Trying your luck with your cleaner!

[scutty brown]

I've had 3 of my cleaners.
I texted the first one I ever hired "do you want to give me a massage for extra money" and went on from there when she said yes.
The second one I used the same method. But only got a hj.
The third saw a boom I had lying on my desk on nindage and asked me about it...
The forth was an agency girl I asked for a massage and she reported me!!
So don't be rude to agency cleaners. Nothing came of it the agency just sent me a new cleaner.

a boom on nindage??
Is that some kind of Japanese Ninja farting technique?

[hungrypunt]

The third saw a boom I had lying on my desk on nindage and asked me about it...

Book on bondage

I used to have one but never got to read it cos I always seemed to be tied up 

[Absolutman]

PS to WinkyWanky, my apologies for misnaming you; it was not intentional. Also, I appreciate your fair response to my reaction to your comment. Btw I would add my last cleaner was a Ukrainian Milf. She left when she found a boyfriend who (probably rightly) did not want to send her out to work and she was happy to have an easier life.

[winkywanky]

PS to WinkyWanky, my apologies for misnaming you; it was not intentional. Also, I appreciate your fair response to my reaction to your comment. Btw I would add my last cleaner was a Ukrainian Milf. She left when she found a boyfriend who (probably rightly) did not want to send her out to work and she was happy to have an easier life.

No worries 

[RogerBoner]

I've had 3 of my cleaners.

Were they English?
It doesn't seem like this happens very much judging by the posts on here.

[Rochelle]

I did not say it was you that created the argument. I had given a view before you were involved.

To start trading definitions would be to accept there was an offence to define. There was not, I believe he just meant chat her up, something most of us have done at some time.

I suggest you get out more.

Maybe he should choose his words a bit more carefully as a few of us have picked up on that word. It was unwise.

[Outcallguy]

Were they English?
It doesn't seem like this happens very much judging by the posts on here.

No not English. Bulgarian. And Brazilian

[Natwest]

I got talking to a girl on Seeking Arrangements who was a single Mum with a young child who ran her own cleaning business. For some reason which I can't remember we never got round to meeting. Then I had a relationship for a while so let things lie. When the relationship broke up, I needed a cleaner so I asked this girl if she would like to clean my flat three hours a week. She came and had a look and God did I fancy her. She was also into very kinky stuff from our correspondence on SA.

Cutting a long story short, she did end up cleaning the flat for several months and we exchanged a lot of naughty texts. I used to leave butt plugs and lube on my bed and she would describe what she was doing with them and how many times she came while using them. Anyway the travelling to my flat got a bit much and she decided she would have to pack it in.

A few months later she texted me and said did I fancy a session as she had a babysitter organised. Anyway, either she lost her nerve or the babysitter cancelled but the lust remains unrequited, though she does occasionally text me. My present cleaner I couldn't in a million years........

I may to this day be the only person who found a cleaner on Seeking Arrangements?

[scutty brown]

............................I may to this day be the only person who found a cleaner on Seeking Arrangements?

plenty of scrubbers on SA

[bhudda]

Anyway the travelling to my flat got a bit much and she decided she would have to pack it in.

More likely she got tired of waiting for you to shag her ... talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth

[willie loman]

 i met my cleaner in a sauna, she would clean the flat then we would have a quickie,paid her for both,  she still cleans the flat, but wont shag, she never had any real interest in sex, or not with me at any rate.

[Home Alone]

i met my cleaner in a sauna, she would clean the flat then we would have a quickie,paid her for both,  she still cleans the flat, but wont shag, she never had any real interest in sex, or not with me at any rate.

She must be married, then! 

[Natwest]

More likely she got tired of waiting for you to shag her ... talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth

Are you trying to get your posting quota up?

[bhudda]

Are you trying to get your posting quota up?

do you really think I need to?

[hungrypunt]

. Anyway the travelling to my flat got a bit much and she decided she would have to pack it in.

A few months later she texted me and said did I fancy a session as she had a babysitter organised. Anyway, either she lost her nerve or the babysitter cancelled but the lust remains unrequited,

Both of these scentences hint to me that posssibly you found a girl who was hoping you'd offer pay her to start an arrangement/sex but she was too shy to ask outright...no pay ...no play

[Keema]

My Polish cleaner is fit af, wears tight shorts in the summer that shows off her bum, she also has gorgeous perky tits.  When she's on holiday I get further wanking opportunities when she posts skimpy bikini photos from poolside on Facebook.

Sorry - just wanted to boast.

[AllenTheMan]

Sounds like an easy way to get a slap in the face and need to look for a new cleaner IMO!

I do worry that sometimes punters seem to indulge this mindset that any woman can be purchased if you flash enough cash. It’s highly worrying and can lead to all sorts of mental problems in future.

[winkywanky]

My Polish cleaner is fit af, wears tight shorts in the summer that shows off her bum, she also has gorgeous perky tits.  When she's on holiday I get further wanking opportunities when she posts skimpy bikini photos from poolside on Facebook.

Sorry - just wanted to boast.

It's not a boast unless you get to fuck her 

[scutty brown]

My Polish cleaner is fit af, wears tight shorts in the summer that shows off her bum, she also has gorgeous perky tits.  When she's on holiday I get further wanking opportunities when she posts skimpy bikini photos from poolside on Facebook.

Sorry - just wanted to boast.

We'll only believe you when you post the photos...

[Home Alone]

We'll only begin to believe you when you post the photos...

I'm more of a sceptic than scutty is!! 😉

[hungrypunt]

Sounds like an easy way to get a slap in the face and need to look for a new cleaner IMO!

I do worry that sometimes punters seem to indulge this mindset that any woman can be purchased if you flash enough cash. It’s highly worrying and can lead to all sorts of mental problems in future.

Hes not saying hes fucked her or asked to, hes just saying give him soem wan bank material.

My cleaners a big hairy ugly bloke.

ME

[AllenTheMan]

Could be worse. My cleaners a big ugly hairy woman. My wife!

[nothiingtodeclare]

haha this made me chuckle my cleaner is a 72 year old who does a bit of cleaning to top up her pension.

[ManOFSteel]

This thread should be deleted imo. Any solicitating of your cleaner would be abuse of power, not to mention sexual harrasment. What if the poor hag felt that she could loose her job if your advances were spurned thus took your money out of percieved compulsion?

This is Harvey Weinstein territory.

[daviemac]

This thread should be deleted imo. Any solicitating of your cleaner would be abuse of power, not to mention sexual harrasment. What if the poor hag felt that she could loose her job if your advances were spurned thus took your money out of percieved compulsion?

This is Harvey Weinstein territory.

The thread is 2 months old, it was on page 4 FFS  and you are the numpty who's revived it, brought it back to the top of the board and to everyone's attention again. Why??? just to whinge and complain about it. 

Never mind Weinstein, you are in 'castle wall' territory.   

[Kev40ish]

This thread should be deleted imo. Any solicitating of your cleaner would be abuse of power, not to mention sexual harrasment. What if the poor hag felt that she could loose her job if your advances were spurned thus took your money out of percieved compulsion?

This is Harvey Weinstein territory.

I don’t know what to say... this thread had disappeared until some fucking twat resurrected it..

[Marmalade]

I don’t know what to say... this thread had disappeared until some fucking twat resurrected it..

Horrific. Why on earth do people keep posting? 

Time for a clean-up surely. What does everyone think?
(One line answers only please, preferably humourous – be quick!)

[RAJEC]

Horrific. Why on earth do people keep posting? 

Time for a clean-up surely. What does everyone think?
(One line answers only please, preferably humourous – be quick!)

Agree. Or we could just sweep it under the carpet?

[Dashing]

Agree that UKP needs to get its house in order.

[Marmalade]

Agree that UKP needs to get its house in order.

There could be an explosion any minute and we'll need a new thread to watch the dust settle...

[Kev40ish]

I’m sure the right decision will be maid..

[Kev40ish]

My Eastern European cleaner used to take ages hovering my house...

Turns out she was Slovak

[Marmalade]

Is your o/h a dirty slag? Help is at hand!

Hidden Image/Members Only

[Marmalade]

Many p4ps don't hire a cleaner either -- their phones just gather all the dust!

[Fuzzyduck]

Agree. Or we could just sweep it under the carpet?

No no, just hoover it up and it'll be gone in a flash.

[daviemac]

Horrific. Why on earth do people keep posting? 

Time for a clean-up surely. What does everyone think?
(One line answers only please, preferably humourous – be quick!)

We've got to keep posting or it creates a vacuum.   

[RAJEC]

This thread now looks like a job for mr muscle...

[Kev40ish]

I used to get my cleaner to dress up as a nun, I loved to cum all over her..

Yes I know a dirty habit..

[Badboyrich]

Suck it up buttercup.

[Marmalade]

---

A recent scientific study reveals that women have cleaner minds than men.
This, scientists say is basically due to the fact that they change them every fucking 10 seconds or so.

---

I bought a Buddhist vacuum cleaner.
It's free of all attachments.

---

a cleaner knocks on the door of a hotel room; after waiting awhile an Asian man answers the door. Cleaner says "Hey mate, where's ur bin?" The man replies "I bin on the loo" the cleaner says "no, where's ur dust bin" to which he replies "I dust bin on the loo" cleaner gets a bit annoyed "NO, where's ur wheelie bin" Asian man says "ok, I wheelie bin having a wank"

---

I went into a pharmacy and asked “what gets rid of Coronavirus?”
The assistant replied “ammonia cleaner” I said “I’m sorry, I thought you worked here”

---

Salesman to Essex customer: "Ma'am, this vacuum cleaner is so great it will cut all your work by half!"
Woman: "That's fantastic! Give me two."

---

The mods have decided to clean up this thread.

Any cunts that have never posted a review have to suck his dick.

[tynetunnel]

Marmalade is polishing some old gags there! 

[Marmalade]

Marmalade is polishing some old gags there! 

Yeah. Before anybody else. Apologies to anyone who’s sucked the mod’s knob, we’ve heard it many times. Thanks for keeping the smeg  off.   

[scutty brown]

I've got a cleaner called Henry. If I use his vacuum pipe does it make me gay?

[jeanphillipe]

I've got a cleaner called Henry. If I use his vacuum pipe does it make me gay?

Rename to Henrietta,

Dont forget to do a review in the Transsexual section.

[sparkus]

We've had this discussion on here before a few years back, Zack trying to pluck up the courage to pop the question.

There's ads galore for naked cleaners on the web, probably safest option?

Of course, it's the west where sexually harassing anyone could land you in hot water, in many countries the head of the house demanding sexual favours from domestic staff is par for the course sadly. I read in China you can actually stipulate to an agency that you want this extra service thrown in consensually.

[hungrypunt]

My cleaner gives me wanks regularly, no bother.
Cant get a blow job tho for love no money, I just cant bend that far

[Horizontal pleasures]

Me: I want to be a mirror cleaner when I grow up

Mum: why’s that?

Me: It’s something I can see myself doing

Mum: ...

[scutty brown]

External Link/Members Only

[sparkus]

External Link/Members Only

"understandable consequence" indeed.  It's a line of work where grey areas are going to be probed to death (cue Winky Wanky wisecrack...)

The first time I heard of naked cleaners was almost 15 years ago in some East London arty freesheet and as I recall it was badged in a kind of semi-respectable 'burlesque' type cutesy thing for 'empowered women' to do as lucrative non-penetrative sex work

[Blackpool Rock]

"understandable consequence" indeed.  It's a line of work where grey areas are going to be probed to death (cue Winky Wanky wisecrack...)

The first time I heard of naked cleaners was almost 15 years ago in some East London arty freesheet and as I recall it was badged in a kind of semi-respectable 'burlesque' type cutesy thing for 'empowered women' to do as lucrative non-penetrative sex work

Old news, Eurotrash had the Romeo Cleaners 25 years ago 



Hidden Image/Members Only