I'll start with the link, because I need a few moments to collect my thoughts:
External Link/Members Only£60 30 mins. Swindon City Centre (usual flats).
Initial Contact: Nice and simple phone-call. Betty was slightly short and gruff on the phone, but easily arranged at very short notice.
Arrival: Usual door shenanigans. Once inside I gave Betty a quick appraisal. She was wearing a T-Shirt and Jeans - more on this later - and her boobs looked big enough through her top - not KK but big enough. Pretty(ish), plump (not fat/ obese) and short; age closer to 35 than advertised 25. Whilst my initial gut reaction was 'meh,' at £60 quid for a quick pop she was worth a go, so I handed over the cash. I popped to the loo before heading into the bedroom.
The Action: By the time I'd unlaced a single boot she was starkers. Not a great body, and her boobs, now unleashed, were somewhere between overused udders and pancakes - hence the casual T-Shirt and Jeans, where she cut a finer figure and could prevent punters from walking. I quickly decided to opt for nothing more than a hand job, as the idea of penetration left me feeling a little queasy.
Onto the bed and she started to stroke my chap. I got around 75% hard (with great difficulty) and reflected that I should probably just leave. I wasn't turned on. She wasn't attractive. She wasn't fun.
But I thought fuck it, lets see how bad this can get - at least you guys on here could have a laugh out of my 60 quid.
So...
I asked for a massage "I don't do massage, I'm no good..." Fine then.
She asked if Im sure I don't want sex, I replied "Yes, I'm sure." She lay on her back. I stood up and looked at her lying on the bed, feeling confused. She smiled at me and said "I knew you'd change your mind." I smiled politely, repeating that I didn't want sex. Joining me in my confusion she demanded, "You just said you were sure you wanted it!" FFS she's clearly retarded.
I laid back down on my back and rubbed myself off. Just as I'm about to pop (eyes closed thinking of porn stars) she firmly reprimands me in anticipation of the mess I'm about to make: "Don't get it on the bed! I have to sleep in it tonight." My eyes burst open at the harshness of her tone, only to find her cupping my balls with one hand and texting with the other.
I still came - in a tissue (like a good boy) then quickly left for home to scrub and delouse myself.
If you have ever wondered what it would feel like to be sexually entwined with a soon to be retired dairy cow crossed with Skyler White then go ahead; otherwise:
TLDR: AVOID!
