Artemis - Berlin (September 2018)

[sexysunny]

Firstly, thanks to everyone that has left reviews and advice for this place. It wouldn't even be on my radar if it wasn't for UKP!

I landed at TXL at 12pm, managed to pass border control, buy a travel card for €7 and jump on the bus by 12:19. There's a machine on the bus that validates your ticket, so no need to bother the driver. It's a 10min ride to the S-bahn, once there you'll need to take an anticlockwise train 3 stops to Westkreuz station. There aren't any ticket barriers so you can walk on and off with ease, Artemis is a 5min walk left of the cul-de-sac that the station is located. I must have arrived there at 12:45!

A very friendly receptionist took my €80 entry, tied my wristband, then gave me a bath robe and a watch strap that uses a NFC tag to open my lockers. You'll get a small locker to stash your valuables and also a larger locker in the changing rooms.

Once showered, I had a good look around. You can't go upstairs unless you're taking a girl and girls can't go downstairs to the wellness area but are allowed in the cinema area which also has a few private rooms. I helped myself to some breakfast buffet which was pretty basic but sufficient and I then spent maybe an hour by the pool since it was such a nice warm day. There's a soft drink bar by the pool which I initially thought was closed but later realised was self service!

Lara: I bumped into this German born Turkish beauty on the stairs, my jaw literally dropped! Lara looked exactly like Kim Kardashian when she had honey blonde hair and tan. We went upstairs and I asked for the basic service OW and sex for €60. I knew I wouldn't last long so I took my time playing with her body and undressing her before we did the deed. Her tits look exactly like Kim's too, just enough droop to look slightly natural. I stopped her fairly early into OW since I knew I'd unload very quickly and switched to sex in mish so I could control the pace - I really wanted her pussy when I nut! Went to the lockers after to get her money, the girls stand a fair distance away so it's not too intrusive.

Alejandra: This short, slim, pale, natural looking Spanish brunette from Valencia came and sat next to me outside, I got a good vibe from her so we found a room in the outdoor area.  She was the only girl that I didn't discuss any services with - FK, OWO and sex just flowed like I just pulled a civvie. Her tits were enhanced but only C cups and they suited her tbh. She was in no rush to get rid if me and we talked and kissed for a while afterwards, we were both appreciative that neither of us were smokers. I wasn't wearing a watch but I thought it be wise to get her €60 before I get charged for another 30mins!

Asensia: I met this pretty, tanned, bleached blonde Bulgarian girl in the cinema area. This part of the club is a place where girls frequently try to pick up punters. I'd say she was a size 10 with 32DD tits and a nice round arse. She's a bit shy and didn't try to up sell anything once we got into the room. I received some long decent OW until I was ready for sex, she then rode me in cowgirl until I came. Again, she didn't rush me out of the room and we had a little chat before we left to get her €60.

They close the breakfast buffet at 3pm and open the dinner buffet at 6pm. Choice is limited but the food was good enough, chicken, rice, sausage, vegetables and dome dessert.

Sammi: The first time I sat at the main bar area I was quickly pounced on by this absolutely stunning German born Moroccan girl. Just imagine a young, tanned Sandra Bullock with big tits! I opted for the standard service, her OW was very intense and she was happy to keep going until I was ready for sex. I eventually asked her to ride me in cowgirl and she did it with lots of variation until she began to tire, I really wanted to cum with her on top so she continued and faked and orgasm until I did. €60

Bernadette: I was chilling in the cinema when this Brazilian beauty and her friend tried to entice me into a threesome, these tend to be a waste of money in my experience so I chose the more attractive girl for some fun. Bernadette could easily pass for Leona Lewis for looks, but with big fake tits and some real sexual appetite thrown in. OW was excellent, she sucked hard and fast and encouraged me to grope her tits. She was full of energy and fake moans while she ride me in cowgirl, eventually she begged me to fuck her in doggie and hooked her ankles around my lower legs which gave me just enough extra stimulation to cum! This was my favourite punt of the night! €60

It was quite warm outside so I took a couple of naps by the pool between punts until I had recharged for more fun.

Zoe: I met this girl by the cinema, tall, slim, big tits, long black hair and tattoos on her back. I found her very attractive (especially her eyes) and her sexy demeanor had me hard before we even entered the room. I refused her tactics at up selling extras which she was visibly unhappy with and the whole punt went downhill from there. OW was great but she was rushing for sex, then quickly did a couple of positions before she complained about me not staying hard and demanded to wank me off instead. I stopped her and explained that her rushing me is ruining the punt and that she's going to give me another blowjob, she then gave me some excellent OW until I came. €60

Meggy: This Bulgarian beauty approached me at the bar area at around 3am, she looked very similar to Angelika Black. Once in the room she was was very keen to up sell a long list of extras which were politely declined. OW was excellent but she would only fuck in doggie, I didn't have much energy so I soon suggested she wank me off instead. Being my 7th punt of the day it took a while to get me off but she kept going. We had a chat afterwards and she gave me a nice kiss good bye after I handed her €60.

Overall my experience was mostly positive. There are many stunning girls there, some will outright tell you to fuck off however politely you decline their advances. Also most of the girls smoke a lot which isn't ideal. It gets really busy after 9/10pm so it's probably best to pin down any girls that really take your fancy early on.

[bristolman123]

Many thanks for the up to date report.  Last time I was there was last year and girls were allowed in the wellness area downstairs, so this must be a new change.  For the better in my opinion, it gets irritating when you want a snooze down there and the girls hassle you.

One tip to add... the bar downstairs in the wellness area has good non-alcoholic beer on tap for free if you like that (I don't like getting drunk in FKK clubs and soft drinks get boring).

[Jerboa]

Good report Sexysunny, you were a busy guy lol, did many girls try to upswell owo and kissing? They've never been extras, but it doesn't stop girls trying it on with new guys, sounds like a good lineup, you're right about grabbing a girl early that you like, before it gets busy, some of the top girls can afford to be choosy, and have regulars queuing up to take them, or by a certain time of night, you see them in the lounge drinking with their friends and not taking anymore punters.

[sexysunny]

Thanks for the tip Bristolman!

Yes Jerboa, I hadn't punted all year so I was on the prowl almost as much as the girls! It was hard to disguise the fact that it was my first time, mainly the girls in the evening that tried with the extras. You're right about some of the top girls, trying to get a girl at 3am of the same standards as earlier in the day was pretty hard..

[sexysunny]

I visited Artemis again this month. Punted fewer WGs on this occasion but I think it was better since I was able to cum during sex with each of them. They were all walking around topless this time and I preferred this. No one offered OWO included in the 30mins and it was actually the Romanian girls that were less pushy on the upsell.

Violetta: Tall, straight black hair, size 10, 34c natural tits, Romanian, slight resemblance to Audrey Bitoni but with a slightly rounded face. There were prettier girls on offer but she was insisting that she'd offer a slow, unrushed and sensual experience. I explored her body (mostly her tits) before she gave a really slow covered BJ. Fucked her in the usual positions and finished in prone bone. The build up was really good and I had a great orgasm.

Lara: She's changed her hair to platinum blonde, facially stunning like Kim Kardashian, size 8, tits 30-32e, probably the most attractive WG there IMO. Really pushy on up selling FK and OWO which I declined. Refused to continue OW for longer than 10-15 seconds stating she hates the taste of condom and I should've opted for OWO as extra. Didn't want to do cowgirl for longer than 10--15 seconds either, to which I politely explained that I'm the paying customer and was having none of that bullshit. She tried giving me a bollocks guilt trip saying she thought I was a nice man blah blah blah. I made her work hard for her €60 and she rode me in cowgirl until I came. On the way to the lockers she tried disputing we've met before, I assured her that I'd even written I nice review to which she was gobsmacked that punters share this kind of info! She all of a sudden became really touchy feely and gave good parting kiss.

Rio: Short Thai lady, black hair, really smiley, size 8, 32D tits, firm muscular ass. Very hygiene focused, she made me apply anti bacterial hand gel before we started. Excellent covered BJ, sex in normal positions, really authentic sexy moans, great firm ass to grip as I fucked her from behind until I came.

Edar: Short, tanned, blonde Romanian, size 10, 34D tits, very pretty. She reeled me in with a line in panjabi which went something like "aaja meri pudi marr", which translates to "come fuck my pussy!". Delivered a slow covered BJ, she then mounted me in cowgirl and rode me perfectly upright while she cradled my balls with one hand behind her. We eventually switched to doggy and I pumped her until I came.

Sasha: Tall, slim, tanned, Russian blonde, size 8, 30-32e tits, facially stunning. She was begging me to fuck her ass but not my thing, refused up sell on other extras. Just went for basic service, covered BJ and she rode me energetically in cowgirl until I came.

I managed to make friends with a few Scandinavian punters on this trip. They all stated how much the quality of service and variety of girls had gone downhill. The lounge area was full of middle eastern WGs all with straight bleached blonde hair, look very similar to each other, most will impose their rushed routine if you don't show some balls and control the punt early on. It spoils the experience when you have to threaten to walk or haggle for basic service. I have quite particular taste so when a girl I do like does come over, then haggling for things like OWO and FK is something I'll need to improve on if I ever revisit.

There are still plenty of stunning women working there, but too many try to rush and treat you like a mug which isn't really my idea of a good time. I think most of them are just focused on punters willing to part with €100s, when that's the case I'd rather just stay in London - save money on flights/entry and at least I have a reliable selection of WG.

[Jerboa]

It’s all a game, girls trying to guilt trip you, they just want a easy life, don’t let them control a punt, there is a way of nicely but firmly taking control, the girls will soon know you’re not a pushover, as they do talk about us, though you do get some bitches who lie telling other girls you were rough or very rude.
You said the Lounge was full of middle eastern girls?

[pusfunman]

Enough time in FKK-land and you can tell a bad punt coming. One of my guides is that if the girl is suggesting a room after about 2 lines of conversation I just say "no thanks". My best punts in FKKs have generally been with a girl who's willing to have a bit of a conversation and a laugh first.

I was at Artemis earlier this year and had a pretty positive experience. Don't get me wrong I made one or two errors of judgement. But overall good. I can't remember her name but I took some blonde Belarussian girl to a room and it was one of my best punts ever. My only regret was that I'd already roomed twice that night before her and after 2 rounds with her I was spent. I would have stayed longer than the hour for sure otherwise

[sexysunny]

Yep, in the evening the lounge was packed with bleached blonde EE girls that looked so similar to each other that I had to look for distinguishing features to remember which were my plan A/B/C!

Next time I'll defo be holding out for girls that are happy to talk for a few minutes before making a move. It's just that the hottest ones turn out to have the most shit attitudes when you go to a room, I guess they know they're in demand and just want an easy life as Jerboa just said.

[pusfunman]

A trip to Berlin for me includes at least 3 nights in Artemis. Usually each night I'll punt 3 or 4 times. I'm really not surprised that I have the odd bad punt, its just statistics. Silver lining is I know who to avoid and can take at least some pleasure when she comes looking for repeat business by unequivocally telling her no. Furthermore, I've had good punts with those who don't have trouble getting the punters off to the rooms and bad with those you think "probably has to work pretty hard at this".

I'm repeating myself now, but the best ones are those that have enough brainpower to realise that you are there for a few nights and believe you when you tell them what other clubs you have been to. They understand that they can make more money by making sure there's a smile on your face after the session. Most likely you'll be sitting in the lounge tomorrow night, or maybe even later that night, trying to decide and will quite possibly go for her as a safe option. I know I have done this. Moreover, you'll quite possibly be back in a few months. Just like Jerboa said, its all a game!

Others say "you're better at Sharks/Oase/wherever". I've been other places and hang around long enough and you'll have a bad punt. Biggest thing that puts me off going back to Sharks is that "egyptian" girl - worst punting decision ever

Is Artemis more expensive, yes. Does it have some terrible WGs, yes. However in my book I prefer spending the weekend or few days in Berlin. Overall it is a much better city to be in in my mind than Frankfurt and for me much cheaper and easier to get to. If I'm savvy enough my evenings in Artemis are an enjoyable 10 hour or so affair.

[sexysunny]

Cheers funman. I naively told the girls that I was only there for 1 day, next time I'll blag I'm in town every other week for work. Also, if they don't even invest a few minutes of conversation to find this out beforehand then it's probably best to pass.