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Author Topic: [Fake review] Jane Warner - Dorking  (Read 5214 times)

Fruit

  • Guest
Jane Warner Mystery.

I've just joined Ukp. As after googling Jane Massage I noticed lots of mentions of Jane Warner on UK punting!
I hardly ever punt but did fancy a massage, and live in the Dorking area.
I was trying to contact a Jane, after leaving a message I got a return call and made an appointment.
Took maybe 4/5 calls over a two week period.

I had seen a a lot of posts about how basically it was impossible to contact "" Jane Warner, so I assumed after reading a further post about another Jane in Dorking with dark hair/ glasses ..assumed this was who I was going to see!!..

Today the day arrived, arrived 15 mins early rang and was told where to walk to after parking.
Pretty cottage, door opened and yes to my pleasant surprise the very gorgeous pretty Jane Warner.

Up stairs we went to a small comfortable room, towels and scatter cushions on the floor.
Had a brief chat, stripped off.
Jane had a flowery slip on very pretty.
She proceeded with back and let massage ..and gently caressing my balls and chap between my legs...very nice.

As I was hard at this point I turned over she had dropped her top to expose large breasts.
No massage now straight for the fella gently wanking as I fondled her breasts.
She was sitting astride my leg and goes to girating her crutch..I suggested I should caress her!!
At this point she removed the slip, naked except for small pants, to my pleasant surprised she layed down next to me and asked me to caress her..
She was sopping very very wet and turned on..
Very small tight lady, she was hot and after literally a few minutes orgasamed all the time gently looking after me..

At this point she layed on my chest, stroking my balls and chatted for quite a while..

Back to business, up she sat proceeding to sort me out..as again I caressed her ...nice gently but firm..all sorted.

We then sat on the floor chatting I obviously knew who she was but didn't let on.. she told me about modelling days and travelling the world.

Finally I left..
Summary!!..
She is beautiful, fit !? No not really past her best..
Massage good ..no not really..wank .yep pretty good ..caressing her a bonus and she felt really good..

Cuddling chatting was cool.

Jane is a lovely lovely lady ..warm friendly and welcoming..

Oh....£60:00... from arriving to leaving I spent 1hour 45mins with her..lovely time spent..

Positive 👍👍👍


Online Jonestown

Can you supply contact details that you used, so much on rhe web is out of date.


Online Jonestown

It could be this one:

External Link/Members Only

There was some discussion on this lady a few weeks back and the conclusion was it wasnt Jane Warner.



Offline lewishamguy

Yes, but that hasnt been updated for ten years.

Perhaps email is the option for initial contact? :unknown:

Online Jonestown

Perhaps email is the option for initial contact? :unknown:

Sure, not demeaning your contribution, but history records what a torturous process it is communicating with this lady it would be good to know what route the successful OP took.

Offline Azucar D Artagnan


Her website is very welcome and i always admire Whores who are confident enough to invest and create one  :hi: Some now even have videos of themselves  :hi: :hi: :hi: but Jane's i find a little bizarre and circa 1980's Mayfair magazine !!!

Fruit

  • Guest
I think I must have just got lucky..
Bit Harsh I know but perhaps needed cash or a fella to touch..!! Or a fella to touch her...!!

Fruit

  • Guest
100% Miss Warner... And a very lovely lady too..

Online timsussex

now that is a blast from the past - she must be nearly 70 now

Offline MrMatrix

Interesting visit , would consider meeting jane Warner myself. Sounds like you had a lovely time. :hi:

Fruit

  • Guest
Ha ha... no I don't think 70... I'm guessing mid 50s..she is very lovely but as I said...past her best..
Yes I did lovely visit...she is genuinely lovely..
With a very tight , wet... girl..

Online Jonestown

100% Miss Warner... And a very lovely lady too..

Jolly good, but how did you get in touch with her ?

Fruit

  • Guest
Just googled Jane Massage Dorking..
Was convinced I was seeing a different Jane..
(Dark hair/glasses) as described by another member on a previous thread!!

Unless this was a bum steer...cos only one Jane appears!

Online Jonestown

Just googled Jane Massage Dorking..
Was convinced I was seeing a different Jane..
(Dark hair/glasses) as described by another member on a previous thread!!

Unless this was a bum steer...cos only one Jane appears!


Something hinkey here.

Online timsussex

Ha ha... no I don't think 70... I'm guessing mid 50s..she is very lovely but as I said...past her best..
Yes I did lovely visit...she is genuinely lovely..
With a very tight , wet... girl..

well 50 years ago as a teenager learning photography the magazine Amateur Photographer had a regular column by Victor Blackman and he featured photos of a then young Jane Warner - an 18 year old from Brighton

Fruit

  • Guest
As I said...
Very pretty..very lovely..
Breasts passed their best..but Ok..
Flat tummy..
Very tight...
On your arm fully dressed..would look good..

But perhaps not naked..

Leave it there I think...

Offline houseboot

As I said...
Very pretty..very lovely..
Breasts passed their best..but Ok..
Flat tummy..
Very tight...
On your arm fully dressed..would look good..

But perhaps not naked..

Leave it there I think...

You still haven't confirmed how you contacted her.

Via the gumtree advert provided by Goldfinch?


Offline RAJEC

I saw the other Jane and it’s def not Warner. Unless from looking at her website she has aged (a lot), cut her hair short and dyed it dark brown. And upped her supposedly bad communication game!!!

Offline Waterhouse

Mmmmm.... Is it just me, or does something not seem right here?

Hoping it's just me.

Online Jonestown

Mmmmm.... Is it just me, or does something not seem right here?

Hoping it's just me.

Will the real Jane Warner please stand up !

Fruit, the OP writes like a woman, so I reckon the OP is the short brown haired Jane in Dorking trying to scam us into thinking she is Jane Warner.

Offline Waterhouse

Will the real Jane Warner please stand up !

Fruit, the OP writes like a woman, so I reckon the OP is the short brown haired Jane in Dorking trying to scam us into thinking she is Jane Warner.

Re-read and tend to concur.  :unknown:

Offline Marmalade

Why do people write useless fucking crap like “she dropped her top” or “she stroked my balls”. Errrrm she’s a fucking prostitute. It would be weird and worth mentioning if she didnt.

To top it all, no contact details so probably doesn’t qualify as a review.

Paring it down:

Quote
{A girl we’ll call}Jane

I hardly ever punt (no kidding
 massage, Dorking area.
[crap comms] took maybe 4/5 calls over a two week period.

[incall] cottage {probably Dorking but who the fuck knows}

[some touching of balls and probably cock]

[topless massage, a wank and allowed fondling through her knickers]
[got a finger in her hole]


 chatted for quite a while.. [knew how to fill in the time doing fuck all]

 she sat proceeding to sort me out [we are to imagine his cock rather than psychotherapy]

sat on the floor chatting [more time wasting]

£60:00... 1hour 45mins [quite cheap although only massage and HE]

Suspect review. Sounds like she was fingering herself, imagining a punter, and writing an  advert to be posted as a ‘review’

 :vomit:


Offline DrConners


Offline Randyandy40

Well as long as she has a sweet pussy!! Al fuck her  :) :thumbsup: :)

Fruit

  • Guest
Sorry my language is not up to speed with you obvious regular punters...!!!..
Perhaps as time passes I will get more knowledgeable with your more down to earth scum phrases..

The visit was real ...I paid up my cash..
And yes had a lovely time with the #realjanewarner

If you can't except that...hey ho!! Tiff!!

And yes still curious who the other Jane dark/hair / glasses is..no sign of any advert for her working in the Dorking area!!..

Crack on lads..!!!

Offline Waterhouse


Fruit

  • Guest
You don't concur...I take it!??

Offline bobbymotors

Sorry my language is not up to speed with you obvious regular punters...!!!..
Perhaps as time passes I will get more knowledgeable with your more down to earth scum phrases..

The visit was real ...I paid up my cash..
And yes had a lovely time with the #realjanewarner

If you can't except that...hey ho!! Tiff!!

And yes still curious who the other Jane dark/hair / glasses is..no sign of any advert for her working in the Dorking area!!..

Crack on lads..!!!

i think the other one is probably angela from dorking...she advertised as velvet touch or something, but the description sounds like her,

Fruit

  • Guest
You may be correct...I believe their is an Angela.
So are we saying..the punter has totally got confused with names..!?

That said Angela... does not spell or sound much like Angela!!

Oh well.. Happy days..

Offline RAJEC

I think I may have got the names mixed up.

However...

Here is where it gets confusing: the link I posted on my ‘Jane’ review was a gumtree ad which could be wrong. But, the reason I did so was because the image on the gumtree ad was the exact same room in which I received a massage from the short dark haired spectacled lady, who we know could be ‘angela’.

The lady I called was from the h&e naturist classified pages:

External Link/Members Only

It’s the pink ad titled sensual massage (number:07946076486 - which differs to the gumtree ad)

Still, very confused as the image of her room is ingrained in my memory and sparked a huge lightbulb when I saw it on the gumtree ad but is no longer the same.

Apologise if I have caused any major problems!

Online Jonestown

This could all be resolved if the OP stated clearly, without ambiguity how he got in touch with #therealjanewarner, as is usual on UKP reviews.

Fruit

  • Guest
Haha.... it's so funny..
Go track down miss Warner..
And have a fun chat..and a wank..

She is very entertaining...

Have a great evening.. #fruit

Online Jonestown

Haha.... it's so funny..
Go track down miss Warner..
And have a fun chat..and a wank..

She is very entertaining...

Have a great evening.. #fruit

Complete tosser

Fruit

  • Guest
#jonestown  such a knob..get over yourself..

Offline houseboot

#jonestown  such a knob..get over yourself..

If there is someone who should reflect on their posts/behaviour, then I believe it is you Fruit.

Jane of Dorking attracts a lot of attention due to her past as a Page 3 model.

She confuses a lot (most) people by having a website which includes pictures which are many, many years old.

You had the opportunity to clarify some of these issues but have chosen not to.

I tend to agree with Jonestown.
« Last Edit: February 23, 2018, 10:51:33 pm by houseboot »

Offline Marmalade

#fruit


Is it a fruit fly? Is it a tattoo on the ‘delightful bosom’ of an ‘immaculate lady’ (read ‘fuckbag slag’)? is it the angelic fluff from a Harrod’s downy pillow (i.e. from their recycle bin) ...?

No?

Could it be .....



 


Hidden Image/Members Only


Fruit

  • Guest
Totally disagree ..
I have a full and honest review..
I was asked if it was Jane/ gumtree..
I confirmed it was...
What do you want her exact Address!!??

This is getting so boring..
I was only confirming miss Warner is alive and in good rude health..all I get is abuse...

What is up with you lot...

Fucking weird!!!

Offline chunky monkey

I think what's up with the good folks is that you've reported on seeing Jane Warner, the topic of many fantasies for those of a certain age, and then ducked and dived at every opportunity to give any contact details.

You finally confirmed that it was via the Gumtree advert posted by Goldfinch, but by that time the suspicions had been raised and the amateur sleuths smelled blood

If you really have found current contact details for ex page 3 girl Jane Warner then you would/should have been hoisted on shoulders and carried aloft as a hero. Instead you dicked everyone around, and consequently got the tirades of abuse that comes with that

The shame of it is that I suspect you probably did see Jane Warner, and sadly missed out on the thanks and gratitude of the collective members

Offline MrMatrix

I think what's up with the good folks is that you've reported on seeing Jane Warner, the topic of many fantasies for those of a certain age, and then ducked and dived at every opportunity to give any contact details.

You finally confirmed that it was via the Gumtree advert posted by Goldfinch, but by that time the suspicions had been raised and the amateur sleuths smelled blood

If you really have found current contact details for ex page 3 girl Jane Warner then you would/should have been hoisted on shoulders and carried aloft as a hero. Instead you dicked everyone around, and consequently got the tirades of abuse that comes with that

The shame of it is that I suspect you probably did see Jane Warner, and sadly missed out on the thanks and gratitude of the collective members
Good summation of event CM. :hi:

Online Jonestown

The gumtree ad has a map reference to a location east of Dorking out by the A24/A24 roundabout, all previous reports on Jane Warner have put her “pretty cottage” in the centre of town very close to one of the car parks. Maybe she has moved since wee dougie saw her late last year, maybe the OP here is a troll, on balance I’m deeply suspicious of any punter who fails to provide any unique new information on an SP, but prefers to draw attention to the pleasing array of scatter cushions on the floor.

Offline Marmalade

My point is...

Quote from: UKP Rules
Reviews must contain either a link, contact details or address (if publicised by the service provider).

So whether the OP is a fluffy cunt or not, my feeling is that it should be in a discussion thread not a review thread. If it is a post of general interest about a known prossie he could have added it to somebody else’s existing review, but if it’s just a post about someone uncontactable and hasn’t been reviewed and verifiably shagged then it’s of no use to other punters who might want to book her and in fact there’s even an absence of verifiable material data as to whether the OP punted her.

All in all, it doesn’t really belong in the reviews thread as far as I can see.  :unknown:

Offline Marmalade

I was only confirming miss Warner is alive and in good rude health..all I get is abuse...

Which is not a review. Not on this site anyway.

It shouldn’t be necessary to point out that when you join a forum it is your responsibility to try to understand how the forum works, not to feel you can re-shape it or that it should be re-shaped to fit your style. So basically, a new contributor is expected to join the club in spirit as well as in waffle, or else fuck off.

Offline houseboot


You finally confirmed that it was via the Gumtree advert posted by Goldfinch


No, he didn't even do that.

He just stated "correct" without identifying which of my two statements was correct.

Online Jonestown

Of course Fruit, a first time poster, could well be Jane Warner herself, taking another opportunity to wind up us poor hard working punters and keep her self esteem afloat.

Fruit

  • Guest
Haha....Will the real Jane Warner stand up... :cool: