GUM / STD Clinic

[Gigabyte]

Just thought I would post my experience of attending a GUM clinic (Genito-Urinary Medicine) for the first time in case anyone who hasn't been is interested in what to expect.

I thought it would be difficult to find a place initially and somewhere I had gotten the impression that you had to go private or pay to be seen (NHS do it for free). A quick google search for "gum clinic near (your town)" and I got a hit on an NHS hospital about 10 minutes from me. I rang up the number and an automated message told me to leave my name and number and they would get back to me. The message also went on about how they would not pass on any details to anyone including to my GP without my permission. So message left and within 30 minutes I got a call back and I arranged an appointment for 2 days hence. All surprisingly easy.

So I attended on the day, I went to reception and was told to fill out a form with some basic details, name age height weight and health and was told a number that would be used to call me to see the doctor/nurse (considerate really as most people would not want their name shouted out). So I went into the reception area half expecting to see a group of drugged out streetwalkers and blokes with dirty raincoats on. But it was clean and there was only 1 other person in there a normal looking girl, it was pretty empty for the 5-8 minutes I was there.

I was called into a room and saw a doctor who introduced herself, she asked me about why I had come to the clinic, then asked me about my recent sexual history and didn't even blink when I corrected her and said no it was 2 girls at once. I will admit to laying it on a bit thick as I have been told that if you don't the NHS look at you as low risk and won't necessarily do all the tests that they should. She then called in a male nurse to act as a chaperone (that was probably the only awkward bit as he didn't have anything to do but make sure that the doctor didn't do anything they shouldn't have done). She had a good look, there was nothing shoved down my dick which I was expecting from having read a previous post. I didn't even get a lecture on safe sex or anything tbh. At the end she sent me off to fill a small beaker with urine (mine obviously) and also gave me some free condoms which I felt a bit guilty about and a few leaflets. A couple of weeks later I got the results texted to me (or you can ring up). All clear if anyone is interested.

All in all I was just surprised at how easy and reasonable the whole process was. If this was a review of a girl it would be a definite positive even if there was no DFK!

[vorian]

Great post and valuable to punters, I must admit never had any problems at all with the GUM clinic. I think it is quite an efficient part of the NHS and I never get made to feel embarrassed. Imho always worth a visit every now and then if you are regularly punting, free and painless.   

[Gigabyte]

Thanks. I forgot to mention they also took a blood test and a swab (which the doc tried to make me deepthroat at least that's what it felt like).

[SirFrank]

Cheers mate. Helpful for lots on here. My experience was very similar to yours. They also didn't shove anything down my hogs eye. I'm pretty sure that's an urban myth. Did get swabbed. All clear thankfully

[Clicktocollect]

Forgive me father it has been 10 years since my last GUM visit 

I did have a swab pushed down my one eye though, I was asked to take a breath and hold it.  A bit of a shock but not painful.

Looks like things have moved on nowadays.

The reason I went 10 years ago was because I had seen a dirty blond girl in St Albans who spat up my arse and followed up with her tounge. The shower room after the event was disgusting and I felt unwell a day or two afterwards.

My results were negative (yay) and the doctor commented "so, she wasnt so dirty after all"

I might go just to have a routine checkup now though, thanks for posting.

[billyjo]

Did the swab that they stick down your japseye hurt?

I couldn't face the thought of something being shoved down there and gave a urine sample instead, although the resullts took longer.

[smiths]

Just to add i give false personal details when i go to the GUM every time. They even sometimes know i give false details from seeing me before a number of times but have never said anything. If i was to test positive that might have to change but as i havent as yet i will continue to lie as i dont wish them to have my real details.

I always say i punt and receive OWO, i have had a few lectures over the years but mainly they dont bother. Overall they offer an efficient service in my experience and i go quartely, i go to a few GUMs on a rotation basis.

[SirFrank]

Did the swab that they stick down your japseye hurt?

I couldn't face the thought of something being shoved down there and gave a urine sample instead, although the resullts took longer.

They swabbed the opening to it and it didn't hurt. I'd heard some flannel about some umbrella procedure where they stick some metal instrument down there open it up and scrape as they pull it out. I'm pretty sure that's bullshit. It was pain free but I have a needle phobia so that aside (ie the blood test) it was fine. Last time I booked in under the name of Max Power. They didn't bat an eyelid. I also phoned for my results on my punting phone. Ah the irony

[Straife]

Last time I booked in under the name of Max Power.

 

[jawill]

Mine are quite thorough, have had the cotton bud thing down the japs eye, hurts like feck, then the urine afterwards which feels like pissing razor blades after the swob, then the blood tests.  Sounds like yours just did the urine test - surprised they didnt do bloods.

[Frenchie]

The metal umbrella down the eye of your knob I believe is a bit of an urban myth.I heard  that is was a story spread throughout the armed forces to put servicemen off shagging the locals !!

A friend of mine was in the Guards and spent some time in Africa - his punting stories would make your hair turn white !!!!

If it's of any interest to anyone , here in France I have to go to the main hospital. You see the doctor and then have a blood test.
They work on your date of birth -no names , addresses . I just told the doctor I had slept with a different woman whilst in the UK .(well-I did -two in fact ! )
They give you a little form which you return with a week later . 30 seconds with the doctor who gives you a detailed result form..... 'pas problem'.(All clear )

Just like the OP the people in the waiting room were all normal looking everyday sorts- personally I'm not embarrassed about such things - in fact I went to the clinic after having a chat to my doctor .

[Frenchie]

Forgot to ask ....I have done some research about getting tested when in the UK ...I thought most of these clinics you just walk in during opening times . Is this the case ?

Very surprised the OP had to wait for an appointment (?)

[LL]

Forgot to ask ....I have done some research about getting tested when in the UK ...I thought most of these clinics you just walk in during opening times . Is this the case ?

Very surprised the OP had to wait for an appointment (?)

Generally you call to arrange an appointment.  However, many clinics (most?) have times when you can drop in without an appointment and this is OK if you don't mind waiting longer to be seen.  In busier clinics like the one I go to in Soho you have to wait 2 or 3 weeks for an appointment (unless you get lucky and somebody else cancels).  They will see you sooner if you think you've put yourself at risk / your cock's about to fall off / etc.

Search for a clinic near you...
External Link/Members Only

All punters should get tested regularly.  Look after yourself.

[STARRING]

Bit worried about the 2 weeks to find out if you where clear or not bud??

[Clicktocollect]

It was essential a cotton bud and it didn't hurt although uncomfortable. The results were in two parts...

... Initial results for Chylamydia and Gonorrhea  then went back after about a week or so  for blood results (syphilis?)

[Urban_G]

I've never been to a GUM clinic but I'm thinking I should, I don't have any 'issues' down there, but it would be nice to know one way or the other.

What do they test for exactly?

[jawill]

Urine test looks for ghonnorreah and chlamydia, plus any signs of infection ( white blood cells )
Blood test looks for syphilis and hiv
Swob can detect herpes, as well as any signs of infections

I believe Nhs clinics cannot however test for trachomas or mono contagiousm or whatever it's called

Having no signs is no excuse, why do you think stds are spread so much. Get tested every 3 to 6 months depending how active you are.   

[Strawberry]

GUM clinics vary in the way in which they offer appointments.

Re the tests I have mouth swabs for gonorrhea and chlamydia in that location, and have never given a urine sample since my first appointment - they say vaginal swabs are adequate for this and would only require a urine sample if I have symptoms.

Blokes can sometimes be symptomless, so worth having a test.

[UnrealisticExpectations]

10 years ago when I visited the GUM clinic I had the cotton bud thing and it was not a pleasant experience I can tell you!! At the time I had been with no WGs but had had some rather unsavoury one nighters.

Anyway long story short got a call telling me I almost certainly had chlamydia  So being the good boy I told my then GF! She went off and told her family and that was worse than the japs eye intrusion!
Got a call back two days later telling me it was a false positive and I was all clear  GF never gave up on it so I gave up on her and her bat shit crazy family.

FYI She refused to get tested as she said she had only slept with two blokes which was not enough to catch anything!!

[jawill]

A friend of mine fell seriously ill with clymadia, his gf had cheated on him and they we're abroad at the time when his Bollocks started swelling to the size of melons. He was admitted to hospital out in Spain for three days in agony before the treatment started to take effect. After his gf admitted to him, they worked out it was around three mmonths without any symptoms before it showed itself.

I think stds are seen as minor illnesses, having had ghonnorreah myself I can certainly tell you that they are not!!!!! 

[Toshiba]

Same for me as op but the waiting room was full and it was awkward sitting there

The wait for the text can be agonising and because im attached its a huge relief to see all clear

[overhead]

GUM clinics vary in the way in which they offer appointments.

Re the tests I have mouth swabs for gonorrhea and chlamydia in that location, and have never given a urine sample since my first appointment - they say vaginal swabs are adequate for this and would only require a urine sample if I have symptoms.

Blokes can sometimes be symptomless, so worth having a test.

The vaginal swabs are the equivalent of the swabs they do on men, for obvious reasons.

What is important the that you don't urinate for several hours before the swab is done. What I do is not drink anything the night before and then go in first thing in the morning.

The swab is sore, no getting away from that. One thing I find is that it's best to go to a place that has all female staff. Amazingly if you have a male take the swab sample they are much more rough - it's not a pleasant experience. Women are very noticeably more careful. Also females always give you a much more thorough check over. Don't ask me why, but it's a fact. Anyway I don't particularly like having another man fiddling around with my goolies, so that's another thing. The first time I went was at university college hospital in London, and the female staff I saw there were really good.

I've never had a mouth swab, that would be a new one.

[potato]

Women are very noticeably more careful. Also females always give you a much more thorough check over.

Yep and they do it for free and I have to resist the temptation to tip them or ask if they do extra's ..

[Gigabyte]

I wonder why some of us have had mouth swabs/urine samples and others have had swabs into their penis. Is there a doctor in the house (forum) that could say why?

[punk]

I wonder why some of us have had mouth swabs/urine samples and others have had swabs into their penis. Is there a doctor in the house (forum) that could say why?

My be  seems to be different depends where you go. i usually walk in fill out form, get given a number told how long it will take to be seen, see all the dudes going to see the doctor(s), get name called see nurse, take paper work, she asks questions, one of them how many parters you've had and if you have unprotected sex etc, any symptoms than pee and blood test, ask about throat swab and seems that if you have any thing show up in pee or blood test, important to have Hepatitis test if your punter ask for it.

[LanceVance]

In my local clinic, the procedure was blood test then urine. I think they would examine if there were any symptoms showing too.

[kingkong]

Cheers mate. Helpful for lots on here. My experience was very similar to yours. They also didn't shove anything down my hogs eye. I'm pretty sure that's an urban myth. Did get swabbed. All clear thankfully

I have seen it done on that "embarrassing illnesses" tv show.

[starman]

I believe some pharmacies can now supply free chlamydia test kits for under 25yr-olds.
For guys it is simply a DIY urine sample into a specimen bottle, which is securely wrapped and posted in the mailbox. They then text your mobile if the result is positive and you go back to the pharmacy for the single dose of treatment.  I'm not sure whether its available to older guys.

I don't know of any DIY kits for other STDs though, so the clinics are probably best for a full range of tests.

[Gigabyte]

Just found this on MAYOCLINIC

Chlamydia and gonorrhea screening is done either through a urine test or through a swab inside the penis in men or from the cervix in women

So it looks like they can do either a urine test or a swab. Might even depend on if they like you or not as to which one they do 

[Strawberry]

They only ever use swabs with me, perhaps they don't like me. Not sure if urine will be an accurate test for Chlamydia and gonorrhea in the mouth?

I'll ask at my next visit, I usually go armed with a few questions.

[jawill]

The swob is done after a recent encounter, its more accurate earlier than a urine test.  Ive had it done a few times, its no big deal, take a deep breath and its over in seconds.  Stings like feck yes, but its ok.  Basically they look at it under a microscope there and then in the clinic and can see any bacteria or signs of inflammation.

With regards home testing kits, i've also used Better2Know.  For £40 they send out a ghonn and clym testing kit the next day.  Pee in the pot (first thing in the morning is best), pop it in the supplied packaging, and into a post box.  You get a unique login code for the website and the results appear there in 3-4 days. 

Thats if you want to not go to the clinic.

Only other thing with the NHS clinics is that they take around 14 days to text you the results.  The bloods are usually done in 3 days, urine culture longer, about 5 days, a swob can be 10 days to culture it.  But generally you'll wait 14 days.

Private clinics like SameDayDr , Better2Know are expensive, but, you can get results the same day or next day.

As for swobs in the mouth Strawberry - you prob know you can have those infections in the throat, and downstairs, and the only way to detect the throat one is from the swob.  The human body can kill off the bacteria in the throat, it can take about 3 months, but its possible in that time to give it to someone else via a blow job.

[overhead]

Yep and they do it for free and I have to resist the temptation to tip them or ask if they do extra's ..

Don't go there. It's not appropriate, and annoys the hell out of them when guys start getting fruity with them.

[overhead]

I wonder why some of us have had mouth swabs/urine samples and others have had swabs into their penis. Is there a doctor in the house (forum) that could say why?

I've always had both the swab and the urine sample.

I think mouth swabs they do with people who say they have oral sex, and I've never had a mouth swab. They ask you a lot of questions beforehand, and I think the range of tests they do is based on that.

[overhead]

I believe some pharmacies can now supply free chlamydia test kits for under 25yr-olds.
For guys it is simply a DIY urine sample into a specimen bottle, which is securely wrapped and posted in the mailbox. They then text your mobile if the result is positive and you go back to the pharmacy for the single dose of treatment.  I'm not sure whether its available to older guys.

No it's not. Over 25's are specifically excluded. And the reason is that they can't claim back the cost of the test. Very annoying that there is that discrimination. It's a political thing, the government can claim that they are investing in young peoples health, but they make sure it is done to the absolute minimum cost.

I believe also that the testee has to provide actual personal information as proof, whereas the GUM clinics just accept whatever you tell them. So if anyone is afraid there is no need to be. Just give them an address and date of birth that is not far off the truth and they will be okay with it. They don't mail stuff unless you ask them too. Just be consistent with the answers, especially the DOB because they use that to check they have the right person as you go through the different stages.

[Strawberry]

I've always had both the swab and the urine sample.

I think mouth swabs they do with people who say they have oral sex, and I've never had a mouth swab. They ask you a lot of questions beforehand, and I think the range of tests they do is based on that.

I specifically request mouth swabs.

[punk]

if you an sti from any part of the body it will show up in a blood / urine test, escorts have there mouth swobs because its the nature of there business.

[jawill]

Wrong. An oral std would not show on blood or urine tests

[Strawberry]

Wrong. An oral std would not show on blood or urine tests

This is what I thought. I am told mouth swabs are for chlamydia and gonorrhea, blood tests are for HIV, syphillis and hep b plus I have hep B immunity checked each time, vaginal swabs same as mouth.

This might be useful to some readers;

External Link/Members Only

[Whore]

I know some one who used to be a sexual health nurse, the 'umbrella swabs' did exist and I am not going to add any more details but needless to say they made many a man faint.  Thankfully they are no longer needed and have not been used for many years.

I use the Waldron Sexual Health Clinic in New Cross, it's an NHS walk in service and you can wait up to 2 hours but they are very professional and non judgmental and I generally get my results by text no more than 4 working days later and usually much sooner (I'm not sure what happens if you have a positive result - that's never happened to me but I am sure that they would be discrete and professional if so).

[LL]

This is what I thought. I am told mouth swabs are for chlamydia and gonorrhea, blood tests are for HIV, syphillis and hep b plus I have hep B immunity checked each time, vaginal swabs same as mouth.

This might be useful to some readers;

External Link/Members Only

Absolutely.  And linking the appropriate NHS webpage is exactly the right thing to do here.  Throat swabs are necessary as are rectum swabs depending upon the type of sexual activity the person has taken part in.  That's why they give you a form to fill in at reception when you arrive for your sexual health screening.  On one occasion,I was handed a samples pack containing not just the small plastic container for my urine sample but also a throat-swab and a rectum-swab along with instructions of how to obtain my own samples.  It was only when I spoke to the nurse that it became apparent that in my slightly anxious state I had accidentally ticked the "male" check-box next to the question, "gender of the people you have sex with" (misreading the question, or perhaps not reading it all and just ticking "male" and assuming the question was asking about my own gender) .  By that point it was too late - I had already suffered the indignity of shoving a giant q-tip up my arse and gagging on another that I had to brush against my tonsils.  So for certain people these tests are definitely necessary to check for certain types of STI.

It goes without saying, I hope, that anyone reading this thread should themselves consult a GUM clinic for proper advice if they need it.  However, I think it's good that we share our own experiences of GUM clinics here as I hope that might encourage others to go and get themselves checked regularly.  After all it doesn't take long and the experience is not so bad (especially if you fill the forms in more carefully than I did ).

[Strawberry]

Absolutely.  And linking the appropriate NHS webpage is exactly the right thing to do here.  Throat swabs are necessary as are rectum swabs depending upon the type of sexual activity the person has taken part in.  That's why they give you a form to fill in at reception when you arrive for your sexual health screening.  On one occasion,I was handed a samples pack containing not just the small plastic container for my urine sample but also a throat-swab and a rectum-swab along with instructions of how to obtain my own samples.  It was only when I spoke to the nurse that it became apparent that in my slightly anxious state I had accidentally ticked the "male" check-box next to the question, "gender of the people you have sex with" (misreading the question, or perhaps not reading it all and just ticking "male" and assuming the question was asking about my own gender) .  By that point it was too late - I had already suffered the indignity of shoving a giant q-tip up my arse and gagging on another that I had to brush against my tonsils.  So for certain people these tests are definitely necessary to check for certain types of STI.

It goes without saying, I hope, that anyone reading this thread should themselves consult a GUM clinic for proper advice if they need it.  However, I think it's good that we share our own experiences of GUM clinics here as I hope that might encourage others to go and get themselves checked regularly.  After all it doesn't take long and the experience is not so bad (especially if you fill the forms in more carefully than I did ).

The forms I get given in reception are basic contact details and how were you referred, the sexual activity questions are all asked and answered with the Doctor in the consulting room.

I don't think it's ok to rely on the forms, I'm all for asking about the tests they are doing, which ones, why and also asking for extras such as mouth swabs - from what I remember I had to request them specifically but I'm fine with that and they are used to it now.

[punk]

This is what I thought. I am told mouth swabs are for chlamydia and gonorrhea, blood tests are for HIV, syphillis and hep b plus I have hep B immunity checked each time, vaginal swabs same as mouth.

This might be useful to some readers;

External Link/Members Only

your right blood test covers hiv, hep virus,syphillis, chlamydia, gonorrhea detected by the pee test.

[punk]

Wrong. An oral std would not show on blood or urine tests

eh ok, so when your sick, your blood shows no signs of infection?

[Strawberry]

eh ok, so when your sick, your blood shows no signs of infection?

I would say it depends, I don't think the blood shows everything.

I am told the swabs test for G, like I said I am not asked for a urine sample but I do ask for the full range of tests including mouth.

[punk]

I would say it depends, I don't think the blood shows everything.

I am told the swabs test for G, like I said I am not asked for a urine sample but I do ask for the full range of tests including mouth.

yes i remember you saying, thou i'm surprise no urine test, than again were i mostly go, its no swab only if your an escort or if you throat is showing symptoms, like swollen glands etc.

[wanaka]

Does the GUM clinic test for Ureaplasma Urealyticum? I did a private test and this showed positive, but research of the internet indicates that this is not considered an STI by the NHS. Anyone got any experience of this?

[Gigabyte]

U. urealyticum is part of the normal genital flora of both men and women. It is found in about 70% of sexually active humans.

According to wiki

[overhead]

Does the GUM clinic test for Ureaplasma Urealyticum? I did a private test and this showed positive, but research of the internet indicates that this is not considered an STI by the NHS. Anyone got any experience of this?

Yes, and I discovered that the NHS don't even test for it. Some private clinics do tell their patients it is an STI which can cause a lot of trouble between partners. I know of one such.

[Silver Birch]

My experience has been somewhat different, so other punters should not always expect this easy ride!

Just thought I would post my experience of attending a GUM clinic (Genito-Urinary Medicine) for the first time in case anyone who hasn't been is interested in what to expect.

I thought it would be difficult to find a place initially and somewhere I had gotten the impression that you had to go private or pay to be seen (NHS do it for free). A quick google search for "gum clinic near (your town)" and I got a hit on an NHS hospital about 10 minutes from me. I rang up the number and an automated message told me to leave my name and number and they would get back to me. The message also went on about how they would not pass on any details to anyone including to my GP without my permission. So message left and within 30 minutes I got a call back and I arranged an appointment for 2 days hence. All surprisingly easy.

I went to a walk in clinic when I was working away so as not to bump into any familiar faces (a bit like my punting really!). The first time the waiting room was packed with men (the women had a separate waiting room). After waiting over an hour and busting for a pee, the receptionist told me about another 30 minutes wait and then approximately 1 hour from start to finish for the test, so I had to leave and go to work. Returned next day and only 2 guys waiting and got seen within 10 minutes.

So I attended on the day, I went to reception and was told to fill out a form with some basic details, name age height weight and health and was told a number that would be used to call me to see the doctor/nurse (considerate really as most people would not want their name shouted out).

I have never given my real details but didn't get given a number. Only first names used when calling for patients.

So I went into the reception area half expecting to see a group of drugged out streetwalkers and blokes with dirty raincoats on. But it was clean and there was only 1 other person in there a normal looking girl, it was pretty empty for the 5-8 minutes I was there.

I was called into a room and saw a doctor who introduced herself, she asked me about why I had come to the clinic, then asked me about my recent sexual history and didn't even blink when I corrected her and said no it was 2 girls at once. I will admit to laying it on a bit thick as I have been told that if you don't the NHS look at you as low risk and won't necessarily do all the tests that they should.

Saw a male doctor who asked if I had any symptoms when I said No, asked why I thought I needed a test. Told him I'd given and received unprotected oral sex and full sex with condoms, with some girls from the internet! Without batting an eyelid he asked if it was paid for sex and whether I had had sex only with women. I admitted visiting 'sex workers' as they call them. He didn't appear judging in any way but did talk about the risks quoting percentages per std & hiv etc. After a quick examination I was sent to the female nurse to undergo the tests (without a chaperone).

She then called in a male nurse to act as a chaperone (that was probably the only awkward bit as he didn't have anything to do but make sure that the doctor didn't do anything they shouldn't have done). She had a good look, there was nothing shoved down my dick which I was expecting from having read a previous post.

A blood sample was taken, a swab from my mouth, a swab inserted into my penis gave a fierce burning sensation which was pretty uncomfortable, and finally a urine sample that was a relief to deliver (and painless after the swab).

I didn't even get a lecture on safe sex or anything tbh. At the end she sent me off to fill a small beaker with urine (mine obviously) and also gave me some free condoms which I felt a bit guilty about and a few leaflets. A couple of weeks later I got the results texted to me (or you can ring up).

They told me immediately that a couple of the tests were clear and I would have to phone in 2 weeks for the rest. They also advised me to come back in a couple of months for another HIV test as it was too soon after my last sexual encounter for this test to be 100% accurate. I was also offered a hepatitis B jab that I declined (because I wasn't intending to continue punting). 

All clear if anyone is interested.

All in all I was just surprised at how easy and reasonable the whole process was. If this was a review of a girl it would be a definite positive even if there was no DFK!

[wanaka]

Yes, and I discovered that the NHS don't even test for it. Some private clinics do tell their patients it is an STI which can cause a lot of trouble between partners. I know of one such.

Do escorts test for UU then? Should I inform the girls I have seen recently that I have tested positive for this?
 That is my dilema!