Colour and Beauty Birmingham - Revenge of the stiff

[greg101]

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Well reported on now, this will be my last note on the place as I'm never going back.

Not very long ago, in a city not far away. (Today in Brum actually).

Having not had a 'release' for over a week I decided to try and give C&B another go.  So the same rigmarole; through the entrance and past the ladies getting their nails done and down the stairs with the mirrored back wall.  And suddenly a young Chinese girl popped out of nowhere; all 3'6" of her.  "Harrow you wan massage", she had a long white blanket thing wrapped around her with weird shapes on it and she reminded me of R2-D2 and she was about the same bastard size hence the theme for the review.  I looked at her/droid/it and thought 'here we go again'.  I shook my head and said 'Anyone else on'.  Blank expression coming back at me and suddenly she thrusts her Samsung phone at me, to show me and waves it rather proudly and smiles a chess board type grin (missing teeth).  She then vomits some chinese into the phone and presses a button and hey presto "WHAT DO YOU WANT" comes back. It's my go now.  So rather than say "Save me Obi Wan Kenobi you're my only hope" for teh lolz; I say "Which other girl is available?" it speaks the Chinese version of that and then she does something remarkable.  Up until that point, I'd say she is a 3/10.  I'm no Brad Pitt but she is a 3/10 in the darkened downstairs basement.  She flicks the light on and the whole area is flooded with artificial light, bad move, R2-D2 is now in minus figures, -4/10.  She shouts something to her mate and her mate comes out of the massage room at the top and is slightly better and in the flood of light I'm giving her 4/10 max.  I then ask for another go on the translator and droidy agrees.  I then say "When is Nar Nar back", Droidy shakes her head, screams something into the translator and it says "Nar Nar no longer works here".  With that I walked back up the stairs and if that is the calibre of girls now on offer, I shall not be back.  The farce is strong with this place.

[Goldfinch]

 

[Jayd86]

At least you didn't get Jabba the Hut lol i walked past there so many times. Never would of thought they would be offering those services in such a central place. They will probably open one inside the bullring next.

[alibirmingham]

Don’t tend to go for massages etc so this isn’t a place I’ve ever thought to visit but love the review lol

Good read and thanks for having a sense of humour even though it was a shit experiance.

[minge]

‘Neutral’ seems a tad generous!!

[bearcat69]

‘Neutral’ seems a tad generous!!

Yeah, I agree, but I suppose it's fair in the sense of all he really did was walk in there, waste some time talking to Chinese R2D2 on Google translate and then walk out. So it's a bit like nothing gained nothing lost I suppose.

[bearcat69]

Though FBSM isn't really my thing, have been curious about this place for a while, as it does possibly represent a convenient option for me, but after reading your last two reviews Greg I'm thinking might not bother now. Walked passed the place more than a few times and not been able to make myself go inside... The vibe of the place, not keen on it, would hardly call it welcoming or discreet. I appreciate you go downstairs, but feels a bit too exposed to me. Not too keen on that part of town either, always lots of beggar types lingering around there.

[MarcT]

Another  episode of C&B's Wanna Wanky. 

Me thinks they will miss you Greg. 

The quest continues

[whatthedickens]

With greg 101's attitude he is lucky he didn't get a Lorena Bobbitt!
 

[The Owl]

I take it she was not the droid you were looking for? Perhaps you wanted a taller one with golden look instead.

 

I just couldn't resist.