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Author Topic: Punting on holiday - how to get away from the family  (Read 1713 times)

Offline AlwaysLooking

So we're off on the family holiday in a few weeks, so whilst in a part of the UK I'd normally not be in thought it would be rude not to think about sampling the local talent.

The part I'm struggling with is the excuse as to why on holiday I'll be to pop out for a couple of hours and take the car with me? Any suggestions.

Offline hornbill

find a film at the cinema they want to see but not you, then about 2 hours spare!

Offline conway_hound

Slow puncture in the rear nearside tyre you need to get repaired.
Back up defences, you paid the bloke in cash so no receipt...
There was a hell of a queue hence took 1 and a half hours!

Offline Cupid Stuntz

Slow puncture in the rear nearside tyre you need to get repaired.
Back up defences, you paid the bloke in cash so no receipt...
There was a hell of a queue hence took 1 and a half hours!


Done this before  :lol:?

Online Mothball15

Leave the car, if you get a ticket you're fucke?!

Excuse? Checking out local food joints.

Offline threechilliman

My advice? Don't bother, too many risks.

Offline Littlefoot

If you can find a prossie that takes early morning bookings, tell her you're going early morning sea fishing on one of them boats that takes tourists out to sea to fish. Get up early while everyone is fast asleep, try not to wake them while dressing. Go for your punt, on the way back buy some mackerel from the fishmonger, get her to fry em for breakfast. Job done.

Offline CheeseBoard

Start with, im just quickly popping out for fuel, then when you get back say you :) had to get cash out and car wasn't running well so took it for a drive to clear the engine out.  If she needs more detail, say it felt like the catalyst in the exhaust felt blocked and it needed a run to clear it.

Offline acorn50


Tell them that you have a sudden desire to try sea kayaking, but given the dangers involved best you go alone for the first time, if it all goes wrong leave your clothes on the beach and head for central America!

Offline Zimbaman

Take up photography. Golden hour is the perfect time to get out for a few hours. Trust me... they won’t want to come with you  :lol:

The only problem is... if you really do take it up... you might find it more expensive than punting  :hi:

Offline webpunter

+1
Exponentially higher
From being next to nowt to being low odds like the favourite on the nose

My advice? Don't bother, too many risks.

Offline conway_hound


Done this before  :lol:?

Yep... but she got suspicious on the 5th tyre  :D

Online notcalledchris

Bang the wife (or have a wank if that option unavailable )  and do a punt when you get back

Offline Uoti2

How about this?
"I'm just off out on my own in the car. I should be back in a couple of hours. I'm not normally in this part of the country and I want to sample the local talent, so I'm going to visit a local prostitute."

Offline yummycookie

Just find an activity the family want to do that they know you hate, then make one of many excuses such as shopping/off for a walk/going for a drive/going to a cafe/going to stay in hotel etc. They will know it is an excuse, but think the reason is to get out of a family activity not off shagging some STD riddled crack whore.

Offline timsussex

go to watch a world cup match she probably wouldn't want the kids exposed to the bad language

Punter115

  • Guest
Tell her your fuckin horny and you are just popping out to fuck this twent6 year old and you will be back in about an hour and could she have a full English breakfast cooking ......and then you woke up.   :hi:

Offline tonyvgf


Online mr.bluesky

Take a pair of binoculars with you and say you've suddenly developed an interest in bird watching and off you go.

Offline BP96

Take them to a dodgy looking greasy joint but don't sample any of the food.

They probably won't be able to venture out for the next few days so you'll be able to fill your boots.

Offline Mansell

My advice? Don't bother, too many risks.
Agreed,  often thought about it, but way to easy to go wrong on you.

Offline Derrick101

A round of golf is a good one. Or, book the OH in for a facial and a massage, then go and have one yourself. (actually done this :yahoo)

Offline JamesKW

A round of golf is a good one. Or, book the OH in for a facial and a massage, then go and have one yourself. (actually done this :yahoo)

I suppose this is a good idea if you are just a partnership,but when you have kids you need to decide what to do with them.

Offline Derrick101

Point taken. It also needed a bit of forward planning.

Offline plums

any family birthdays coming up?  You're nipping out to get them a sneaky present and you need her to keep an eye on the kids.  When you come back empty handed, you saw it cheaper on Amazon and ordered it instead.  Gives you a bit of breathing space.

Offline Jumping Jack Flash

My most recent excuse to get away from the OH on holiday  was to tell her that I’d pulled a calf muscle whilst out running and needed a sports massage. I did go for a massage but not a sports one.

Now I realise that not all guys are runners, but the pulled muscle one does work. Just limp a bit and feign extreme pain.

Offline ViperKai

My advice? Don't bother, too many risks.

+1 Too many risks mate. Not worth arousing any kind of suspicion form your other half by making up crappy excuses.

Offline bhudda

Save  the money youd spend on the punt and take your kids to a theme park or buy them an ice cream.

If you cant spend a week with wife and kids on holiday without taking silly risks to get away then consider getting divorced.

On the other hand ... if the opportunity falls in to your lap go for it ... just dont try and manufacture it.

Offline shagmore

As stated above, spend the time with wife and kids (or kids at least), be the perfect father, then when you get back say you have a lot of things to catch up on and go forth and shag for England

Offline Horizontal pleasures

On a self-catering family holiday someone has to take time off from the beach or creative loafing to buy the next week's basic foods apart from local market delicacies.

I recall a couple of times going to the huge Tesco at Newton Abbott in Devon. I found a lady on AW for a half hour punt in the neighbourhood. This was some years ago (before UKP), as the kids are grown up now but surely you could use this technique if the circumstances fit?

I look forward to a review, let this thread know if you succeed!

Offline Analist

How about saying you've discovered an old friend from school/uni lives there? Reasonable, and it's credible if you then want to meet the friend for a drink and a catch up without needing to invite the OH to tag along. Plus having a chat is open ended in duration, gives you flexibility to plan an assignation.

Offline Marmalade

Families are chains of superstition. Just assert yourself as a person occasionally, not part of a ‘group’. (i.e. grow some!

Explain you like to have some time to yourself to explore. There might even be some interesting things that you notice or think of — not including your punt — that you might want to relate. Groupthink turns people into lemmings.

Offline cash2spare

Man up and bin the wife ffs. You only married her you didn't agree to be joined at the hip!

Offline Steely Dan

Depends on your job, but I am always looking for a new job.  Have to meet headhunters.  Don't want my current employer to know clearly. So sometimes meet on holiday.  So I need to go to a hotel in the town 30 min away for a interview.  Sorry missing part of the family holiday, but I need to do the man thing and support the family.

(Could be  role play also.  HH just finds you too sexy.  Must fuck you)