of her nips make it sound like natural nips as guys don’t have huge areolas so if it was a post op tranny Hard to understand why they would chose to have huge nips and areolas.

Can’t decide either way so don’t want to say she is or she isn’t. But not one I’d want to take a risk on just yet if ever.

[jimmymac]

Thanks yet again for an entertaining, hilarious review. Pity the actual punt wasn't as entertaining. Better luck next time.

[lagosmargaret]

What’s got me even more confused is on the website it states her chest is enhanced but op said felt very natural. Also the description of her nips make it sound like natural nips as guys don’t have huge areolas so if it was a post op tranny Hard to understand why they would chose to have huge nips and areolas.

Can’t decide either way so don’t want to say she is or she isn’t. But not one I’d want to take a risk on just yet if ever.

Hi AliB,

I note your (+ others') confusion -

putting my Columbo hat on now......

A) I have some doubt that the website pics are of her.If so,they're heavily 'shopped.The girl I saw had a slightly darker skin tone(to my eyes).Moreover,she had a skinnier body,legs etc compared to the pics(could've lost weight,of course).

B) Website states "enhanced" boobs.To my eyes + touch they looked/felt natural. Soft + pendulous.If they were fake,a v.impressive surgical job,or I'm dipshit thick + unobservant,or I need to make myself Specsavers' best customer  ! 

C) Her areolae were the biggest I've seen since the year dot + also looked natural.I believe this may exclude your "post-op tranny" hypothesis ?

I stand by my descriptions,even though they may be at odds with the website.After all,"Say what you see"( Roy Walker,Catchphrase) .Maybe someone should "take a 2nd for the team" + confirm? May also find out if her service is routinely crap or she just hated the sight of me? Ha ha.

Aside from obviously bigging up their escort offering by retouching pics,maybe Lush are  inputting misleading details/using unrepresentative photos of some of their girls to protect their identities?(But Sophia's pics are very close,Lucy's are bang on).

Or,when the webmaster puts up a new girl on the website,they're neglecting to start with a blank canvas in the new girl's profile,leaving relic text from the previous profile occupant?

For example,Lucy's profile( punted + reviewed) states that she has "four differently sized tattoos which have been removed from her photographs for privacy reasons".When I saw her,explored most of her body + didn't notice any !

Hmmmmmm..the plot thickens........

LM   

[lagosmargaret]

Thanks yet again for an entertaining, hilarious review. Pity the actual punt wasn't as entertaining. Better luck next time.

  JimmyM

[lagosmargaret]

Your reviews are hilarious mate keep them coming 

You're welcome 

[lagosmargaret]

Brilliant review, more important to know the SPs to avoid than who the half decent ones are, thanks

You're welcome 

[lagosmargaret]

I looked at her and considered her, but her breasts listed as enhanced put me off. Good on your for giving it a go, sorry it was a shit punt. Thanks for the review 

You're  welcome 

[lagosmargaret]

Thanks again OP for another Toftt review on a lush girl. This one (unlike the other review you done) was one I was watching quite keenly and nearly booked myself but she was unavailable. I’ve always been 50/50 (Hence why I never followed up and persisted in trying to book) as her pics on the website and frame etc didn’t seem to match and at one point I was wondering if it was a post op tranny but that’s unlikely given your description of her tits. Shame you never got below decks though.

It’s her full service I was keen on given that it states she does anal of any size on her lush profile. But based on what you have said it’s most likely one to avoid as she’s probably full of it and only put it there to entice and suck in punters with no intention of delivering. If she can’t even suck a dick then hoping for anal is like picking up a footbal for the first time and hoping to score for England at a World Cup final. Simple ain’t gonna happen 

You're welcome 

[lagosmargaret]

Entertaining review-cheers for sharing.

Hope your next one is a positive.

Thanks 

[Taggart]

Prompted by this review, I decided to look at Lush's website in more detail.

It's utter cobblers,  written by someone either high on something or a degree in marketing.

Coalville: "Coalville is known as one of the sexiest cities for many reasons- the legal pot shops, the exciting swinger's clubs, and also for being the place to look out for sexy escorts. Coalville escorts provide access to sweet English ladies, European sexy ladies, as well as international women who reside in the city who have chosen to be escorts in Coalville. These women are carefully hand-picked after proper scrutiny. "

What cock! It's a town not a city, and an ex-mining town. It's still a dump 30 years after the last pit closed. They've mixed Hinckley with Worcester!


Hinckley: "Hinckley is a city located in the West Midlands of England. It has a population density of more than 94,000 citizens. It has different tourists’ attractions such as the museums which include Elgar Birthplace Museum located in Crown East Lane, the Commander Civil War Center situated at Sudbury, the Snow hill Manor sited in Broadway and the Royal Hinckley Visitor Centre located on the Seven Street.

Er, no, it's East Midlands, population 58,000. Elgar was born near Worcester. There's no civil war centre, no Sudbury, no Severn Street etc.  All ficticious bollox.

Warwick: Warwick is known as the city of festival and the Real Ale of Britain.

Really? No more bollox

Burton on Trent: Burton Upon Trent is one of the best cities you can ever think of spending your summer holiday. It is an extremely prevalent place and has been known for its elegant spots for those looking for pleasurable places where they can use for their special occasions and get-away. There are extremely amazing sights to observe that will leave enduring remembrances with the voyagers. This city is reputed to be the one of the focal point of English Culture, incorporating wonderful bars and restaurants, galleries, parks, prestigious inns, and so on. Burton Upon Trent is a standout city among the most wonderful ends of the world you can think of.

FFS, what drivel......

Lichfield: Lichfield escorts have sumptuously full breasts enticing enough to arouse you to want to suck and fondle them forever, their well rounded and curvaceous shaped buttocks can actually make just any man go crazy. Lichfield escort agency enlists ladies that are extraordinarily attractive, endowed, sweet, and always wet with the unquenchable desire to please and have you all to themselves

Fck me, like Mills & Boon...but still bollox

OK, OK, so you get the drift. Wild ramblings, vague truths, and lies about the towns they claim to serve.  So ask yourself this, if they cant crib details from Wikipedia correctly, cant tell the difference between a town and a city, are you 100% sure their description of your chosen escort will be correct to the letter?

I think not.

It's feasible some of you have had good experiences with Lush, but based on what the OP has revealed, and 5 mins on their website, at the very least the accuracy of what is provided on the webiste is questionable. They wouldnt get my business.

[alibirmingham]

Prompted by this review, I decided to look at Lush's website in more detail.

It's utter cobblers,  written by someone either high on something or a degree in marketing.

Coalville: "Coalville is known as one of the sexiest cities for many reasons- the legal pot shops, the exciting swinger's clubs, and also for being the place to look out for sexy escorts. Coalville escorts provide access to sweet English ladies, European sexy ladies, as well as international women who reside in the city who have chosen to be escorts in Coalville. These women are carefully hand-picked after proper scrutiny. "

What cock! It's a town not a city, and an ex-mining town. It's still a dump 30 years after the last pit closed. They've mixed Hinckley with Worcester!


Hinckley: "Hinckley is a city located in the West Midlands of England. It has a population density of more than 94,000 citizens. It has different tourists’ attractions such as the museums which include Elgar Birthplace Museum located in Crown East Lane, the Commander Civil War Center situated at Sudbury, the Snow hill Manor sited in Broadway and the Royal Hinckley Visitor Centre located on the Seven Street.

Er, no, it's East Midlands, population 58,000. Elgar was born near Worcester. There's no civil war centre, no Sudbury, no Severn Street etc.  All ficticious bollox.

Warwick: Warwick is known as the city of festival and the Real Ale of Britain.

Really? No more bollox

Burton on Trent: Burton Upon Trent is one of the best cities you can ever think of spending your summer holiday. It is an extremely prevalent place and has been known for its elegant spots for those looking for pleasurable places where they can use for their special occasions and get-away. There are extremely amazing sights to observe that will leave enduring remembrances with the voyagers. This city is reputed to be the one of the focal point of English Culture, incorporating wonderful bars and restaurants, galleries, parks, prestigious inns, and so on. Burton Upon Trent is a standout city among the most wonderful ends of the world you can think of.

FFS, what drivel......

Lichfield: Lichfield escorts have sumptuously full breasts enticing enough to arouse you to want to suck and fondle them forever, their well rounded and curvaceous shaped buttocks can actually make just any man go crazy. Lichfield escort agency enlists ladies that are extraordinarily attractive, endowed, sweet, and always wet with the unquenchable desire to please and have you all to themselves

Fck me, like Mills & Boon...but still bollox

OK, OK, so you get the drift. Wild ramblings, vague truths, and lies about the towns they claim to serve.  So ask yourself this, if they cant crib details from Wikipedia correctly, cant tell the difference between a town and a city, are you 100% sure their description of your chosen escort will be correct to the letter?

I think not.

It's feasible some of you have had good experiences with Lush, but based on what the OP has revealed, and 5 mins on their website, at the very least the accuracy of what is provided on the webiste is questionable. They wouldnt get my business.

Think majority of escorts sites will be filled with bollocks but tbh I’d be more concerned about bollocks written about the wg’s and their service etc rather then the cities they are located in or their attractions.

Lush has a bad rep for a very good reason and I have been an avid critic of it and the service but when I do come across a good point I will review it as such even if it’s from a piss poor agency. That said I have noticed there’s a lot more genuine British girls coming through Lush these days and those are the ones tending to get the poss reviews. The EE and ethnic/exotic (Indian, Pakistani etc) ones tend to be in it more for the money and relay on their conveyer belt service or exotic appeal to keep the punters coming.

So whereby the website may be full of crap regarding towns etc I’d pay more attention the to quality of wg’s they offer. Kina was shit as I’m sure a few of them are, maybe even the majority 

And a side note, I have a feeling majority of the bullshit may have been copied and pasted from some source but that’s just a hunch. Can’t see them caring too much about the population of a city or who was born there.

[Taggart]

Don’t disagree with what you say but Lush are there to make money, but it won’t happen via lies and bulls£££ profiles. In the Internet age, the word spreads, and agencies are only as good as their last review IMO.

I had Tiffanie on my radar until this kicked off. Will look for a good indie now.

[alibirmingham]

Don’t disagree with what you say but Lush are there to make money, but it won’t happen via lies and bulls£££ profiles. In the Internet age, the word spreads, and agencies are only as good as their last review IMO.

I had Tiffanie on my radar until this kicked off. Will look for a good indie now.

  Totally agree

one thing that has just shocked me is that they actually post negative reviews for their WG's and allow them on the site. Till just now i always thought they would filter out the bad ones and only leave positive reviews up to bring in the business even for the crap WG's. It is on their VIP site so not sure if that makes a difference, or maybe i never saw the negative reviews in the past. But of course i dont believe everything i read. Kina for example has all poss reviews on the site but we know from the OP she is anything but a good punt.

[joninbristol]

Prompted by this review, I decided to look at Lush's website in more detail.

It's utter cobblers,  written by someone either high on something or a degree in marketing.

Burton on Trent: This city is reputed to be the one of the focal point of English Culture, incorporating wonderful bars and restaurants, galleries, parks, prestigious inns, and so on. Burton Upon Trent is a standout city among the most wonderful ends of the world you can think of.

That's my mind made up.
It was going to be Dubai, Paris or Rio next year post Covid, I just couldn't decide.
But reading this clinched it - Burton on Trent here I come.
Can't wait, sounds awesome.

I wonder what the beach and night life is like..... 

[alpharius]

I'm not sure what Sergei's plan is, other than to drown out the competition. Found some great looking girls on Birmingham Dolls, but the number leads to Lush. There was at least 5 websites that I now think are linked to them (and as the handler said to me, are not being maintained, the only girls active are on Lush)

[alibirmingham]

I'm not sure what Sergei's plan is, other than to drown out the competition. Found some great looking girls on Birmingham Dolls, but the number leads to Lush. There was at least 5 websites that I now think are linked to them (and as the handler said to me, are not being maintained, the only girls active are on Lush)

Mentioned this (the part where Lush seem to have many sites all with the same number) on a recent thread I started. Initially thought it was to maximise exposure but you may be right in that it’s also to drown out the competition and they have done a good job with that.