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Author Topic: Very Nearly Caught - Going To Give Up!  (Read 8714 times)

Offline PD11

Last night was the closest I have ever come to being caught by my GF whilst punting.

I booked a quick 30 mins with a girl off AW who just so happened to be very close to where I live. The booking was for around 9 pm and I had no reason to leave the house so I was aware that it would look suspicious; but craving new pussy I came up with the worst excuse ever: "just going to go the shops for a few beers babe, stressful day at work, I need to chill out". I've never really drank at home.

Anyway, off I went on the short 5 minute drive: now even though we were close in proximity, I'm actually new to the area having moved from another town. I still didn't really know where i was going other than it was in the opposite direction to the shops. Now I was full of nerves and messing around with the sat nav - I near crashed the fucking car at least 3 times!! It was the journey from fucking hell!

The punt was with an EE girl who looked great on her pics and had good feedback, yet no one commented that she had a crumpet face and was riddled with spots. Nor did they mention that she'd piled a few pounds on. Anyway, I worked on her mish and then screwed the arse off her for the full half hour. It was continuous sex and lots of sweating.

On leaving I was a bit paranoid about the sweat, but with it being cold I thought I'd cool down in due course. I rushed the shops, got my beer and then rushed to the car with the excuse of 'seeing a mate' and 'having a chat". However, when I got in the car I shit my pants! The thing stunk of cheap, shitty perfume! I sniffed my shirt and low and behold, that stunk even worse! All of my senses were awakened!!

I zipped a coat on and drove home with all the windows open doing about 80mph trying to get as much fresh air through the car as possible. Once again, full of nerves, I near wrapped the thing around 3 fucking trees!

I got home and my girlfriend was full of question and concern, but I had rushed to the bedroom and stripped off pronto. The shirt was screwed into a ball and put under the bed and I leapt into the shower just as she opened the bathroom door with more questions.

For the next few minutes I scrubbed myself like a lunatic and answered her questions through the shower door. I generally just acted like a stressed out weirdo and acted as though the world was on my shoulders.

I was shitting myself.

All in all, it was one of the shittest punts in my life for one of the most stressful situations of my life. It's just not worth it.

I even had to check the car at midnight to see if it was fine: "oh I've left my phone" was the excuse this time.

Oh. And the shirt is still screwed under the bed. That's got to be dealt with later.

Too much.

Sailormack

  • Guest
Get rid of the GF mate.

It will be easier on you in the long run  ;)

Roland D Hay

  • Guest
I know I shouldn't laugh but that was one of the funniest posts I've ever read. Craving new pussy indeed. Taking those risks it is only a matter of time my friend  :bomb:

rogerc23

  • Guest
madness,surely just punt when you know she wont be around?lunch times at work works best for me,no chance of the wife finding out and fresh pussy :thumbsup:

Nimrod

  • Guest
I know I shouldn't laugh but that was one of the funniest posts I've ever read.

What he said.

Offline unclepokey

Dear Mr Draper,

If you punt in the circumstances you seem to describe I'd stop right now.

Uncle Pokey

cjkanye02

  • Guest
Mate that's just reckless - it's not getting caught out it's just doing it in plain sight. Mad man!

Offline NIK

I assume your girlfriend is more attractive than the prossy minger?
If so why bother?  :unknown:

Offline KentAde

madness,surely just punt when you know she wont be around?lunch times at work works best for me,no chance of the wife finding out and fresh pussy :thumbsup:

Ditto. 100% what I do....

Offline finn5555

Next time give me a call I will distract your GF whilst you sneak in and shower  :hi:

vorian

  • Guest
Should have booked the "Mobile Gloryhole" they can park outside on your street,  in and out before the OH knows your even gone. :lol:  :lol:

andrei

  • Guest
january 8th, registers on ukp

january 23rd "nearly gets caught"

leave the game playa, its not for you

cjkanye02

  • Guest
Ditto. 100% what I do....

Another member of the lunchtime crew here. My workmayes were asking today where I keep dissapearing too for long lunches and why I have 2 mobile phones :) Mrs doesn't suspect a thing though :)

Offline PD11

january 8th, registers on ukp

january 23rd "nearly gets caught"

leave the game playa, its not for you

Well put mate, I am.

Offline latecomer

I assume your girlfriend is more attractive than the prossy minger?
If so why bother?  :unknown:
Yup, I think it's coming up to decision time for you mate.

Offline jackdaw

Call me cautious, but when I was six years old and carried out the great crisps robbery from the local Woolies, I planned it more carefully than this.

If the GF ain't suspicious after this, keep her, she's a treasure.

Offline smiths

Last night was the closest I have ever come to being caught by my GF whilst punting.

I booked a quick 30 mins with a girl off AW who just so happened to be very close to where I live. The booking was for around 9 pm and I had no reason to leave the house so I was aware that it would look suspicious; but craving new pussy I came up with the worst excuse ever: "just going to go the shops for a few beers babe, stressful day at work, I need to chill out". I've never really drank at home.

Anyway, off I went on the short 5 minute drive: now even though we were close in proximity, I'm actually new to the area having moved from another town. I still didn't really know where i was going other than it was in the opposite direction to the shops. Now I was full of nerves and messing around with the sat nav - I near crashed the fucking car at least 3 times!! It was the journey from fucking hell!

The punt was with an EE girl who looked great on her pics and had good feedback, yet no one commented that she had a crumpet face and was riddled with spots. Nor did they mention that she'd piled a few pounds on. Anyway, I worked on her mish and then screwed the arse off her for the full half hour. It was continuous sex and lots of sweating.

On leaving I was a bit paranoid about the sweat, but with it being cold I thought I'd cool down in due course. I rushed the shops, got my beer and then rushed to the car with the excuse of 'seeing a mate' and 'having a chat". However, when I got in the car I shit my pants! The thing stunk of cheap, shitty perfume! I sniffed my shirt and low and behold, that stunk even worse! All of my senses were awakened!!

I zipped a coat on and drove home with all the windows open doing about 80mph trying to get as much fresh air through the car as possible. Once again, full of nerves, I near wrapped the thing around 3 fucking trees!

I got home and my girlfriend was full of question and concern, but I had rushed to the bedroom and stripped off pronto. The shirt was screwed into a ball and put under the bed and I leapt into the shower just as she opened the bathroom door with more questions.

For the next few minutes I scrubbed myself like a lunatic and answered her questions through the shower door. I generally just acted like a stressed out weirdo and acted as though the world was on my shoulders.

I was shitting myself.

All in all, it was one of the shittest punts in my life for one of the most stressful situations of my life. It's just not worth it.

I even had to check the car at midnight to see if it was fine: "oh I've left my phone" was the excuse this time.

Oh. And the shirt is still screwed under the bed. That's got to be dealt with later.

Too much.

If i had ever been so stupid i would also be giving up, fortunately i treat not getting caught as a top priority and crucially never get complacent.

Roland D Hay

  • Guest
Call me cautious, but when I was six years old and carried out the great crisps robbery from the local Woolies, I planned it more carefully than this.

 :lol: :lol: :lol:

timmyshorny

  • Guest
Have to say even my first punt went smoother then this... I made sure the mrs was well over 200 miles away.
Seems like a fatal rookie error.....  :dash: I would say don't give up, I'd say don't be so driven by the purple brain and plan better next time  :lol:


Toshiba

  • Guest
Omg, you deserve to get caught for being so stupid

Never on a night time, always early or through the day and never when i come home with her indoors at home,even when i insist on no perfume i still have these rules.

Too risky unless ya not bothered and i am, i like my comfortable life, just need more sex at times with a young hottie

Offline Bangers and Gash

I'm single, and I plan my own punts better than the OP does.  :lol:

What were you thinking, not having a quick shower before going back to 'er in doors' ?... punting suicide!! :bomb:

Offline Taggart

Is this a case of never punting on your own doorstep? Or locality?
I've always punted a minimum of 25 miles from home (cue Edwin Starr?) and planned it so there is no interaction from the OH, ie: when she is at work and I am free to do my own thing, or staying overnight in the punting desert they call Lincolnshire.

That said, the risk of an accident, speeding ticket or something else, does cross my mind, thinking of answers to the question 'what were you doing there....?'

An answer of shagging someone half your age wont go down well.

Sailormack

  • Guest
Call me cautious, but when I was six years old and carried out the great crisps robbery from the local Woolies, I planned it more carefully than this.
If the GF ain't suspicious after this, keep her, she's a treasure.

I think you'll find you were just the decoy, while I cleaned out the pick 'n' mix  :cool:

Offline Kingb3000

Now this story is why i rarely get to punt these days.

25 miles in London is about 25m people away and quite possibly 1 to 2hours away.

Offline smiths

Is this a case of never punting on your own doorstep? Or locality?
I've always punted a minimum of 25 miles from home (cue Edwin Starr?) and planned it so there is no interaction from the OH, ie: when she is at work and I am free to do my own thing, or staying overnight in the punting desert they call Lincolnshire.

That said, the risk of an accident, speeding ticket or something else, does cross my mind, thinking of answers to the question 'what were you doing there....?'

An answer of shagging someone half your age wont go down well.

I have often punted near home, the nearest being a few streets away with a great regular now gone, not been a problem.

dave123

  • Guest
If you have a wife and kids it's reasonable to punt and take the risk. But a GF? Why bother? Just ditch the GF. Thought it was just wives who didn't want sex.

Offline Daffodil

Enjoyed this post. Crumpet face indeed, I'll be using that one, thanks.

As others have said, no need to give it up, just stop punting like a fucking loon  :hi:

Offline Daffodil

I assume your girlfriend is more attractive than the prossy minger?
If so why bother?  :unknown:

I get the feeleing that there are plenty of us who punt for variety. I could be dating a sex-mad Scarlett Johansson and still punt  :music:


Offline smiths

I get the feeleing that there are plenty of us who punt for variety. I could be dating a sex-mad Scarlett Johansson and still punt  :music:

And me, the fact is one woman however much sex i might be getting with her doesnt offer me the vareity i require and want. ;)

jcdmj12

  • Guest
Yes, you should stop, you clearly don't have anything like the self control required for clandestine activity

Rule #1 is always maintain operational security.  If any aspect of the planned mission may result in a breach, abort immediately and have a wank. After any outing, check carefully for any security lapses and ensure countermeasures are put in place to prevent a repeat. 




Offline vinnyfx101

Just my opinion and could be off the mark, but I think there's a stronger than strong possibility that your g/f will know that your lying. She might not have much evidence, but she'd have to be sub-normal not to know it ain't true. 40mins for beer, new area old friend, out of character. I've heard more convincing stories on Jeremy Kyle. I think you're already busted. If she can live with it without further inquisition then it's probably because you're in the last chance saloon. Think you need to be a million times more careful or just don't. I'd say for the next 6 months you need to avoid even a hint of unaccounted time.
It would be interesting to know how old you are. It you're over say 25, me thinks you have a bit of a problem.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2014, 11:02:37 am by vinnyfx101 »

Offline PD11

Just my opinion and could be off the mark, but I think there's a stronger than strong possibility that your g/f will know that your lying. She might not have much evidence, but she'd have to be sub-normal not to know it ain't true. 40mins for beer, new area old friend, out of character. I've heard more convincing stories on Jeremy Kyle. I think you're already busted. If she can live with it without further inquisition then it's probably because you're in the last chance saloon. Think you need to be a million times more careful or just don't. I'd say for the next 6 months you need to avoid even a hint of unaccounted time.
It would be interesting to know how old you are. It you're over say 25, me thinks you have a bit of a problem.


That's very well said, it's made me think that. I'm bang on 25 btw.

potato

  • Guest
Dear oh dear Mr OP, so many schoolboy errors.  If she wasn't on to you before, she is now.  I remember along time back when I had planned a safe incall and the girl was drenched in perfume even though I had asked for "showered only".  I still went through with the meeting as I had a back up plan in place - on the way home, I popped into the Petrol Station and filled up with diesel - deliberately spilling some on my hands and jeans, wiping my hands on my shirt...  I got home and she could smell the diesel a mile off - into the shower to remove all traces and the clothes straight into the wash on their own.....

Offline Tailpipe

I assume your girlfriend is more attractive than the prossy minger?
If so why bother?  :unknown:


Rule number one for me is has to be better Looking than Wife or GF or whats the point. second Thoughts may be its the need for a BJ  :D :D  Or the need not to here
can you hurry up as I want to read me book.  :scare:

Roland D Hay

  • Guest

Rule number one for me is has to be better Looking than Wife or GF or whats the point.

If you ever get caught TP, I'd not use this point in your defence!  :D

Offline Taggart


Rule number one for me is has to be better Looking than Wife or GF or whats the point.


Excellent point. I tend to chose ladies who, secretly, I'd like as GFs or whatever.
There is simply no point in paying to shag an old minger - or a young one for that matter.

Walking away from a session with an attractive female gives me a sense of satisfaction. Yes, I can be a bit of a smug bastard.

Offline Tailpipe

If you ever get caught TP, I'd not use this point in your defence!  :D


I did get caught and I took financial "A"  , But some things are better unsaid.  However I do recall "why did you feel the need" answer "how many years has it been since you last
gave me a BJ as I make it over 10 " However this only resulted in damage to the Door of my car was a Aston as had money then .  :scare:

They take as much money in the Divorce as they can to make them better about providing second class sex for the entire marriage.

Since the growing cynic.   

Message to all wife's who still provide good service , my apologies for been a cynic as I am sure there must be some good ones out there, 

Roland D Hay

  • Guest

I did get caught and I took financial "A"  , But some things are better unsaid.  However I do recall "why did you feel the need" answer "how many years has it been since you last
gave me a BJ as I make it over 10 "

Oh well. Better than my ex wife who had no problem whatsoever providing a wide range of sexual services including BJ and A, only problem was that she was providing them to a number of other gents too.... And she still got a shot load of money!

Offline CBPaul

As others have said, I think you have been caught OP, not almost caught. Any woman not suspicious of your behavior would have to be devoid of her senses, well at least a couple of them. They can smell perfume that isn't theirs from 2 miles and will notice the change of clothes in a second. I hope the offending shirt isn't still stashed under the bed. Taking and age to get the beer you don't drink will have her on high alert on your return and rushing off to grab a shower won't have helped.

I don't think you need to give up full stop but you do need to taker a break if you want to keep the GF and also evaluate your punting technique.

Personally I never punt within 10 miles of home and always leave several hours before being due back home. 

Offline Bumfondler

Dear oh dear Mr OP, so many schoolboy errors.  If she wasn't on to you before, she is now.  I remember along time back when I had planned a safe incall and the girl was drenched in perfume even though I had asked for "showered only".  I still went through with the meeting as I had a back up plan in place - on the way home, I popped into the Petrol Station and filled up with diesel - deliberately spilling some on my hands and jeans, wiping my hands on my shirt...  I got home and she could smell the diesel a mile off - into the shower to remove all traces and the clothes straight into the wash on their own.....

Textbook. :thumbsup:

cjkanye02

  • Guest

Rule number one for me is has to be better Looking than Wife or GF or whats the point. second Thoughts may be its the need for a BJ  :D :D  Or the need not to here
can you hurry up as I want to read me book.  :scare:

Better looking Mrs is not much use if your Mrs doesn't put out. This would put me in a right quandry as my wife is knockout gorgeous but seems to have retired from sex.

Roland D Hay

  • Guest
I don't agree that the girl has to be better looking. We look for all sorts of different things in working girls, primarily variety. Sure punting with girls that might be out of your league is a factor but sometimes I just see a girl who is sexy, not necessarily stunning. The body and not the face is the prime draw for me. Some Lothario once said, 'show me a beautiful wife and I'll show you a husband that's sick of fuckin her.'

Offline Daffodil

Textbook. :thumbsup:

It's certainly a means to an end, but ruining your clothes to escape detection? Not in my textbook.

Offline Daffodil

I don't agree that the girl has to be better looking. We look for all sorts of different things in working girls, primarily variety. Sure punting with girls that might be out of your league is a factor but sometimes I just see a girl who is sexy, not necessarily stunning. The body and not the face is the prime draw for me. Some Lothario once said, 'show me a beautiful wife and I'll show you a husband that's sick of fuckin her.'

Agree. Looks are important to me, but they certainly don't have to look better than the missus. Lots of factors at play.

I don't even consider the majority of prossies to be particularly good looking. I still fuck them though  :cool:

Offline brightperv

Most of my punts are when I am away on business. If I punt in my own town it's always when the GF is away so I can come home to empty house.

 peterdraper11 is clearly not a planer.

Offline LostInMackemLand

We can't speculate on him being a planer or not.

He's certainly not a planner though.

Offline webpunter

What a great item to read for 'friday fun'
Sure a % of UKP members must have been there in some form or another
But not to quite such a degree as Mr Draper
Funny reading his hilariously written a/c of events & the panic which set in & developed further
Priceless
Love the comparison to nicking stuff from woolies - aged all of 6
Couple of good points made - including not speeding & creating distance / not shitting on own doorstep etc
I try & plan stuff with military precision to include an alibi for being in a place at a certain time etc

Only time i've come close so far [touch wood] is when i accidentally left directions / road etc on a piece of paper in my jacket top pocket
Hung this up on the hook on getting back in
Put on the jacket next day - trying to find something & hey presto - find the paper
Had a horrible shivery feeling go right down my spine & my stomach tightened up.  Lasted a good 5mins.  Close shave
Was then time for a mental note to self - 'don't fuck up in the future'
And think stuff through forwards & backwards to cover tracks

Good luck to the crumpet muncher !

SirPhilipXX

  • Guest
Thanks for the comic tale - very enjoyable.

So glad I'm divorced. Poorer maybe but definitely wiser.  :)

Offline blackburnian

Dear oh dear Mr OP, so many schoolboy errors.  If she wasn't on to you before, she is now.  I remember along time back when I had planned a safe incall and the girl was drenched in perfume even though I had asked for "showered only".  I still went through with the meeting as I had a back up plan in place - on the way home, I popped into the Petrol Station and filled up with diesel - deliberately spilling some on my hands and jeans, wiping my hands on my shirt...  I got home and she could smell the diesel a mile off - into the shower to remove all traces and the clothes straight into the wash on their own.....

That's freaky - I have used exactly same ploy with the  diesel!!!
 
Blackburnian