External Link/Members Only or
External Link/Members Only£60 for a half-hour of purgatory.
I think I've been relatively lucky in my punting career in that I've rarely picked an absolute horror. That all changed a couple of weeks ago. I thought I done all the research that could reasonably have been expected. I'd read all the reviews on here, and while there were a few things that made me think she wouldn't be 100% to my tastes (tats, mummy-tummy), things looked mostly positive. All I was after was a bloody decent blowjob and, having discounted Korey Kochiner because of her 20-questions approach, LadyRed seemed to be the next best option in Glasgow.
Things started OK. Comms were easy and a meeting was set up for late afternoon. I arrived at the hotel and she came down in the lift to meet me. It was at this point I should have bailed, but I always have a fear of walking just in case she's in one of those WG chat groups where they talk about punters and blacklist them (maybe that's only in the North East though...). My instant impression was that she was supremely unattractive; Big, overweight and manly looking with severely cropped hair. As we went up in the lift, I was telling myself it was only a blowjob and, at worst, I could close my eyes and fantasise. Oh, how we kid ourselves when we’ve got the horn.
We got to the room and she stated with light kissing, certainly not the promised DFK. We undressed each other and I lay on the bed to receive some of her 'legendary' oral. It was crap. Her technique consists of smothering your dick in saliva then pumping up and down on the head like a jack-hammer. With persuasion, she can be made to pay some attention to your balls but she has a weird technique of frantically licking at them like a thirsty dog drinking from a puddle. She tried the same technique on my bell-end; it was equally useless. I was having trouble staying hard so I thought I'd give fucking her a go. I elected to go for doggy so I wouldn't have to look at her bloke-face, but she insisted on turning around to give me, what I imagine she thinks is, a 'horny look', which just made me feel nauseous. I did consider (for 2 seconds) going down on her to pass the time, but she didn’t smell particularly fresh. We tried a couple of other positions, but none of them stirred my imagination. the major problem is she is too big and fat. Mummy tummy and size 12 my arse! If she's a size 12 I'm Twiggy's skinnier brother, and that mummy-tummy is a great big lump of flab. I eventually managed to shoot my load by closing my eyes and imagining I was fucking a work colleague I fancy. Unfortunately, I then had to open my eyes again and see my cock was inside a big manly heifer. I just noticed that, on her profile, she describes herself as ‘naturally curvy, in all the right places, with firm boobs’ that’s a right laugh; is the trade-descriptions act still in force?
I can't think of anything positive to take from this punt. I'm almost disappointed in my fellow UKP members for leading me astray
. OK, should have spotted the warning signs (Crap hotel, crap pictures, etc.), but I could never have imagined how shit it would be. I haven’t punted since as the memory of her man-face is still haunting me (It didn’t help that she looked a bit like a gay bloke I know).
So, big, fat, huge flabby tits, bad tattoos, bad sex, bad hotel. It'll be a while before I'm ready to get back in the saddle again, and it certainly won't be hers, even if I can keep the bit in her teeth to keep her facing the other way.
TLDR: She looks like a man FFS! Ugh
Topic: Lady_Red_x - Glasgow (Read 3264 times)
