Constipation. what is the longest you have not been?

[Metalgear2018]

Mine is 4 days right now. I have been drinking prune juice and eating bananas but no stool movement.

Shats the longest period you have been constipated?

[Beamer]

Mine is 4 days right now. I have been drinking prune juice and eating bananas but no stool movement.

Shats the longest period you have been constipated?

Not wanting to start a false trail, but this is highly dangerous.  You need more than a bit of fruit.
Phone 111(unfortunately not the easiest to contact) if you can't talk to your GP.
Or go and talk to a pharmacist. 

[Metalgear2018]

Not wanting to start a false trail, but this is highly dangerous.  You need more than a bit of fruit.
Phone 111(unfortunately not the easiest to contact) if you can't talk to your GP.
Or go and talk to a pharmacist. 

Not only have I drunk prune juice and taken sena herbal relief. I went for a 10k run to try and get my belly moving. but nothing has happened.

[GingerNuts]

Not only have I drunk prune juice and taken sena herbal relief. I went for a 10k run to try and get my belly moving. but nothing has happened.

Then you need to seek medical advice/attention.

[daviemac]

Not only have I drunk prune juice and taken sena herbal relief. I went for a 10k run to try and get my belly moving. but nothing has happened.

Let me think for a minute, where is the best place for reliable medical advice, oh, I know a punting forum, what do these doctor / pharmacist people know anyway.   

[Doc Holliday]

Shats the longest period you have been constipated?

That's a great typo 

[tynetunnel]

That's a great typo 

Nobody panic, the forum Doc is here 

[suttonporksword]

I took medication years ago that blocked up the pipes but as soon as I drank prune juice everything went  back to normal. I would seek medical advice

[Beamer]

Let me think for a minute, where is the best place for reliable medical advice, oh, I know a punting forum, what do these doctor / pharmacist people know anyway.   

Brilliant  !

[Adoniron]

I read an article a few weeks ago that lockdown had affected a lot of people's bowel habits, something to do with not being as active as we are normally. However if you haven't been after 4 days despite going for a run you should ring the doctor.

[winkywanky]

Shats the longest period you have been constipated?

Sorry, I did have to laugh 

[winkywanky]

Shit, Doc beat me to it  .

Oh, I did it again! 

[winkywanky]

Senna tablets normally work for me.

Just about my biggest fear is getting constipated, it scares me to death. I've had operations where I've refused to take pain relief like Co-Codamol afterwards because it always does so to me. I'd rather be in pain.

OP, definitely seek medical advice. Phone 111 as others have said.

[scutty brown]

last time I had four days constipation, on the fifth day my appendix burst

[Blackpool Rock]

Another question is how often do you normally go so is this unusual 
For most people not going will probably be down to diet with not enough fibre but if you're normally fairly regular and haven't changed your diet etc then it obviously could be something more serious.

Personally I go every day about 30 minutes - 1 hour after I get up in the morning but I also eat 7 or 8 pieces of fruit a day.

NB - Prune juice will obviously make you go but unripe bananas which are still green can constipate you, they need to be ripe.

You could just eat more things which make you shit such as various fruit or a curry, beer can also be good especially some traditional ale brewed in Burton upon Trent.
I'm led to believe some people can't stop shitting after drinking Marsdons Pedigree, apparently there is something in the river Trent water which basically acts like Epsom Salts and goes straight through you. Modern day H&S means they actually have to remove these impurities before brewing but for certain beers like Pedigree they put them back in afterwards   

[whiskyfan]

Well this thread should confirm who's full of shit.

[winkywanky]

 

[MilleMiglia]

Try several double espressos, although this assumes that you don't have any cardiac problems.

[NIK]

Mine is 4 days right now. I have been drinking prune juice and eating bananas but no stool movement.

Shats the longest period you have been constipated?

 4 days! Fucking hell! 
Mine is about 4 hours!
Seriously, I can’t recall going a day in my adult life without one, or often more, good shits.
I can’t conceive of 4 days without. What on earth does it feel like?

[scutty brown]

Drink three or four pints of still perry (pear cider) most off licences sell it in bag-in-the-box cartons
contains a natural laxative
also hot drinks (tea, coffer, chocolate, horlicks, bovril) cause a natural gut voiding reflex
finally, hot bath lots of soap, try to get a lot of soapy water up inside your ringpiece where it'll soften the hard and dried concrete turds causig the blockage. It'll mean poking your fingers up your ass

[Moby Dick]

Have a wank.
Works a treat, regular as clockwork

[Metalgear2018]

Thanks guys for your suggestions and support. I will contact my gp tomorrow.

I have been told I should get a foot stool to help my posture on the toilet.

[maxxblue]

Thanks guys for your suggestions and support. I will contact my gp tomorrow.

I have been told I should get a foot stool to help my posture on the toilet.

You've probably already got one up your ass. 

[bhudda]

Thanks guys for your suggestions and support. I will contact my gp tomorrow.

I have been told I should get a foot stool to help my posture on the toilet.

A squatting position, which is the position used by probably a majority of the worlds population, is more natural i suspect.

[David1970]

Watch constipation it can cause serious problems, I was stationed abroad and everyone else got the runs but me, I got constipation for a few weeks. When I finally did shit it was so hard I ripped a anal fissure i was in agony , I need an operation. Phone NHS 24 if I was you.

[threechilliman]

You've probably already got one up your ass. 

Exactly what I thought It may well rival the huge turd I encountered one morning when I visited the gents, staring at me from the pan with the turtles head well clear of the surface. I elected to use trap 2.....

[Moby Dick]

Exactly what I thought It may well rival the huge turd I encountered one morning when I visited the gents, staring at me from the pan with the turtles head well clear of the surface. I elected to use trap 2.....

Just as well it wasn’t a WG loo.
Very off putting, you wanna flush it away, break it’s back and smother it in bog roll in case she thinks it’s yours.
Shit Happens 

[Davey Dykes]

Always been regular but for some reason maybe 15-20 years ago I never went for around a solid day. Why I can't remember, maybe fucking around with substances or something.

So anyway, the day after I had gut cramps like fuck and settled myself on the chamber. I could tell I was brewing an arsesplitter so was terrified to let it go and gingerly let it work itself out slowly.I was sweating, shaking and having my ringpiece ripped to shreads by the girth of it, I don't mind telling you I shed quite a few tears before it was over. I can only assume it was a mild form of childbirth and I take my hat off to the ladies going through that.

So eventually it passes and once I've managed to compose myself and dab my throbbing arsehole I manage to flush it away. Only I doesn't, I'm still faced with something that looks like the famous photo of Nessie breaching the surface.
I ended up having to break the cunts back with a bogbrush before it would wash away.


Hidden Image/Members Only

[B4bcock]

I'm led to believe some people can't stop shitting after drinking Marsdons Pedigree, apparently there is something in the river Trent water which basically acts like Epsom Salts and goes straight through you. Modern day H&S means they actually have to remove these impurities before brewing but for certain beers like Pedigree they put them back in afterwards 

I remember back in the '70's a session on Pedigree would often leave you with red blotches on your face next day - a condition we called 'Pedigree poisoning'.

[Ahalfa Carling]

I remember back in the '70's a session on Pedigree would often leave you with red blotches on your face next day - a condition we called 'Pedigree poisoning'.

Wasn't there something similar with one of the beers from one of the breweries down in London (cannot remember which one it was, but I think it was one of the large ones back in the '70's) , as mentioned by the band Squeeze in the song "Cool for Cats"
the relevant verse is

To change the mood a little I've been posing down the pub
On seeing my reflection, I'm looking slightly rough
I fancy this, I fancy that, I wanna be so flash
I give a little muscle and I spend a little cash
But all I get is bitter and a nasty little rash
And by the time I'm sober I've forgotten what I've had
And everybody tells me that it's cool to be a cat
Cool for cats (cool for cats)

[threechilliman]

Just as well it wasn’t a WG loo.
Very off putting, you wanna flush it away, break it’s back and smother it in bog roll in case she thinks it’s yours.
Shit Happens 

My first thought was 'I wonder if anyone got hurt?' There was no way on earth I was going to try and shift that fucker. Must be 30 year ago and I still remember it.

[B4bcock]

Wasn't there something similar with one of the beers from one of the breweries down in London (cannot remember which one it was, but I think it was one of the large ones back in the '70's) , as mentioned by the band Squeeze in the song "Cool for Cats"
the relevant verse is

To change the mood a little I've been posing down the pub
On seeing my reflection, I'm looking slightly rough
I fancy this, I fancy that, I wanna be so flash
I give a little muscle and I spend a little cash
But all I get is bitter and a nasty little rash
And by the time I'm sober I've forgotten what I've had
And everybody tells me that it's cool to be a cat
Cool for cats (cool for cats)

I always presumed the "nasty lttle rash" came from a dodgy punt.   

[whiskyfan]

Exactly what I thought It may well rival the huge turd I encountered one morning when I visited the gents, staring at me from the pan with the turtles head well clear of the surface. I elected to use trap 2.....

Something like this...

Hidden Image/Members Only

[threechilliman]

Something like this...

Hidden Image/Members Only

About right.

[winkywanky]

4 days! Fucking hell! 
Mine is about 4 hours!
Seriously, I can’t recall going a day in my adult life without one, or often more, good shits.
I can’t conceive of 4 days without. What on earth does it feel like?

You heard it here folks, Nik is full of shit 

#walkedintothatone

[mr.bluesky]

Always been regular but for some reason maybe 15-20 years ago I never went for around a solid day. Why I can't remember, maybe fucking around with substances or something.

So anyway, the day after I had gut cramps like fuck and settled myself on the chamber. I could tell I was brewing an arsesplitter so was terrified to let it go and gingerly let it work itself out slowly.I was sweating, shaking and having my ringpiece ripped to shreads by the girth of it, I don't mind telling you I shed quite a few tears before it was over. I can only assume it was a mild form of childbirth and I take my hat off to the ladies going through that.

So eventually it passes and once I've managed to compose myself and dab my throbbing arsehole I manage to flush it away. Only I doesn't, I'm still faced with something that looks like the famous photo of Nessie breaching the surface.
I ended up having to break the cunts back with a bogbrush before it would wash away.


Hidden Image/Members Only

 Too much information. I'm never gonna be able to see a picture of nessie without thinking of this. 

[Squire Haggard]

A hot curry might do the trick. Phone 111 or check the NHS website.....

External Link/Members Only

[winkywanky]

A hot curry might do the trick. Phone 111 or check the NHS website.....

External Link/Members Only

I had no idea you could get a vindaloo off the NHS, that's amazing  .

I guess if you got a note from your doctor that would do the trick, especially if his name were Patel.

[Squire Haggard]

I had no idea you could get a vindaloo off the NHS, that's amazing  .

I guess if you got a note from your doctor that would do the trick, especially if his name were Patel.

It does read like that. My bad.

A hot curry might be as good a cure as anything else.

[winkywanky]

It does read like that. My bad.

A hot curry might be as good a cure as anything else.

No worries, you set 'em up, I'll knock 'em out 

[jeanphillipe]

Well this thread should confirm who's full of shit.

BRILLIANT

[Thephoenix]

External Link/Members Only

I suppose you could try a more direct approach.

[B4bcock]

Any movement yet, OP?      Have you got to the bottom of it?

[Davey Dykes]

Sounds to me like he's shit out of luck.

[Chorley]

Warm orange juice mixed with Exlax is your friend. 
You'll be shitting through the eye of a needle while you lie in the foetal position crying and calling for your mum.

Thank me later. 

[scutty brown]

this subject creates a good excuse to link to the world famous "Picolax Thread"

read and laugh - or read and cry, depending on the state of your arse. The thread gets better as the story progesses

External Link/Members Only

[winkywanky]

 

I've had to take Picolax (there's a new snowflakey name for it now which eludes me) a few times over the years.

It causes diarrhoea of Biblical proportions in order to clean out your bowel so that an endoscope can get crystal clear pictures. The last endoscopy I had, I was watching on the TV monitor in the room and the surgeon took great delight in going all the way round my large bowel, past the appendix (I waved as we went past) and actually through into the last part of the small bowel (that smarted a bit as we broke through the sphincter). Sadly no sign of Raquel Welch up my arse, but a fantastic journey, nevertheless 

[winkywanky]

For a next-morning procedure, you basically have to drink about two pints of salty, evil-tasting gloop about 2hrs apart, starting around 6pm the day before.

By midnight you're actually shitting clear water, it's a most curious sensation  .

But you're gagging as you drink the stuff, it's appalling and very hard to keep from retching it back up  .

[whiskyfan]

For a next-morning procedure, you basically have to drink about two pints of salty, evil-tasting gloop about 2hrs apart, starting around 6pm the day before.

By midnight you're actually shitting clear water, it's a most curious sensation  .

But you're gagging as you drink the stuff, it's appalling and very hard to keep from retching it back up  .

Bukkake party?

[winkywanky]

I couldn't possibly comment...