Warning: this is a report of an enounter with a transexual escort. Do a U-turn if that's not your thing. External Link/Members OnlyOr her rival profile – both are seriously misleading.
External Link/Members OnlyThis might provide a laugh for those punters who are are outraged when a girl they presumed to be a biological female turns out to be a post-op tranny. It can happen the other way too, because I've just seen an escort whose profile led me to believe she was pre-op – with a "nine-inch surprise" – and she turned out to have had the chop.
Let's get the profile wording out of the way first. On her Monica Horny page she is a "lovely doll / active / passive / pst ."
On her Monica Dominant page the wording is:
"* big surprise 4 U .
* 9 Inches / pst .
* Always horny & ready 4 good time .
* Top & Bottom."
Those sneaky little letters "pst.", which I had not even noticed, are supposed to tell you that she has got rid of her cock. So how the fuckery fuck is she also active with a big surprise of 9 inches then? Read on to discover the laughable truth. You really cannot take anything for granted... though I'm pretty sure that if I had asked her about being top and active she would have found a way to dodge the truth. I would have walked if I'd known when I got there, but the truth did not come out until we'd been naked on the bed for more than 10 minutes. Her service was negative in most other respects too.
The reason I saw her among all the other Latin TS girls in London is that she turned up in my own manor in south London. Though I'd seen her profile before in the usual Bayswater or Edgware Road haunts and thought she looked hot, having her only ten minutes walk away was a big attraction because it opened up the possibility of an after-midnight shag. I was out of the country when I first noticed the new address but when I got back yesterday she was still around... it was her last night here, she said.
She sounded sane and friendly on the phone and spoke good English, so we agreed on her advertised rate of £120 for an hour. The low price for a TS should have sounded an alarm bell but she was asking for £150 at the start of the week so I presumed her phone was dusty from being so far out of town.
I started writing this in a fit of righteous indignation as soon as I got back from seeing her in a midnight punt. She was working in the top-floor flat in a building I've been in before to see a female Brazilian. Other than her face, which is actually rather beautiful and with a strong enough resemblance to the girl in her glossy profile shots to convince me that this was not a bait-and-switch, she looks like a different woman. She has huge back and hip tattoos which are not there in most of the profile images, so either the pics are very old or this girl I saw is the dumpy older sister of the one one on the internet. Difficult to estimate her age, but she's over 30 and her midriff is very stocky. Her volleyball boobs are the same as you can see (and she likes having them fondled) but they were horribly hard and as far removed from the feel of real boobs as you can imagine.
Kissing was lips only. She gave me a half-hearted massage then revealed her lack of a cock in a very calculated move. She offered anal play instead and produced her "nine and a half inch" dildo. It was about seven inches and rather thin. I've got a bigger one at home. What the hell. So I ended up on my back with my legs in the air and after a minute of working the dildo into my rear end she put a condom on my flaccid member (it always goes soft while I'm being shafted) and started sucking me at the same time. This was enjoyable and the suction was excellent... but there was no way I was getting hard with a shaft up my back passage. I explained this to her and she ended the anal treatment after six or seven minutes.
I suggested 69; she said no. She doesn't like being licked. After some more suction I ask for sex. She said over and over again that I was "very soft". At this stage, I really was not. She pretended to be trying to get my quite solid six inches into her man-made pussy which was, according to her, "very tight". I wouldn't know, because she was guiding my cock into her fist instead.
So no sex. She starts sucking me again (with a new condom – she doesn't do OWO) and, again, it's pretty good. I'm pumping into her mouth from below and she's taking it without protest. But I know I won't come from oral, especially with a rubber on, so I tell her this and get her take it off and wank me. She lies down with her volleyballs shoved into my face and gets to work. But then she gets bored, claims it's wearing out her wrist, and tells me to do it myself. Nothing like customer service, is there?
But I do it anyway because I want to come, and it takes only half a minute of my own expert touch before I splash a modest load over my belly. After handing me tissues to clean up she asks: "Are you going home now?" We're about 35 minutes in. No I'm not, I say, pointing out the time. She accepts this and suggests more massage. Suppose so. I don't really want to do anything else with her anyway. I tell her about a spot on my hip that's been a bit painful lately and she gets to work on it. She's obviously not trained but she's trying and it does help a bit. Then she gets bored again, and precisely 45 minutes after I walked in the door, she announces: "Time's up now." Like fuck it is, but I want to go anyway.
I didn't think there was anything to be gained by falling out with this girl on the spot, because the money was out of the room and I didn't rate my chances of a refund on the grounds that I had wanted a girl with a cock. As for all the other negatives, I just went with the flow. But I've reported her two dodgy profiles to Birchplace, so let's hope they take some action. I won't hold my breath, though...
