The Joke Thread

[catweazle]

Milk Hucknall is in trouble with the police for allegedly shagging a rabbit. A police spokesperson said:" He was holding back the ears, and singing ' bunny's too tight to mention' "

[WARSZAWA16]

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[WARSZAWA16]

It's been 1 year, 12 days, 9 hours, 42 minutes and 10 seconds since the doctor cured my OCD.

[standardpostage]

It's been 1 year, 12 days, 9 hours, 42 minutes and 10 seconds since the doctor cured my OCD.

[timsussex]

It's been 1 year, 12 days, 9 hours, 42 minutes and 10 seconds since the doctor cured my OCD.

no its 11 seconds
no its 12
no 13
14 ....

[WARSZAWA16]

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[timsussex]

Last night I went out dressed as a chicken and met up with a girl who was dressed as an egg.

The life long question was answered shortly afterwards.

It was the chicken. 

[Davey Dykes]

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[WARSZAWA16]

The King's shoe makers have had their sign taken down by the police.
Apparently, 'Cobblers to the King' isn't acceptable.

[WARSZAWA16]

What's the difference between a set of bagpipes and an onion?
Nobody cries when you cut up bagpipes.

[mr.bluesky]

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[WASA38]

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Am guessing you don't bother reading the Politics thread.
 

[mr.bluesky]

Am guessing you don't bother reading the Politics thread.
 

Nah,  no interest to me 

[JontyR]

It's been 1 year, 12 days, 9 hours, 42 minutes and 10 seconds since the doctor cured my OCD.

I've got CDO. It's like OCD but the letters are in the right order.

[badsin]

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[Steve2]

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[mr.bluesky]

I've got CDO. It's like OCD but the letters are in the right order.

I've got DCO and dyslexia

[Steve2]

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[WARSZAWA16]

I said "no comment" all the way through my interview at the police station.
I didn't get the job.

[Jonestown]

I’ve opened a workshop to make small statues, it’s a niche market.

[timsussex]

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as if you were running eight miles.

Who the hell can run eight miles in 30 seconds?

[mr.bluesky]

A young camel goes up to his father and says
" dad why do we have a hump ?"
his Dad replies " so we can store water when we make long treks cross the desert"
A few minutes later the son asks
" Dad why do we have such strange hooves ? "
His father replies  "so our body weight is spread when we walk across the desert sand"
A few minutes later the son asks
" Dad why do we have such big eye lashes ? "
His Dad replies " to help keep the sand out of our eyes when we cross the desert"
A few minutes later the son asks
" Dad if we have a hump to store water, hooves to help us walk on sand and eylashes to keep the sand out of our eyes then why  the fuck are we in London zoo  "

[WARSZAWA16]

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[WARSZAWA16]

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[sadolddeejay]

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground. He went from barking to tooting in less than an hour.