Comms: Text sent asking who was working, got no reply so phoned to be told she was trying to reply (probably my shit punting phone so not her fault), but said Lauren was available. Remembered reading reviews of Lauren here, including one where she offered FS to a regular, couldn’t remember reading any description of her so thought what the hell, must be alright if people return and want to bone her. Agreed 30 mins for £30, knowing HE would likely be another £20.
Location: Zen Massage Upminster. Well reviewed here and venue not exactly hidden. Near Upminster Bridge station. Parking round the back blocked by lorries so chanced my arm with a free 30 min ticket in a side street, popped a blue pill and in I went.
Girl: Debated whether to be polite and just say I wasn’t attracted to the girl, but, had I read other reviews that made clear she is a dumpy little thing, Chinese, pear-shaped and made to look all the more so by her small tits, and topped off with a flat face that even the subdued lighting couldn’t flatter, I would’ve saved my hard-earned. English not bad, but not great either, though I didn’t bother making small talk.
Meet: Entry from the street set some bells jangling, and with the desk unmanned, I was greeted with a hello from the hallway. Eager to see what lay in store, I rounded the corner to be greeted by the girl described above, wearing a frumpy blue dress. Immediately wasn’t attracted to her, but thought (a) maybe this isn’t Lauren, and (b) even if it was, if the least I walked away with was a decent half hour massage which eased my aching bones, then it wouldn’t be a total loss.
Handed over £40 in a perfunctory room which was quite cold, with massage table and she said she would bring me £10 change. Got butt nekkid and lay on the table face down, but sneaked a peek at who brought me my change, and was disappointed to find that it was indeed Lauren.
Early signs were good re the massage as she worked on problem areas on my back, but it wasn’t markedly better than a massage from a regular WG or a civvy. She hopped up on the bed and sat on my ass/thighs at one point, setting the bed creaking under our combined bulk. Back, arms, butt, legs and even all five of my little piggies on each foot attended to, she said “you want happy ending for £20?”. Too polite to decline, I agreed, though I had serious doubts as to whether it was going to be happy for me. Told me to stay on my front as she reached under and groped at my flaccid junk, which was doing a very good job of ignoring the Viagra. Flipped over eventually and it was only the warm oil she slathered on my dick that turned me from a no-shower to a grower.
Now, again, I don’t want to be unkind, especially if she has fans... but, this girl was not attractive. I need to be at least visually stimulated to cum, and/or be able to touch, so I asked her if I could, thinking maybe a gander or a grope at a tit - however unappealing they looked - would help me on my way. She said “touch where” and I nodded at her chest area, to which she laughed dismissively and said “no, I touch you”. And so she did, working her chubby little hands on my oiled dick, before indicating that I could after all touch her thigh/hip area. Didn’t really want to, but plonked my hand there out of politeness also. From this point, I had to seriously concentrate and channel memories from the annals of my mental wank bank, imagining those chubby fingers were the corrugated inside of the pussy of a civvy MILF I fucked long ago. Every time I would build up a head of steam, she would change grip and my mental efforts had to be redoubled. Eventually, as the sap rose, she almost spoiled that by persistently tapping on my nipple like she was sending morse code for “h-u-r-r-y u-p y-o-u c-n-u-t” in Mandarin. It was only thanks to that corrugated pussy that I was able to get my £20 worth, and, from there, she quickly wiped the oil off me with the paper from the massage table. I got dressed quickly, said my thanks and goodbyes, before stumbling through the beaded curtains and out the back door into the sanctity of the alleyway, bleary eyed from the Viagra and transition from darkness into light, vowing never to take a lucky dip on a FBSM with HE again. I’ll stick with Joanna & D from now on; they’ll send pics of who’s working if you ask nicely.
Some may think a negative is harsh, as I got a massage and a wank, but I didn’t enjoy it, and I won’t be back.
