Nigella - Godalming

[trumps]

External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

I know Nigella has been mentioned a few time on UKP:

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=10904.msg162457;topicseen#msg162457

..and features on best tits on AW thread:

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=8581.msg323524;topicseen#msg323524

So I visited her about a year ago. Very remote location in countryside in a converted barn / stable block and I think she either looks after or rents a small farm. She's a size 18 but in a nice shapely way rather than an obese 18 + BBW way if you get my drift, in other words her size kind of fits her well. First and foremost Nigella is NOT your regular prossie - she's a country girl, intelligent, independent and well, just very different to your normal prossie.

I have to confess that I very nearly marked this as a neutral for 2 reasons:

First, I arrived towards the end of her wrong time of the month, so whilst there was plenty of oral (covered if I remember correctly) and DFK, she was reluctant to have full intercourse for risk of causing a bloodbath. However the main reason for visiting her are to witness and play with those phenomenal mammaries (which I have to say are larger than the advertised size 'E' by an order of magnitude), so I wasn't actually that bothered about the fucking. When we did eventually get down to some action there was relief all round that the much feared massacre on the bed didn't materialise.

The second reason is that she is obviously is a larger lady, and the action took place on a single bed pushed into the corner of a room. That made it very difficult to move around, frolic and change positions which is kind of off-putting and takes away some of the spontaneity and kind of leaves you feeling a bit trapped in a certain position. So before booking I would check that she's upgraded to at least a double (preferably larger). 

So whilst I was originally intending to mark this as a NEUTRAL, I decided to upgrade to POSITIVE before I got to the end. My reason for changing is that if I were to see a neutral, then I probably wouldn't visit. This is actually slightly unfair to Nigella as she has to be experienced at least once (and not bad value at £70 per half hour) for those boobies alone. I also have to confess that she's still in my HL and there have been many occasions when I've thought about a return visit. At some point I probably will, and just writing this report has spiked my interest levels again.

So hope this helps somewhat to those thinking about her.

[Victor7522]

I visited towards the end of last year and would definitely rate as a neutral at best. Spent a long time chatting and helping her compose answers to an obvious arse who was texting her. Eventually got down to business and those tits are fantastic. However great tits alone do not make a good time. Everything was covered, the oral was perfunctory, no reverse oral as 'it does nothing for me'. Tried cowgirl but her hips/knees were giving her gyp so that was short lived. Her highlight was finishing me with her vibrator, but still covered.
She told me what she was going to spend my money on (something for her animals) and was very chatty. Total time ran well over the hour but not much action in the time. Shame really but I won't be returning.

[trumps]

I visited towards the end of last year and would definitely rate as a neutral at best.

Victor, I think that's tipped it for me and all of sudden those strange urges to revisit have dissipated away - I'll just have to confine the sight of those magnificent breasts to my memory and recharge by reference to her gallery. About to deleted from HL once and for all !

[trumps]

..and I meant to add that this is the undeniable beauty and benefit of this site - to help manage those extremely difficult dick vs brain decisions 

[Jim59]

I visited last September and didn't work for me. All she seemed keen was to use her vibrator which eventually brought me to a climax of sorts. No DFK and too much waffle about god knows what. A negative for me

[Hantsman2]

Yes, I visited her some little time ago now. The location is unique and very interesting but I wasn't there for an architect's tour. She talked for ever in bed . No kissing and the oral was very poor and for the first time in my life I didn't come. I left early but on good enough terms to phone her later and secure a return match at no charge but I didn't bother to return.

Everything is on her terms and the sex ( or lack of it) was poor. Perhaps I didn't turn her on but the sentiment of other post here is similar.

[advent2016]

for the OP
If you can't remember if the oral was covered, that usually means it was.  I can't find anything good about this provider. She might give a great massage, but I'd much rather spend 80 for massage, BBBJ/CIM and a fit body.

I'm glad  he enjoyed it.

[Hantsman2]

She didn't even give a good massage. My overwhelming memory was of time wasting through interesting chat on her farm, animals etc and the fact that she used her arms to keep up her massive by gravity drawn boobs.

Unless you like talking about rare breeds whilst in bed with a large lady in a quirky cottage I really wouldn't be bothered.

[joe.grundy]

I've also visited Nigella -twice. First time was my first punt for many years and as I hadn't had any action for quite a while, the use of a mains vibrator on my cock meant it was all over in record time. IIRC, I paid for 1/2 hour and we were all done in about 5 minutes. No attempt at round 2. Went back again  better prepared but only for 15 minutes but this time couldn't get it up and she made little or no effort. Nigella is a nice lady and if you met her down the pub you would end up having a pleasant evening chatting about every topic under the sun, but as an escort forget it.

PS. Haslemere would be a more accurate location.

[TheBoyRobbie]

She didn't even give a good massage. My overwhelming memory was of time wasting through interesting chat on her farm, animals etc and the fact that she used her arms to keep up her massive by gravity drawn boobs.

Unless you like talking about rare breeds whilst in bed with a large lady in a quirky cottage I really wouldn't be bothered.

PMSL!! That was exactly my experience as well!!

Insanely complicated arrangements, and somewhere very weird to park - muddy layby on a country lane; had no idea if it was OK to park there, or if I'd come back to a ticket and/or towaway by a tractor. But dick was ruling head, and from the pics I had this mental picture of fucking away for an hour with Nigella Lawson's slightly less-well-known sister.

Eventually went through some strange door-in-a-door arrangement to be met by a very "jolly" (yup - large!) woman dressed for all the world like she was going out to feed the pigs. Who the f**k, in any professional context (let alone this one?!) dresses in a shapeless, baggy woollen jumper and PJ bottoms. Looked for all the world like the love child of Dawn French and Les Dawson - not at all what we're very obviously meant to imagine from the AW photos.

So, from there a tour of the farm (which I didn't want, but didn't want to be too rude) into the ramshackle rundown cottage that appeared to house many more pets than people. No kissing, kept her pants on throughout (TBH I just wanted out at that point, so I could rescue my car, so that wasn't an issue as I'm not into 'fart and give us a clue' territory anyway!) no kissing, just one of those "I'm a bossy woman and everything is going to be on MY terms" sort of punts, that I'm sure we've all had from time to time.

"Finished" by what was apparently a "mains vibrator" - but for all I knew, it might have been a kitchen appliance because a) it had a plug and a lead, b) it was about as sexy as sticking your dick in a Kenwood Chef, and c) it bloody hurt.

So a no from me, definitely. Since the punt it's never even occurred to me that I might go back. £100 down the drain, but at least I got out alive without apparently contracting mad cow disease.... 

[Darkness]

Oh god, I remember vividly my visit to this lady as so many of the comments ring true - the poor dress sense, the ridiculously hard to find property in the woods that seriously makes you wonder if some demented cannibal family might be lurking there and luring you in, the total lack of interest from her in giving you a sensual experience including the dreaded vibro finish (glad that wasn't just me though, lol).  And yes, definitely out Haslemere way and not Godalming, unless she's very recently moved.

When I arrived she was not only dressed in something that your average farm girl might be in, but to do the paperwork she led me into the kitchen so she could start snacking on a cold garlic (?) sausage, or something instantly breath-killing.  About 15 minutes into the half hour she took me down to her bed, and spent the next 5 telling me about some 'old boy' who had gone down on her for ages the previous day to no evident benefit as, in her words, she has no feeling down there anyway.

And - absolutely true as I sit here - she'd no sooner made me hard then a shadow passed the window and she panicked, saying that either the gardener or the owner (I think she's the live-in farm hand or help?) must have come back and be outside.  Without any shame she demanded I hide beside the bed on the floor whilst she donned a dressing gown to investigate.  Sounds funny now, but at the time I was fuming (why I didn't just dress and go I do not know) but also worried this situation might escalate into something quite bad depending who it was.  Whoever did pass by evidently didn't bother us, luckily, and the car-crash that was this punt resumed.

Ironically the other thing I do recall, though not where it happened in this shambolic chronology, was her asking me what the worst punt I'd ever had was.  I was too polite/scared to be entirely truthful on that front 

Overall - shocking.  The photos and profile on AW make her sound great, and as a previous review says maybe she would be for a convivial drink in the local pub to stare at her tits, but as an escort - no way.  Amazed that some of you went back again for a second visit, but each to their own 

[Steve_jones14]

A few years ago I phoned her to make a booking. She asked what time, I hesitated for what must of been one second, then she shouted down the phone 'I can't be doing with hesitant men!' and put the phone down 

Sounds like I had a lucky escape.

[Hantsman2]

Sounds like I had a lucky escape.

You did!
All the above rings true
I had such a bad ( and shortened) experience once that I phoned afterwards to complain
She gave me a free hour which was even worse
I chuckle now at how awful the whole process was
For those of you missing the surreal humour of Ken Dodd it's worth a go. But for any other purpose just avoid .

[Ed R]

Snap.

You want:
Cider With Rosie

You'd settle for:
Tess of the D'Urbervilles

You get:
Cold Comfort Farm

Worst. Punt. Ever. (even worse than the very first one back in the day when you were too embarrassed about being on a bed with a strange naked woman to get it up enough to fuck and got a floppy handjob).

Woody Allen says somewhere that there's no such thing as the wrong kind of orgasm, and that every one he's ever had has been right on the money, but this was definitely the wrong kind of orgasm. The only thing about it was that the word "relief" really made sense.

The jumper and pyjama thing would have been fine if you were going to bounce on the bed or roll in the hay with an apple-cheeked countrywoman, but nothing could have been further from the truth.

Fuss about the dog, fuss about who might have seen you arriving, fuss about the gardener or whoever he is dampened the mood immediately. Being told to undress and not being offered a shower cos why would you only served to enhance the gloom.

And then she has no idea how to handle a cock. No idea that you might be there to enjoy it. No idea that sex might be fun and pleasurable. The tits are brought out like an old pair of shoes from a dusty cupboard and you're told to look at them. While I like tits and like to have them around, I don't want them put into my mouth as if I'm a baby.

And then the coup de grace, the strange mains-powered vibrator thing which is like some kind of kitchen appliance and is both terrifying and painful. Instant loss of any stiffy I had in the first place.

In the end I said I would do it (the phrase "for the love of Jehosophat just give me a nice wank" died on my lips) and was told "not to make a mess". And so proceeded to a terrible forced orgasm, worst I can remember.

Oddly, as other punters have found, the following conversation is fine, even entertaining.

But as a whole the experience is not one you'd wish on anybody; shame, cos the idea of a horny milf in a secluded cottage is one I'd like to pursue: pity about the reality.

[sancho.panza]

I shudder whenever I use the hand blender in the kitchen as it brings back memories of meeting Nigella. If it is the same one - which I suspect it is - it is certainly heavy duty! I just hope it gets put in some sheep dip every now and again.

[WhackDaddy]

Well she has not logged into AW since Nov 2017 maybe it's milking time down on the farm

[Stiltskin]

The tits are brought out like an old pair of shoes from a dusty cupboard and you're told to look at them. While I like tits and like to have them around, I don't want them put into my mouth as if I'm a baby.

I hate that, an instant passion killer.

[Derrick101]

All those that have seen her, yet not posted a review  Might have saved the OP a visit 

[Ed R]

All we wanted to do was forget . . .

[Champ4]

Might as well throw my 2 cents in as I’m new and she’s one of the few mentioned that ive seen.

I seen her about 2 years ago. Nothing new to add only I concur with everything already written. Location is lovely and the idea of a horny busty milf in a country cottage was too much to pass up. Sadly that’s when the fantasy ended.

She’s pleasant enough but obviously doing this just for 💵 of which she had a huge wad. For buying more sheep apparently. Doesn’t seem to enjoy it much. Insisted on using her vibrator for another minute in the hope I’d boff early and go. I managed to resist though and had a go on those huge knockers and sex in a couple of positions. Worth mentioning she struggled in cow girl as she’s pretty big and stiff.

She explained that she rents the cottage and runs the farm from the wealthy owners who aren’t there much.

[22mooRed22]

Might as well throw my 2 cents in as I’m new and she’s one of the few mentioned that ive seen.

I seen her about 2 years ago. Nothing new to add only I concur with everything already written. Location is lovely and the idea of a horny busty milf in a country cottage was too much to pass up. Sadly that’s when the fantasy ended.

She’s pleasant enough but obviously doing this just for 💵 of which she had a huge wad. For buying more sheep apparently. Doesn’t seem to enjoy it much. Insisted on using her vibrator for another minute in the hope I’d boff early and go. I managed to resist though and had a go on those huge knockers and sex in a couple of positions. Worth mentioning she struggled in cow girl as she’s pretty big and stiff.

She explained that she rents the cottage and runs the farm from the wealthy owners who aren’t there much.

My 1.5 cents.
When i was there, same thing. I rang the bell, the owner... a bloke... replied... "Yes..." like on The Munsters. I thought, what the f should I say to this GUY ?
I knew it could not be the wrong address. So here goes.....
I said like an idiot, "can I speak to Nigella". He says in a Transilvania upper class accent, "Sorry, there is no Nigela here.... but you may want to try the other door bell."

The Farm did have a feel onf Zombie Appocalypse about it, but having been in a small car accident on the way caused by me rushing to the punt... i figured... got to get one thing right today.
Again I was greated with that Horse Sized Dogs, Jumper and Handblender and yes it makes me laugh thinking back 3 years ago.
I did love those boobs but I was numb in 3mins from the Moulinex. I really didnt feel that comfortable, but she was a nice girl. I wish her well.

[22mooRed22]

And - absolutely true as I sit here - she'd no sooner made me hard then a shadow passed the window and she panicked, saying that either the gardener or the owner (I think she's the live-in farm hand or help?) must have come back and be outside.  Without any shame she demanded I hide beside the bed on the floor whilst she donned a dressing gown to investigate.  Sounds funny now, but at the time I was fuming (why I didn't just dress and go I do not know) but also worried this situation might escalate into something quite bad depending who it was.  Whoever did pass by evidently didn't bother us, luckily, and the car-crash that was this punt resumed.

lol. I can imagine how it was exactly having been there. l did feel a constant being caught with my pants down from the owner. Strangely, that added to the thrill.. but was over quickly.