You know you're a punter when...

[webpunter]

   Paris has to be the punting shit-tip capital city of Europe.  Berlin on the other hand - lets start with reasons alphabetically:  Artemis ...  Gotta see the wall 

When someone mentions a hotel, you are dying to tell them about the events the last time you visited, but instead have to pretend you are not really sure where it is.

When talking about planning a future business event in Europe, you suggest Berlin over Paris, but are almost unable to express why you were able to make this choice so easily.

[TheCape]

Someone asks how your sex life is and you talk it down.

So, so true!

[hungrypunt]

You here radio 2 advertising the young brass of the year comp, and think of your last punt

[Chuckman]

You here radio 2 advertising the young brass of the year comp, and think of your last punt

Old joke:

Went to young brass of the year last night and what a disappointment - it was full of kids playing wind instruments.

[DUX]

When you see two scantily dressed young women waiting outside a hotel in the cold you think that Sergei is running a bit late.

[webpunter]

You can spot hookers in a hotel bar a mile off.  And proceed to price em up

[2chunky2]

So much truth here.

I'll add, considering asking the Mrs for a £50 CIM BJ, because she's there.

[HornyHemel]

When you work from home and you check UKP, AW, and Twatter before thinking about checking emails etc.

[Johnbean]

Punting terms littered around perfectly innocent things in Norwich. There's a company called CIM graphics which makes me smile whenever I see it and a car with the last part of registration OWO.

Maybe I need to get out more

[Sir Lance-a-lot]

When your mind plays tricks on you, causing you to misread signs.  Like the one on a church I drove past,  ONE GOD FISTS ALL.  It actually said "fits".

[Horizontal pleasures]

When you work from home and you check UKP, AW, and Twatter before thinking about checking emails etc.

+1 but ignore Twatter.

[Horizontal pleasures]

Even when not going on a planned punt ...... You make sure you have a mixture of £10 and £20 notes in each bundle of £100 in your wallet, for those little extras that creep in sometimes so you do not have to hand over a £20 when it will be a £10ner so no need to haggle about change. Then you put the money into two different pockets so she does not see it all.

[Horizontal pleasures]

When you keep some cash stored at home in a safe place - safe from the missus - for those sudden opportunities when going to an ATM is not possible.

Without revealing the precise location as examples I have my book collection in author alphabetical order (am I anal retentive or what?) so my password-protected computer backup drive is behind some books with a B for backup. My secret gifts for a rainy day are behind the G for gifts. Etc. My extra money wallet is behind another coded letter.

[Horizontal pleasures]

You know you are a punter when you wake up next to the missus in the morning with a raging hard on. But that is because of a great punt yesterday and you recall her brilliant thighs or whatever while waking up before you realise where you are ....

[Yesterday it was indeed thighs, review will appear soon.]

[Horizontal pleasures]

You know you are a punter when you have a shower at home when you do not really need one so you can go punting with a clean smell - you have to tell the missus you just felt sweaty. Trouble is you know you will need another one after punting!

[webpunter]

I'm with you on this.  The exception is with a few of the fitter clued up AW burds who are klever enuf have twat pages.  A good source of [mostly] unshopped pics

+1 but ignore Twatter.

[fredpunter]

When a lass in some telly program takes her trousers off to reveal she's wearing a thong and you unthinkingly say to the Mrs "do no women wear proper knickers any more, they all seem to wear thongs these days" ... oops

[webpunter]

When there's a program on the TV about the sex industry & whereas pre-punting you'd be watching then now this is a non-starter.  As if the OH watches too then its a dead-cert that Q's will be forthcoming.  Usually the programmes are on quite late so i'd mention being tired after work early on after getting in.  Then suggest an earlier than usual night with some quick action.  Even if the action was declined then it was easy to toddle off to bed supposedly in a bit of a huff.  Mission accomplished - watching programme together avoided

[Horizontal pleasures]

You read the name of David Millband in the newspaper shortly after seeing this on here

Milly @ Bonds of Newcastle

and so Miliband becomes Milly @ Bonds of Newcastle in your addled punter brain, although you never went there.
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=119466.0;topicseen

[threechilliman]

When someone mentions 121 and you drift out of the conversation to think about your next punt....

tcm

[webpunter]

When someone mentions B2B meaning business-to-business.  Instantly sumfink else springs to mind ..

[ERIC_SHUN]

Can't pull two £1 coins out of my pocket without thinking of a Soho walk up maids tip! 👹

[sireel]

Your friends notice you have a weirdly comprehensive knowledge of your city's postcode areas. You just play it down.

[extraa]

When you're visiting London for a weekend with the Mrs and are devastated you're not alone. Going to be thinking about all the punts I'll be missing out the chance with whilst I'm there. Spare a thought for me 

[somefun]

You have to think about what your name is

[Home Alone]

Ur sitting in the MILFy dental hygienist's chair. She lowers it to become a couch and as she leans over you to start working on your teeth, you have to think, "I mustn't ask for some 69!"

Last Wednesday, as it happens!

[willie loman]

Ur sitting in the MILFy dental hygienist's chair. She lowers it to become a couch and as she leans over you to start working on your teeth, you have to think, "I mustn't ask for some 69!"

Last Wednesday, as it happens!

love it when my hygienist or dentist push my face against their tits when doing my teeth. Female hairdressers like to engage in a bit of frottage too.

[azrael]

Inspired by another thread on being addicted to punting I thought I would start a light-hearted one!

You know you're a punter when:

At a party you silently make a hotlist and decide how much you would pay per hour for each one.

I remember an xmas party at our works do, i was pretty hammered i stuck my hand up the bosses wifes dress and handed her £50 for a quicky. I soon got my marching orders havent touched a drop since 

[Horizontal pleasures]

When you read the ingredients of the herbal cough syrup you are taking and notice that one of them is called White Horehound. You think that would a good ID name for a punter on here ....

[Mansell]

You know you are a punter when you have a shower at home when you do not really need one so you can go punting with a clean smell - you have to tell the missus you just felt sweaty. Trouble is you know you will need another one after punting!

Yep, changed my whole routine once I started punting 

When you can walk down any street in town and tell the WG's from the girls just out for a normal night out just with a glance 

[Home Alone]

When you see a car registration that begins OW0... and it reminds you of last night/week.

... or you're overtaken by one who numberplate ends ..16MFF and you immediately start mentally reviewing who might be available.

[Dubmaan]

You find yourself smiling to yourself thinking about your last punt and have to come up with a quick cover story when your wife asks you what's so funny!!!

[Dubmaan]

You are out and about and decide to check AW for messages but do a quick scan for security cameras that may be looking or your phone.

[Horizontal pleasures]

you log in here before breakfast while the missus is still asleep.

[threechilliman]

You find yourself smiling to yourself thinking about your last punt and have to come up with a quick cover story when your wife asks you what's so funny!!!

Done that.

tcm

[threechilliman]

you log in here before breakfast while the missus is still asleep.

And that.

tcm

[threechilliman]

... or you're overtaken by one who numberplate ends ..16MFF and you immediately start mentally reviewing who might be available.

Had a long drive yesterday and played 'spot the punting plate' to amuse myself.

tcm

[Mendra]

You know how any "shower tap" works and can tell if a towel has been used by someone else.

[maxQ]

You know how any "shower tap" works and can tell if a towel has been used by someone else.

Thats why a lot of the time I bring my own towel, if you are seeing an escort in a hotel try to do the same

And yeah I can work any work any shower tap in world at this point

[WhattheFlip]

You know how any "shower tap" works and can tell if a towel has been used by someone else.

Always try to take my own if it's her hotel (and normally her place too actually), but I'm sure many punters would appreciate tips of spotting how to tell if a towel has been used by someone else! Aside from it being wet, obviously.

[webpunter]

Do you take the towel in a duffle bag ? Along with your sandwiches, flask & ordnance survey map     Just book a decent burd in the 1st place or don't have a shower ..

[WhattheFlip]

Do you take the towel in a duffle bag ? Along with your sandwiches, flask & ordnance survey map     Just book a decent burd in the 1st place or don't have a shower ..

Hotels have very few towels these days. Decent hookers know that perpetually asking for new towels might get them kicked out. Proper Incalls are different but even then you never know, maybe her washing machine's broken, shit happens. Call me old fashioned but I don't really like to rub a towel on my face that some old fart just used to dry his crusty arse with, after a half arsed quick shower, because he can only afford 15 minutes yet still turns up with cheese dick. It's been mentioned in other threads recently how appalling an awful lot of punters hygiene is. I'd love to give people more credit, but society is full of knuckle dragging fuckwits who bring everyone else down to their level, sadly.

[webpunter]

You are indeed correct.  Usually i go see massage burds & the decent ones make a point of having a pile of fluffy towels.  They must have to get a lot of service washes done.  I check em out on 1st visit & dress accordingly so i don't need a shower if this is looking iffy.  I've looked at plenty of towels & wouldn't wipe my feet on them let alone my bell-end / any other part of my body 

Hotels have very few towels these days. Decent hookers know that perpetually asking for new towels might get them kicked out. Proper Incalls are different but even then you never know, maybe her washing machine's broken, shit happens. Call me old fashioned but I don't really like to rub a towel on my face that some old fart just used to dry his crusty arse with, after a half arsed quick shower, because he can only afford 15 minutes yet still turns up with cheese dick. It's been mentioned in other threads recently how appalling an awful lot of punters hygiene is. I'd love to give people more credit, but society is full of knuckle dragging fuckwits who bring everyone else down to their level, sadly.

[Marmalade]

I will sometimes wonder how much a woman would charge if she were a WG. On some occasions this has lead to chatting her up and on at least one or more occasion fucking her. I would never pop the question of course, but merely thinking about involves taking an interest with options open.

I think it maybe stemmed from walking near the old RLD of Glasgow where art students would hang out and sometimes do tricks, or driving round an area that might have prossies but not knowing if any particular woman was a prossies. If you spoke to them you had to wait until they said, "Are you looking for business" and then and only then quickly negotiate a price.

It's like saying with very subtle body language that you might be interested but maintaining correct politeness and respectable etiquette.

Nice. 

[anonyorks]

You see a great looking girl at the train station alone with a small suitcase and wonder if that's the touring girl that has just shown up on you lr local search.

[webpunter]

Spotting the EE hookers flying home from Stanstead

[Home Alone]

You find yourself smiling to yourself thinking about your last punt and have to come up with a quick cover story when your wife asks you what's so funny!!!

Or when a text comes in from a SP confirming that she's available at the time you've asked for for your next punt!

[stevedave]

When you check your most visited websites, and the top two are UKP and AW.

[PleadInsanity]

When you check your most visited websites, and the top two are UKP and AW.

Yes, and i'm supposed to be looking for xmas presents

[LanceVance]

When you check your most visited websites, and the top two are UKP and AW.

You should really use Private Browsing.