External Link/Members OnlyJust noticed that this absolute atrocity is back on the scene again!
I started writing a negative review of this witch shortly after I saw her a few months ago and just got so depressed reliving the experience I couldn't bring myself to finish it off and post it.
She disappeared off the scene shortly afterwards so I thought there was little point anyway as she's normally based in her home country of Hungary, but now she's resurfaced I thought it would be helpful to warn you guys.
Background of the date
I'd had a reallllly shit few months, serious family illness - leading to being cooped up at home, being made redundant, lots of stress, 'fuck the pain away' you know that song? thats what I needed. A bit of release and escape through great sex.
The botched bookingBecause of all of the above I desperately needed this punt to be great, so researched the shit out of the options and in the end decided Submissive Lauren was my ideal girl. She’s very pretty and had had (up till recently) some pretty consistently great reviews.
Could I make the date work? - could I hell. The day I decided to book her she was taken out of commission for ten days because of a trip to the dentists. I waited patiently till she was back but then she was booked up every week day thereafter for three days. The good news - Saturday she was free!
It wasnt the most ideal day for me - I had to juggle some family commitments to get an opportunity for escape, but I managed it eventually and booked a 3pm slot.
The day arrived - I was so excited. An hour before I text to get her address she decides to cancel on me!!! Noooooooo!!!!!
Apparently her daughter was ill.
The fallback plan/nightmareI was now crazy with frustration. My missus was out of the house but was due back soon and I knew if i didn't make myself scarce she'd end up finding me some shitty domestic chores to do - on a day that I had booked off too!
So I packed my laptop in my bag and headed to the pub to make use of their free wi-fi. Two hours later after lots of fruitless calls, texts and general fucking about I have a girl in my sites that shows promise.
She’s a hungarian porn star apparently. Grace Joy - and is punting herself out from a flat near Paddington at £100 and hour with a £20 supplement if I want CIM. I checked some of her videos and pics - she wouldnt have been my first choice but she’d do.
The thing that sells her to me especially is she sounds matter of fact but subtly flirty on the phone. I make an appointment for 7.30pm and hot-foot it over to Leinster Gardens near Paddington where she was punting out of one of those microflats where the bed is a matress on a mezzanine bed platform above your head.
The GirlLets just say the photos are pretty flattering. In reality she has a shit sun bed tan - dreadful tattoos and uneven teeth and hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in weeks, but she looked just about do-able in my desperate state. We had a bit of pre-punt banter about her nationality: Hungarian/brazilian apparently. I also asked her about her porn career - how many guys had she fucked at any one time - 18 apparently - a gang bang a few years ago.
The PuntMoney exchanged - services had already been agreed by text so up the ladder to the bed platform we went to shed clothes.
The Service started with an incredibly lacklustre BJ. Loads of spit but she would literally only stimulate the head. I had to stop her pistoning her head up and down on my cock about three times - saying could she go slower - deeper. Getting her to take instruction was hard work. I thought lets take the lead and give her a massage - see if I can steer this into more sensual territory.
Got her to turn over and massaged her back, bum and legs which is when I got to survey her body properly. She had a disappointingly saggy and pimply arse with what looked like a dreadful prison tattoo on the small of her back. I tried to ignore this and power through - kissed her on the side of her face - got her to turn over and part her legs which is when the punt started to go really wrong. I wanted to go down on her but she said ‘no’ - I pointed out that she’d agreed services by text and 69 was one of the services she agreed to. Reluctantly she let me carry on but said ‘no fingers’ and ‘no tongue inside’ - WTF?
While im licking her clit - she distractedly stares into space and at one point changes the music to yet another shitty auto-tuned track on her phone. Halfway into licking her a string of mucus like pussy discharge comes away from her gash on my tongue. ‘NO SPITTING’ she says vehemently. I point out this wasnt my spit it was her fucking juices. I put my hand up to stimulate her nipples and play with her tits - ‘NO PINCHING’ I hadnt pinched her just gently slipped her nipples between thumb and forefinger. By now as you can imagine her attitude was really pissing me off. I just kept thinking ‘power -through’ power through you can turn this around’.
I laid back and got her to try oral again but her technique was unbeleivbly poor. Again she just concentrated on the tip of my cock. There was so little suction or tongue action I could barely feel anything going on - it was shockingly bad considering this girl was meant to be a porn ‘star’ I said ‘can’t you go any deeper?’. She pulled my cock out and said ‘Deep throat is £20 extra’. Oh FFS!!!
But then I was curious - ‘how deep can you go?’ ‘All the way’ she said ‘and you can face-fuck me if you like.’ So now I was intrigued. ‘Go on then give me a sample and if its good I will pay the extra’ she then proceeds to slide her mouth right down my cock to the root. I can feel the tightening as my cock eases into the back of her throat. Shit! now that felt good! I needed more of that!
Part of me was resentful I was having to pay this bitch more just so she’d actually do a a good job rather than a shit one - but it was a case of in for a penny now. I realised I might just have enough in my jeans lying on the floor to offer her an extra £20. She insists on it upfront. I manage to find £15 and she insists on me getting the extra fiver otherwise no go. FFS!
She watches me go through the coin pocket of my jeans and I manage to scrape together the other fiver in coins - by now what little magic there was is completely broken and even though Ive agreed to pay the extra Im starting to feel really narked and pissed off.
I lie back on the bed and she starts oral again. Yes, she does go deep a few times. I grab the back of her head to face fuck her but the whole thing feels a bit like a wrestling match with her fighting against me to not go too deep or too long - even though this is what Ive paid extra for. We 69 for a bit which she uses as an excuse to try to get away with using just her hands. I think she thinks I wont notice. I have to ask her to start using her mouth again and deep throat me. She goes back to using her mouth but is again just concentrating on the tip and I can barely feel a thing she is doing. Its clear that this bitch is going to do just about the bare minimum to keep me happy.
I flip onto my back so I can get her to concentrate on me and direct things a bit more to my liking but Im already losing the will. After a while of grabbing the back of her head to guide her I let her go at her own pace and depth and shes just basically gone back to her usual nead bobbing at speed and the promised deep throat seems to have been forgotten altogether. By now all this bullshit has had an effect on my cock and I can barely maintain an erection.
Im thinking how the hell will she get a condom on me so we can fuck and then I think the act of fucking her now seems actually quite repellent. I ask her straight out - ‘look Im barely even hard - why do you think that might be?’ she shrugs and remains silent, I follow with ‘maybe because your not giving me what I need’ At this point she pulls away and says ‘I can only do this my way’
Me:‘So your saying your not prepared to follow any of my requests even though they are reasonable and you agreed all the services with me upfront - youve already tried to turn me down for one service that was agreed in advance. I am the paying customer here.’
She just stares at me defiantly. By now I am raging. Me: ‘Give me back the money for the deep throat - Im not paying for it. Your blowjob is the shittest I’ve ever had’
She sulkily hands me back the £15 and I scrape the extra fiver in change off the floor.
We are now only 25 minutes into the punt and I havent cum but I just want to get out of there as quickly as possible - Im already getting back into my clothes. ‘I also want half my money back. I paid you for an hour you’ve given me less than half an hour and its been so bad I already want to leave’ She outright refuses.
I say ‘ I think its actually more than reasonable to pay you for half an hour because Im telling you now that was the worst sex I have had for years - I want the rest of my money back.’ She stares at me defiantly again and refuses - then I get: ‘ You british men you are all the same. You have no idea how to treat a woman - its no wonder none of you can get a wife or girlfriend.’
Me: 'Treat a woman?!?' I say - 'how about you knowing how to treat a man? Your supposed to be a fucking porn star, a few minutes ago you told me youve been banged by 18 guys - the one thing I should have been able to count on is you’d at least be good at sex - but Im telling you that is the worst sex Ive had in years. Give me the rest of my money'.
Again refusal.
Now Im grasping at straws: Me: ‘so what if I phone the police and tell them youve stolen my money’
Her: ‘Do it’ she says ‘and I will tell them you raped me!’
By now im heading down the ladder that leads from the mezzanine bed platform back into the poky loumge/kitchenette.
Me: 'okay -how about i stay here then and refuse to leave till you give me back my money.'
Her: 'be my guest you can wait as long as you like'
By this point presumably curious about the raised voices another girl enters the room from an adjoining door. She's frustratingly way more attractive and Im assuming must be another escort who's doing business from the flat next door. She starts taking in hungarian to her friend and they share some jokes clearly at my expense laughing amongst themselves. Its a stand off and I can see there's no way Im going to make headway here.
Violence against women I find utterly repellent - but I tell you right there, at that moment I could fully understand how guys lose it and attack women.
After some further swearing and raised voices I decide Im getting nowhere fast so exit her flat absolutely furious. I see a fire alarm on the wall and I was soooo tempted to break the glass and leg it.
Violent fantasies went through my mind of putting a brick through the big sash windows of the flat - as I walked up the road but I was stopped by visions of me in the back of cop car.
In the end, tail between legs and orgasm free I head back to the tube, cursing all the gods for bringing that awful witch all but briefly into my life.
Fellas be warned - avoid this one like bubonic plague!
