Virus things that made me giggle.

[badsin]

A sad business report mentions the loss of a few local businesses as a result of COVID-19:
A local bra manufacturer has gone bust, a submarine company has gone under, a manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, and a company supplying paper for origami enthusiasts has folded. A local strip club has gone tits up, Inter-flora is pruning its business and Dyno-rod has gone down the drain. The saddest one though is the ice-cream van man found dead covered in nuts and raspberry sauce. He couldn't take it any more and topped himself

[Doc Holliday]

A sad business report mentions the loss of a few local businesses as a result of COVID-19:
A local bra manufacturer has gone bust, a submarine company has gone under, a manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, and a company supplying paper for origami enthusiasts has folded. A local strip club has gone tits up, Inter-flora is pruning its business and Dyno-rod has gone down the drain. The saddest one though is the ice-cream van man found dead covered in nuts and raspberry sauce. He couldn't take it any more and topped himself

Excellent 

[winkywanky]

 

[Thephoenix]

A sad business report mentions the loss of a few local businesses as a result of COVID-19:
A local bra manufacturer has gone bust, a submarine company has gone under, a manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, and a company supplying paper for origami enthusiasts has folded. A local strip club has gone tits up, Inter-flora is pruning its business and Dyno-rod has gone down the drain. The saddest one though is the ice-cream van man found dead covered in nuts and raspberry sauce. He couldn't take it any more and topped himself

Best one yet

[Xtro]

Have you noticed how Men and women are dying from the Coronavirus in greater numbers than all the other genders combined?

Only 35 more claps until Christmas.

The UK has allowed the re-opening of massage parlours. Their special this week is an "Unhappy Ending".

Thank goodness the coronavirus struck now and not twenty years ago. You would have been under quarantine lockdown with a Nokia 3310, 200 texts and 100 minutes calling time and, before I forget, the internet was dial up speed back then.

Oh shit! I think I've got Coronavirus! Does anyone know if it makes your dick turn orange?
I don't know how the fuck I caught it!
All I've done during lockdown is lay in bed eating Wotsits and binge-watching pornhub.

Listen guys.... If your partner is going to leave you, try and make it so she leaves the house at 8PM on a Thursday with her cases packed so it looks as though all the street hates her as well.

I Can't believe how long it has taken the government to finally acknowledge the facts of this Coronavirus crisis.
I knew as far back as January Richard Branson was a cunt.

[Thephoenix]

 
Brilliant.... Keep them coming

[Rochelle]

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[Bogof60]

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Now that made me 

[stampjones]

Felt like having a giggle, so reading through all the jokes again and laughing at yours, I realised I'd skipped through quite quickly and missed the Kenny Dalglish Hillsborough 'joke'

Sorry mate, but I really thought after all these years, people had decided this maybe wasn't a suitable subject for jokes, particularly when members on here might have been personally involved with the disaster..

I've stewed over whether to post this for a while, but I'll explain why I'm disappointed and offended.

I haven't lived in Liverpool for nearly 60 years, but always been a fan from standing in the kop when they were only in the 2nd division. My brother had 2 season tickets back in 1989, and obtained 2 tickets for the Leppings Lane end.
Because of work commitments, he was unable to go, so he gave one of the tickets to me.
As it transpired, my wife became very I'll,  and so I was also unable to go.

I gave my ticket to a neighbour who was going, and told him to just sell it at face value outside the ground, which he did.
To this day, I don't know who bought the ticket,  or what happened to him on that day in the Lepping Lane stands

Whatever happened, it could have been my brother or myself there that day, had fate not intervened, and it's not easy for me to forget that..

Sorry for the rant, but I hope you understand.

Huh? You realise this thread is a thread of jokes about covid 19 which has killed more than 20,000 people in this country alone so far but you’re getting your knickers in a twist over a joke about an incident that killed 96? And then you say keep the jokes coming? A bit hypocritical, no? What you’re basically saying is dont make jokes about stuff you dont think is appropriate. Everything is allowed or nothing is allowed (to slightly misquote harry bosch). If you dont like sick jokes dont read the thread

[mh]

Huh? You realise this thread is a thread of jokes about covid 19 which has killed more than 20,000 people in this country alone so far but you’re getting your knickers in a twist over a joke about an incident that killed 96? And then you say keep the jokes coming? A bit hypocritical, no? What you’re basically saying is dont make jokes about stuff you dont think is appropriate. Everything is allowed or nothing is allowed (to slightly misquote harry bosch). If you dont like sick jokes dont read the thread

I agree that no topic should be out of bounds for comedy but it wasn't even a joke, let alone a funny one. It was just a dig at people killed in a different mass tragedy with no link to the current situation either through the person named in the joke or the circumstances of it. So, not a joke and hurtful to someone who had a slight link to the original tragedy. I can live without it!

[Xtro]

I agree that no topic should be out of bounds for comedy but it wasn't even a joke, let alone a funny one. It was just a dig at people killed in a different mass tragedy with no link to the current situation either through the person named in the joke or the circumstances of it. So, not a joke and hurtful to someone who had a slight link to the original tragedy. I can live without it!

Totally agree, hence the apology mostly for my ignorance. I was fooled to understand the joke in my own terms.
I posted it in this thread "Virus things that made me giggle." because I thought Kenny Dalglish was a hot head, possibly running at boiling point or something. So for his temp to "drop" meant he must be ill.

[mh]

Totally agree, hence the apology mostly for my ignorance. I was fooled to understand the joke in my own terms.
I posted it in this thread "Virus things that made me giggle." because I thought Kenny Dalglish was a hot head, possibly running at boiling point or something. So for his temp to "drop" meant he must be ill.

Fair play to you for explaining why you posted it here. It can only have been someone with a hatred for Dalglish/Liverpool who originated it. Possibly a Man U fan, for example, but I'm sure there'll be a similar one linking to the Munich air disaster somewhere by someone with antipathy towards Man U.
 

[Beamer]

Fair play to you for explaining why you posted it here. It can only have been someone with a hatred for Dalglish/Liverpool who originated it. Possibly a Man U fan, for example, but I'm sure there'll be a similar one linking to the Munich air disaster somewhere by someone with antipathy towards Man U.
 

For anyone to use both these tragedies as part of a joke is simply wrong.
To even try and defend their actions shows them to be the lowest form of life. Hence the bigger action is as above from xtro.

[Xtro]

For anyone to use both these tragedies as part of a joke is simply wrong.
To even try and defend their actions shows them to be the lowest form of life. Hence the bigger action is as above from xtro.

You're welcome.   

[Thephoenix]

Huh? You realise this thread is a thread of jokes about covid 19 which has killed more than 20,000 people in this country alone so far but you’re getting your knickers in a twist over a joke about an incident that killed 96? And then you say keep the jokes coming? A bit hypocritical, no? What you’re basically saying is dont make jokes about stuff you dont think is appropriate. Everything is allowed or nothing is allowed (to slightly misquote harry bosch). If you dont like sick jokes dont read the thread

Maybe everything's allowed. That's not up to me to decide.

I'm also allowed to be offended and express my view.

The member who posted the  'joke' is also allowed to reflect on my reaction,  and allowed to apologise.

You're allowed to post more Hillsborough jokes if you so wish, knowing that I will personally be offended for the reasons I gave.

[Beamer]

Maybe everything's allowed. That's not up to me to decide.

I'm also allowed to be offended and express my view.

The member who posted the  'joke' is also allowed to reflect on my reaction,  and allowed to apologise.

You're allowed to post more Hillsborough jokes if you so wish, knowing that I will personally be offended for the reasons I gave.

As will most punters

[Thephoenix]

Fair play to you for explaining why you posted it here. It can only have been someone with a hatred for Dalglish/Liverpool who originated it. Possibly a Man U fan, for example, but I'm sure there'll be a similar one linking to the Munich air disaster somewhere by someone with antipathy towards Man U.
 

I think in these troubled times good humour helps to lighten the mood and keep our spirits high.

I believe that's mainly the motive folk who've posted jokes have,  whereas the motive for the. 'jokes' and chants between rival Liverpool/Manchester United (so called) supporters is simply to offend their rivals by referring to terrible events.

It's indefensible.... I hate it, and can't understand it.

I was 17 at the time of Munich, crazy about football, keen Liverpool fan since being old enough to go in the boy's pen.

There's always been rivalry, but not the mindless vitriol that came later.

Doesn't matter who you supported at the time, the. 'Busby Babes'  were admired by anyone that simply loved football.
I was devastated when I saw the crash on TV.

I then lived away from UK for quite some time, then on returning years later I noticed how some cretins had introduced these horrible and inane chants purposely to cause offence with a view to somehow  'get one over' their rivals.

Don't understand the minds of these people.

[Beamer]

I think in these troubled times good humour helps to lighten the mood and keep our spirits high.

I believe that's mainly the motive folk who've posted jokes have,  whereas the motive for the. 'jokes' and chants between rival Liverpool/Manchester United (so called) supporters is simply to offend their rivals by referring to terrible events.

It's indefensible.... I hate it, and can't understand it.

I was 17 at the time of Munich, crazy about football, keen Liverpool fan since being old enough to go in the boy's pen.

There's always been rivalry, but not the mindless vitriol that came later.

Doesn't matter who you supported at the time, the. 'Busby Babes'  were admired by anyone that simply loved football.
I was devastated when I saw the crash on TV.

I then lived away from UK for quite some time, then on returning years later I noticed how some cretins had introduced these horrible and inane chants purposely to cause offence with a view to somehow  'get one over' their rivals.

Don't understand the minds of these people.

Good summation.
Munich is one of those events that I remember exactly where I was when It happened.

[Herts_Outcaller]

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[bhudda]

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if she's self isolating, does the article explain where she's getting it from?

[Xtro]

"This is the moment of maximum risk." says PM Boris Johnson as he returns to work. 

Only 12 more shopping days till Christmas.  Thank you lockdown.

I hear Ken Barlow has caught the virus....The show will now be called coronanation street.

Chuck Norris has tested positive for COVID-19. The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks!! *

*More Chuck Norris jokes here - External Link/Members Only

[winkywanky]

if she's self isolating, does the article explain where she's getting it from?

Says she's a mum of two, hopefully she's not a single mum and recruiting the services of her 16yr-old twin boys 

[paper7]

Says she's a mum of two, hopefully she's not a single mum and recruiting the services of her 16yr-old twin boys 

God, I hope not, it doesn't bear thinking about.  Just a minute, I want to be sick!

[bhudda]

Well im not sure if there is a standard size for smoothies but i suspect her husband alone would struggle to fill a glass every day. Whereas iirc when i was 16 i could fill a glass every hour or two

[Avg_Joe]

Remember to save your wank until 8pm on a Thursday so it sounds like your street is cheering you on.

saw that somewhere and it made me laugh

[winkywanky]

Just so long as you don't let them see what you think they're cheering   

[Lovewomen]

This explains everything 

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[Rabbit63]

Brilliant.... Keep them coming

... said the Madam to the new girl after her first punter

[Avg_Joe]

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[Avg_Joe]

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[Avg_Joe]

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[Avg_Joe]

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[Avg_Joe]

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[Avg_Joe]

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[Avg_Joe]

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[Avg_Joe]

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[Avg_Joe]

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[Xtro]

Government confirms 400,000 Turkish gowns are useless for NHS  - It looks like we've been mis sold PPE!

Nicola Sturgeon COVID-19 Briefing.....
Nicola: The first question is from Jimmy.
Jimmy: In hospital when COVID patients deteriorate, where do they send them?
Nicola: ICU Jimmy.

I hope the pubs open soon, I need to cut down on my drinking.

Security is strict and petty theft at the London Nightingale hospital will be harshly dealt with.
Hospital head of security said, "We wont tolerate any Crimea".

[Thephoenix]

👏👏👏👏👏👏

[Tdydl]

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[winkywanky]

Government confirms 400,000 Turkish gowns are useless for NHS  - It looks like we've been mis sold PPE!

Nicola Sturgeon COVID-19 Briefing.....
Nicola: The first question is from Jimmy.
Jimmy: In hospital when COVID patients deteriorate, where do they send them?
Nicola: ICU Jimmy.

I hope the pubs open soon, I need to cut down on my drinking.

Security is strict and petty theft at the London Nightingale hospital will be harshly dealt with.
Hospital head of security said, "We wont tolerate any Crimea".

    

[Rochelle]

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[Avg_Joe]

omg that's nasty

[Rochelle]

omg that's nasty

I think it's bloody hilarious.

[Avg_Joe]

I think it's bloody hilarious.

it won't be when she bends over to get something from the lower shelf.... there's a mental image for ya 

[winkywanky]

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I'm assuming it's in Walmart?

It's always in Walmart  .

Give it a few years and it'll be like that in Aldi and Lidl in the UK, it ain't far off that now, truth be told  .

[Corus Boy]

I'm assuming it's in Walmart?

It's always in Walmart  .

Give it a few years and it'll be like that in Aldi and Lidl in the UK, it ain't far off that now, truth be told  .

Have you visited People of Walmart?

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[Rochelle]

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[winkywanky]

 

[kuck]

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