Thanks to everyone for their input.
Just for the record I shower at least once a day, twice if I have been working out. I do karate and yoga, I work out 5 times a week on top of that. I'm the first to admit I'm not Brad Pitt but my OH isn't Angelina fucking Jolie either.
2 years ago my wife asked what I wanted for my birthday. I replied "I want us to have sex". She then got a massive strop on and said "what am I supposed to say to that?" I didn't really want her to say anything! She stormed off and didn't talk to me for at least a day. I tried to talk to her about it and she said "I'm not saying no" which is, I suppose true, shes not saying anything (especially yes). I actually told her I had been looking to see a SSP if things didn't improve (to which she didn't reply) so I guess I'm saying yes, my OH is aware of how frustrated and how much this is affecting me but I call her Cleopatra because she is the Queen of denial. If something is ignored and not talked about it doesn't exist. I know she won't go to counselling because the counsellor might suggest she compromise and that aint happening when she has everything just as she wants it. I do organise evenings out and have tried all the usual things to reignite the "spark" (they wouldn't happen otherwise) but I'm the only one making any effort, shes just so fucking passive (just like her mum, lazy bitch). Do I love her? Not any more. Does she love me, I don't know, she loves her way of life and I guess if that were put under threat she might put out but I don't want pity sex or duty sex, I strongly suspect she never really wanted me, only the chance to get married and move away from her parents and her home town. I don't think she loves or hates me, she doesn't think of me at all, but I am not going to swap all I have worked for and leave her for a one bedroom flat above a shop! I'm sure I'm going to leave but only when I have somewhere to go to.
I have had quite bad anxiety in the past (unsurprisingly) and had to use cognitve behavioural therapy, so I applied that to my situation (no counsellor needed for me!). If my wife had kept up some level of maintenance sex I would never have found punting and had the amazing experiences I have had, so I actually should be grateful to her. I also feel sorry for her because she has missed out on an amazing opportunity to share something beautiful in favour of selfish self interest. If she changed I would definitely give it another go and I live in hope she does but I'm beyond chasing, you are all correct, I should sit down with her and have a heart to heart, but surely this is a relationship ie 2 people I want some evidence that our relationsip is imporant to her, but I'm not seeing it, time for her to make an effort for a change.
Sorry if that comes across as negative, lazy and defeatist but I have tried, I know she won't. If it doesn't come from her I will always suspect she only did what she had to do out of self interest
Sorry to rant but no counsellor will change this situation. I will keep on doing what I am doing.
Merry Christmas!