I'm off. It's been an interesting experience with lots of positives and negatives along the way. I've decided to put this closing statement out there for personal reasons with the thought that maybe it will help some people. At the very least some of you will have a laugh at my expense.
I started punting about 3 years ago as an escape from a family situation that was getting pretty unhappy. During these 3 years I've been pretty low and to say I attempted suicide would be a bit too strong but on a few of occasions I've tried to invoke accidents that would have resulted in serious injury or death. Clearly, I was unsuccessful but it gives you a perspective of where I was at.
As an escape and possibly out of anger or frustration I spent many, many hours and days looking for paid sex. In the main, despite some really great times, i've remained pretty unfulfilled by the experience but drawn to it like a buzz. The anticipation for me has often (but not always - ellie rose, fantasy courtesan and khloe sexy girl being notable exceptions) been greater than the experience.
So what has changed? Well in many ways not a lot, for the entire duration I've been trying to stop. I have gone several months in the past with not punting and then suddenly i'll be overcome with desire and I will come back with a lustre that I can't physically or financially keep up with but the true catalyst is that my wife found out. So faced with the possibility of my marriage ending and the impact this would have on my children I've sought professional help - better late than never. One thing that was truly apparent from the instance that I was confronted is that I was not prepared for either the devastation this brought to my wife or how much I really felt for her. I thought I no longer loved her, I thought I was just seeking satisfaction to stop me going crazy, I thought she didn't really care what I did. I had genuinely misled myself with a series of things that were based on real events but did not reflect reality. As a mechanism to avoid pain I had buried my real feelings towards my wife and sought solace elsewhere - not only punting but travel for work, drinking with friends, any number of excuses other than to be at home to feel small and inadequate and, in my opinion, undervalued. As it turns out - and this was news to both of us - I have been avoiding confrontation and dealing with my issues and my wife has been trying to accommodate my depression by giving me as much space as I needed. I interpreted this as she didn't care, she was trying to give me what she thought I needed.
Long story short I've spent 3 years or so thinking about and fucking as many women as I could to escape my life - or the life I thought I was trapped in - my wife has been lost wondering what else she can do to support me. This situation coming to a head has forced us to look at each other in a different light and realise just how much we have to lose. Not only as a family but as a couple. In addition, the danger has gone, I no longer worry about being court and as a result I seem to have lost all desire for punting. It's like a weight has been removed and I can now thing clearly again and see what it is I've really been missing (and it wasn't sex, that was just something to make me feel temporarily better - and as I've mentioned not particularly successfully.).
That's my story. Everyone has their reasons but if, like me, you feel like you're trying to escape something - then maybe you'll be better off trying to find some help to deal with those problems because this is sure is not the answer.
I'm worried that I will resume activities and put my life back at risk and all the personal and family consequences this brings - not least that I will have suicidal tendencies again. Researching how to break from this world has led to the realisation that it's not easy. So I'm taking practical steps to make it as hard as possible. These are the things I'm doing...
1. I closed a second bank account I had where I could squirrel away money from various things - selling stuff on ebay, refunds, presents, bonuses, overdrafts, etc.. all to fund punting
2. getting rid of accounts on here, aw and ukescorting is hard so I've instead deleted my email account that allows me to recover passwords.
3. I'm now about to change the password to something totally unmemorable so I'll not be able to logon or request a new password because I wont get the email.
4. I've turned on adult site controls on my phone and wifi
these are little practical steps that will make it harder for me to drift back in. Hopefully they are successful to slow me down enough to think twice and stop.
I'm not saying that punting is bad or being judgmental I just don't want to do it. It wasn't satisfying enough for me and even when it was it was pretty short lived. Is punting wrong - the jury is out for me. I've benefited, If i hadn't found an escape I might be 6 foot under now. Many ladies enjoy what they do and should have freedom of choice for a profession, they should also have the protection of the state - whether it's legal or not. Unfortunately, I fear these ladies are in the minority and some people out of the need to pay the bills bit more worryingly some do it because they are forced. I always tried to ensure that the people I saw where unlikely to be in this category but it's impossible to tell. So for this reason alone, put aside that I want to try and resurrect my marriage, I just don't want to be doing this anymore and I am thankful that I have the support of my wife to give this up and feel confident that I wont drift back into it.
Good luck people and thanks for all the reviews.
