Stupidest thing you have ever done punting?

[newpunter9871]

As like most of you I am bored in lock down so I thought I would share this story with you all with the hope you might share some of your best moments. 

A couple of years ago one of the girls who had been on my hot list for ages was in my local punting area of south London.

Called and answered straightaway and she sounded so very sexy my blood was already moving to my backup brain. We agreed all the details and she gives me the hotel details in Croydon. So I drive over and park up i my usual place and call, answered straightway and gave me the room number - so far so good!  No waiting around, this was going perfectly 

I have been to this hotel loads as its a very popular choice for SP's in the area so walk through reception to the lift and to the room. I knock gently on the door - no answer.  I wait try again - still no answer. 

Walk back to the lift and call her - she confirms she is waiting in the room so I go back and give a proper knock on the door...  The door answers and of obviously a bait and switch  as she is not the woman I saw on AW! The woman asks if she can help me? Then I realise the outfit, the hoover in her hand the trolley in the hallway  - yep its the hotel cleaner!  Made some BS about looking for my mate and rushed away.

Called the SP and yes I was in the wrong hotel! Drive over to the other end of Croydon to find an all boys school open day in the reception area of the hotel!

Managed to get through to the lifts and have one of the best punts I have ever had with one of the sexist women I have ever seen - so a happy ending! 

So I have shared my embarrassing moment - what are yours?

I did search for previous threads on this subject but the only one I found was 4+ years ago.

[robsmith149]

Booked a Romanian.

[drillaaaa]

Booked a Romanian.

 



Not walking when i've been baited and switched on.. Two different occasions it's happened, both times left fuming

[Kelgon85]

Belched really loud when she was giving me a BJ. Didn't actually mean it. It was one of those ones that just slipped out, but it was loud. She laughed.

[pythondan]

Accidently headbutted a girl when moving up for a snog after RO on her. Not sure exactly how it happened but think she had raised her head up and I was expecting it to be flat on the pillow.

There was a almighty bump followed by blood from a nosebleed. I got some tissues and helped her clean up. At this stage I was mortified and would have been ok to end the punt there and then but she was a game girl and carried on after a few minutes to recover.

[threechilliman]

Accidently headbutted a girl when moving up for a snog after RO on her. Not sure exactly how it happened but think she had raised her head up and I was expecting it to be flat on the pillow.

There was a almighty bump followed by blood from a nosebleed. I got some tissues and helped her clean up. At this stage I was mortified and would have been ok to end the punt there and then but she was a game girl and carried on after a few minutes to recover.

Similar. I headbutted a girl flush on the nose during a round of CG that got a bit enthusiastic. No blood fortunately and after a minute or so to regain her composure, she cracked on with the job.

[BarneyBubbles]

Stupidest thing I ever did was drunkenly pick up a streetwalker in my home town (I know...idiot!) and get a taxi back to hers.  On the journey she drops a few comments about her boyfriend who's a bit of a 'gangster'.  10 minutes in, I'm naked on the bed and theres a banging on the door and in comes the bf shouting he's going to kill us both. I've never got dressed so quickly!  Out the door past him and down the stairs into the street, convinced he's right behind me with a machete!  Of course the whole thing was a set up but I'm still glad I didn't stick around to check.  What an idiot!!

[BarneyBubbles]

And on a lighter note and more in line with Kelgon's belching post, I was once shagging a girl in a Soho walkup when my nose suddenly started running like a tap...straight onto her face!  I was mortified but she thought it was really funny and pointed out she'd had worse things all over her face!

[socks]

Similar. I headbutted a girl flush on the nose during a round of CG that got a bit enthusiastic. No blood fortunately and after a minute or so to regain her composure, she cracked on with the job.

I headbutted a girl too, this sounds like it could be a common occurrence! Forehead to forehead though and we laughed it off. Didn't affect things as I was cumming balls deep doggy style inside her, within 5 minutes and I visited many times after!

[Shadow314]

I headbutted a girl too, this sounds like it could be a common occurrence! Forehead to forehead though and we laughed it off. Didn't affect things as I was cumming balls deep doggy style inside her, within 5 minutes and I visited many times after!

Have done that too.  Must be an occupational hazard as a WG!

[alftupper]

I haven't head butted a wg, but i managed to hit one in the face with my elbow whilst undressing. Unfortunately she bit the inside of her mouth when I caught her, so no more frenach kissing and owo was off the menu.

[getsbettereverytime]

Yep as per the OP have booked a regular gone to our usual hotel, knocked on the door’ nothing then phoned her to confirm room number knocked again and was in the wrong hotel what a dummy.

Stupidest thing probably was a late nite punt in Leeds with some EE bird in fancy new apartment block and on exiting the building I ended up going out the wrong door and found myself stuck on a first floor court yard sort of thing and the door I came through closed shut ! I thought I was stuck there at 2am for the night what an idiot.

[MrDizzy]

I've done too many to mention.

Such as pouring scalding hot coffee over myself on the way to a punt which resulted in me making bizarre and involuntary hissing noises every time the SP touched or brushed the now tender area, making her look at me strangely.

Like the OP, I turned up at the wrong address and when the front door was opened by a very elderly woman with no teeth and a group of her equally wrinkled friends sitting in the room behind her staring at me, thinking this was an extreme case of b&s I took a step backwards and fell down the short flight of steps that led up to the door and crashed into a set of bins at the bottom and sprawled into their upturned contents.

Upon using some mouthwash in an SP's bathroom, I dropped the bottle cap on the floor and upon bending down to pick it up succeeded in nutting the edge of the sink (not in the good way of 'nutting') giving myself a nosebleed and causing me to violently gob the mouthwash all over my bell end which stung like a bastard. The noise I was making made the SP open the bathroom door and she was treated to the sight of me hopping from one foot to the other, one hand clutched to my face but still managing to flick blood all over her walls whilst desperately trying to rinse my cock under the cold water tap.

On one occasion an SP had 5 Live Sport playing on the radio in the background during our meet. As things progressed I realised that the footie game that the commentary was about involved my team. Despite my enjoyment of the SP's skills I couldn't help but get more involved in the match and when she was riding me RCG, my lot scored. I inadvertently let rip with a "YESSSSS!!!!" - at the same time she angrily muttered "Oh for fucks sake, no!". Everything came to a halt as we eyed each other suspiciously. Fortunately hilarity ensued. Not necessarily stupid, but a little embarrassing.

[GreyDave]

   Walked in to door stubbed toe went black and is now yellow wont repair itself Dr said its an age thing toes of an old man.

When it happened I collapsed in bathroom in so much pain WG thought I was having a heart attack ...fast forward few years in fact a few months ago and after mixing pills on a Soho day I thought I mght be having an attck for real ...scary

[unclepokey]

The silliest thing I have not done was not to check the location of a totally lovely indie who I'd been seeing for a couple of years.. I had a period of not seeing her  and when I next did (all normal protocols observed) she wasn't at her 'normal' location. But she'd never told me she'd moved. I think it was rather her fault. But these days I always ask - "are you when last I saw you?"

(When I turned up at the wrong address the then occupier clearly had no idea of the previous occupant's occupation. Even less of knowledge of Diane  -  Yes, Diane of Bushey FFS!)

Since then I always check
Uncle Pokey

[willie loman]

When I started this activity , was royally ripped off , more than once, but it was in paris, since then its all been ok, should have walked once back in Scotland, but its actually no more prone to mishap than eating out, I reckon golf is more dangerous.

[sparkus]

Saw a back to back WG who had cum all over the bedclothes, sure enough got an STI from the encounter.

[misterm]

When I started this activity , was royally ripped off , more than once, but it was in paris, since then its all been ok, should have walked once back in Scotland, but its actually no more prone to mishap than eating out, I reckon golf is more dangerous.

Who honestly hasn’t been ripped off, I’ve been ok for last few years but went through a phase of enjoying the odd overnight and being too trusting (one did flit when I was in shower, one went for a fag never to be seen again, both were pre me joining and are long gone)

[Liverpool]

On one occasion an SP had 5 Live Sport playing on the radio in the background during our meet. As things progressed I realised that the footie game that the commentary was about involved my team. Despite my enjoyment of the SP's skills I couldn't help but get more involved in the match and when she was riding me RCG, my lot scored. I inadvertently let rip with a "YESSSSS!!!!" - at the same time she angrily muttered "Oh for fucks sake, no!". Everything came to a halt as we eyed each other suspiciously. Fortunately hilarity ensued. Not necessarily stupid, but a little embarrassing.

And then you woke up and realised you aren't Kevin Whateley in 'Auf Wiedersehn, Pet'?  (YouTube it).

Other than punting with some right munters and once breaking my ankle leaving a Soho walkup, can't think of anything too stupid.

[sparkus]

Who honestly hasn’t been ripped off, I’ve been ok for last few years but went through a phase of enjoying the odd overnight and being too trusting (one did flit when I was in shower, one went for a fag never to be seen again, both were pre me joining and are long gone)

Once went to a Rom's place steaming drunk and she managed to keep me talking for 30 mins without a single bit of action.  By about 28 mins I tried to slip my hand down her pants and she just said "I don't think so".

I've punted drunk a few times, which does sound stupid, but I've always been able to perform (one WG said afterwards she was amazed I could drill away hard considering I staggered in).

Once found some Poles in different flats right next to me on AW, went round and gave them seeing tos.  In hindsight could also be considered stupid.

[Kool Keef]

Ended up getting cramp in my leg whilst on the job with a Polish brass, tried to style it out at first until the pain was too much & I had to stop & roll off her.
 Didn't really wanna explain what had happened to her cos of the language barrier  & the fact she'd been a bit of a moody cow during the punt so I basically just winced in pain & let out a few strange noises as I moved around on the bed & gingerly stretched my leg hoping the pain would kindly fuck off.

[John Johnson]

In The Jockey Club in Dubai (mistake number 1) I realised that almost all the women were African (mistake number 2) I was approached by a pretty one with a push-up bra and grapefruit tits who pretty much bullied me into taking her back to the hotel (mistake number 3)

She then spent the next hour telling me how terrible her life was, how she loved Our Lord Jesus Christ, phoned her son in Nigeria, told me more of her terrible life (mistake number 4 was not kicking her out) then finally she decided we had to do the nasty. She stood up, took her top and bra off and her tits collapsed like spaniel's ears, fucking Pop-Tart Tits. I could have put them in a toaster. (mistake number 5 was again not kicking her out at this point)

From then on it was blow job refused (not Christian) and wanted me to bareback her because I was such a nice guy (no fucking way, Jose)

What a fucking disaster, it took me another two hours to get rid of the creature.

[GreyDave]

Saw a back to back WG who had cum all over the bedclothes, sure enough got an STI from the encounter.

Ashamed now to admit to it in the late 70`s I barebacked many a Soho girl ..In fact 2 I regulary saw almost insisted on it a Big Maltesse lady just down from the windmill and a Newcaslte Lass in Chinatown again big tits .... I was in my teens it was fantasic 

[sparkus]

In The Jockey Club in Dubai (mistake number 1) I realised that almost all the women were African (mistake number 2) I was approached by a pretty one with a push-up bra and grapefruit tits who pretty much bullied me into taking her back to the hotel (mistake number 3)

She then spent the next hour telling me how terrible her life was, how she loved Our Lord Jesus Christ, phoned her son in Nigeria, told me more of her terrible life (mistake number 4 was not kicking her out) then finally she decided we had to do the nasty. She stood up, took her top and bra off and her tits collapsed like spaniel's ears, fucking Pop-Tart Tits. I could have put them in a toaster. (mistake number 5 was again not kicking her out at this point)

From then on it was blow job refused (not Christian) and wanted me to bareback her because I was such a nice guy (no fucking way, Jose)

What a fucking disaster, it took me another two hours to get rid of the creature.

Quality story! Most on here would have ended up in the same boat probably.

[user1437]

Booked a Romanian.

I see your post and I'll raise you a "Booked an ugly Romanian and actually went through it"

Couple of years ago, biggest case of blue balls ever on a date where I walked her home, went to hers, spent some time, to then learn she was on her period and didn't want to do anything. Went on adultwork on the way home, frantically looking for anyone who may be available. It was around 1:00 AM so the choice is obviously thin. This unremarkable looking girl answers and fuck I just went. She opened the door in pajamas, clearly smelling like she was in bed. I still went through. It was as expected probably the worst punt I've ever had. Zero excitement, she was barely letting anything happen, wasn't even hot, and gave me OW for about 10 seconds tops

Fucking hell. Like at least the bad Romanian experiences I had were with absolute babes so I could  "console" myself with "she was very hot though". But this?

[Jerk Chicken]

This one is not so much stupidity per se but on reflection it amounts to the same thing.

Booked a girl who was whoring from a newly built complex with gated entry.

On arrival I realised the pics were like 10-15 years out of date, bags under eyes, saggy boobs, gut the lot. The only nice thing about my arrival was she was in a pucker apartment.

Back then I was not as tactful with my disappointment and I think I even uttered the words "I just can't do this" my eyes looking at her gut as she tries to persuade me to stay.

On exit got to the gate and it requires a code to let you out! Called the SP several times and she cut my call each time clearly knows why I was calling. Popped a text asking for the code. Ignored. Bitch.  I was stuck in this courtyard for around 20 minutes until another resident was coming in and rescued me.

Back in my car I thought you plonker if perhaps you was a bit nicer about it or made up some excuse like wallet in car you would not have wasted 20 minutes which meant I also missed out on my plan B!

[paulitor23]

In the early days, booked a total fatass munter who had somehow gotten away with fake photos on her profile and had a ton of good feedback.

Was horrified when I arrived at her hotel and must have looked like I just opened a pair of socks for Christmas, but stayed anyway for a cringey blowjob because I'd walked 15mins from Wembley Park.

Ended the booking mercifully early, took her copy of Heat magazine and moped home feeling like I'd been noshed off by Peter Kay. 

[Keema]

Being lured into a SoHo clip-joint in the late 80s They advertised strippers, which is what I wanted, and the places used to have strippers, a few years earlier.  Girls wanted to sell me a half pint of non-alcoholic lager for £80, that would buy me their company. The girls started shouting, can we have a show, so I settled down, until a burly bouncer arrived and demanded I pay up.

I gave what I could but finally got out on a promise to get more from the cash machine but had to hand over £80, they wanted £120, I bolted for the tube and ended up at Waterloo, convinced I was still being chased.

So yes not quite a punting mistake, but they were selling sex under grubby pretences so I'm calling it. I promised myself that I would super glue their locks early one morning - even though they'll be legit now, I might still will!

[Rick2468]

I decided to shave my face just a couple of minutes before a WG was due to arrive for an outcall. Ended up cutting myself and it was bleeding for about 10 minutes to had to keep the WG waiting while it stopped. I had literally been sitting on my sofa for an hour waiting for her to arrive then suddenly I was franticly rushing about desperate for it to stop. Was all flustered but calmed down and had a good punt.

Also once went to pub before seeing Angelina Jade who I had really wanted to see. Drank too much (I was drinking loads around that time). Was able to perform but don't remember much about the punt.

[newpunter9871]

Thanks for the replies - some funny stories there.  I now know I am more likely to bash my head  than catch a STI  when punting.

I have booked a British (according AW) Romanian actually was not a bad put. Guess I got lucky.

Still never walked away from a meeting with someone that was nothing like the profile  , after about 5 minutes I always realise it was a big mistake and curse myself for not working.

Had the bait and switch done on me - the replacement was a lot hotter than the original and included more services for the price so I stayed - was a great punt. Still left the profile negative feedback hahahaha

Not all punts end well - had some awful ones in the past but by doing the research they are now very rare.

I have to tell you one more true story - how I found out about AW many years ago. Always worked in tech so I often get asked to fix computers for people. My neighbours wife asked me to fix there computer as it was very slow (and full of viruses etc). Her husband was at work and I am sitting there running the normal software packages to clean the drive and it was going through the browser history as the wife brings me a drink. Its scrolling through porn then a massive list of AW pages which she sees and comments on. I just said I have no idea what it is, which was true at the time. I am sure it was her husband as when I got home I checked out the site and looked for her without any luck. Never had the bottle to ask him about it.

[Plan R]

I once asked a WG mid punt if she had a toy and she got one out.
I stuck it up her bum for a good 30 seconds - before she said it wasn't for there... Woops ! 
Further etiquette lessons called for

[winkywanky]

30s means she was probably quite liking it 

[Plan R]

Probably. Also it was a gentle remark rather than immediately hitting the ceiling   

[Home Alone]

Special thanks to MrDizzy - for your last paragraph in particular! If she must have a radio on in the room, tune it to something like Heart or Smooth for goodness sake! - and Plan R. They really were lol moments for me!

The nearest I've got to anything really stupid was to overestimate my map-reading skills and arrive 15/20 mins late for a 1-hr appointment. The SP, already distinctly not happy with me - when arranging the punt, I'd let it be known that I was on the cusp of exceeding her upper 'clients' upper age limit' - was glacial for the 40/45 minutes we had together.

[Hobbit]

Stupidest thing I ever did was.................Started punting.

[threechilliman]

Stupidest thing I ever did was.................Started punting.

I nearly posted the same yesterday!

[FLYING BLUE]

1) Left my Airline ID and airport parking permit on full display in my car window once in Newcastle for the duration of the punt

2) Went for a post punt shower in Ukraine hotel leaving WG to make her own way out of the room. Money and ID etc were in my room safe but the stupid bitch stole my Uniform jacket and cap for some fucking reason leaving me very red faced next morning at breakfast.

3) Didn't do my homework properly in Kuala Lumpur and ended up groping around with a 'WG' in my hotel room, only to discover the proverbial 'meat & 2 veg' down below - fortunately, I discovered my mistake very soon on in the meeting & the HE/SHE was ejected from my room post haste.

[winkywanky]

1) Left my Airline ID and airport parking permit on full display in my car window once in Newcastle for the duration of the punt

2) Went for a post punt shower in Ukraine hotel leaving WG to make her own way out of the room. Money and ID etc were in my room safe but the stupid bitch stole my Uniform jacket and cap for some fucking reason leaving me very red faced next morning at breakfast.

3) Didn't do my homework properly in Kuala Lumpur and ended up groping around with a 'WG' in my hotel room, only to discover the proverbial 'meat & 2 veg' down below - fortunately, I discovered my mistake very soon on in the meeting & the HE/SHE was ejected from my room post haste.

2) Surely you must have checked her online profile since then, to find her brazenly wearing your jacket and cap with nothing on underneath. Hopefully the pic is low enough res. for your name tag not to be visible   

3) FFS, that never, ever happens to me, some guys have all the luck    .

[Moby Dick]

The prize during lockdown must go to Kyle Walker.

Allowing prostitutes to take photos is fucking stupid.
Just shows you can’t trust whores, what happened to discretion.

[Hobbit]

The prize during lockdown must go to Kyle Walker.

Allowing prostitutes to take photos is fucking stupid.
Just shows you can’t trust whores, what happened to discretion.

And the irony is that the Whore had the cheek to say that Kyle should have been on lockdown and social distancing. So why isn't she not doing that also? She sounded like a complete money grabbing slut.

[ShadowProclamation]

I was facing an SP, chatting to her. At the same time I took off my shirt and slung it to one side. However, I didn't notice a hidden candle burning in a container, where the shirt landed. Suddenly she realized and swiftly removed the shirt. It must have been seconds from igniting. I apologized, but was completely oblivious to it. Imagine if that had escalated into a larger fire  If nothing else, I would have had to walk out, with a seriously singed shirt. Not at all suspicious looking. As the situation was nipped in the bud, there was a follow up booking. There was no candle there this time and I slung my shirt on the floor instead 

[Keema]

Girl in famous Edinburgh Sauna: what do you like doing?
Me: Cycling, gardening, listening to music.

[freeze44]

Early on in my punting career, not planning when to take a shit caused a few difficult moments! 

Must be the adrenaline or something, but once had to take a shit whilst pretending to be in the shower and prayed it was a quick one with a clean break but it wasn't!  Don't know if the wg noticed but kinda took the edge of things for me!

Now I make sure going for a poo part of my pre punt prep! 

[Bogof60]

Wrong Hotel Yup

Wrong Door Yup

But having to fart when walking to the WG's place and of course the inevitable happened.
Thankfully didn't get as far as my undercrackers and a bit of a clean up in her bathroom using some bog roll and lots of water did the trick before festivities were started.

Don't know what I would have done if I had shitted my pants 

[hornyguylondon]

Girl in famous Edinburgh Sauna: what do you like doing?
Me: Cycling, gardening, listening to music.

The innocence of youth 

I'm sure she put you right 

[Jerk Chicken]

Early on in my punting career, not planning when to take a shit caused a few difficult moments! 

Must be the adrenaline or something, but once had to take a shit whilst pretending to be in the shower and prayed it was a quick one with a clean break but it wasn't!  Don't know if the wg noticed but kinda took the edge of things for me!

Now I make sure going for a poo part of my pre punt prep! 

Wetting myself 

[lewisjones23]

Early on in my punting career, not planning when to take a shit caused a few difficult moments! 

Must be the adrenaline or something, but once had to take a shit whilst pretending to be in the shower and prayed it was a quick one with a clean break but it wasn't!  Don't know if the wg noticed but kinda took the edge of things for me!

Now I make sure going for a poo part of my pre punt prep! 

Many a time I had to dive in to the McDonalds near the Prestwich Sandys ... 💩

[Ahalfa Carling]

Many years ago (about 20) I was enjoying an assisted jacuzzi at a parlour. Now, I was enjoying the company of the lady so much that I had forgotten she had lit a load of tea-lights and placed them along the edge of the jacuzzi - my (at the time) long curly hair caught in one of the naked flames and I ended up with a burnt patch.

Had to get it cut off/styled at the local hairdresser's before I got home making a £60 punt a total spend of £100.

[freeze44]

Many a time I had to dive in to the McDonalds near the Prestwich Sandys ... 💩

I've always got a beady eye when I see fellas dashing into the bogs in such places....hang on that sounds wrong! 

4 star hotels my dump of choice 

[Kool Keef]

Many a time I had to dive in to the McDonalds near the Prestwich Sandys ... 💩

I go in there now for a pre punt piss before a booking at Indigo Nile