External Link/Members OnlyWell, I suppose we call this hobby punting for a reason don't we? Every time we get out there, we're taking a massive punt on whether or not the girl is going to be shit/insane/a crim/a bloke/not the one you thought it would be/3 stone heavier than her pics/a druggie etc etc. This one was just plain shit.
This happened a few weeks back. I should have been alerted by the AW profile which (on re-reading it) is pushy enough to set off a few alarm bells. Looked reasonable value to me at £60 for 30 mins, but I note that Amy has bumped her hourly up by £30 and her half hourly up by £20 since I saw her - fuck knows how she justifies that. She also charges extra for CIM and Swallow but that's clearly stated on her profile, so fair enough (though not IMHO good value).
I called mid-afternoon on a Friday for a mid-evening 30 min punt and she answered after a few rings. Seemed chatty and pleasant. Told me the name of the hotel and told me to call when I got there. So far so good. All comms excellent.
Pitched up at the hotel, which was reasonable quality and located in a discrete edge of town location with plentiful parking - v anonymous. At 10 minutes to punt, I call up. No answer. Send txt. No answer. At 2 mins to punt I call again. Still no answer. Uh-ho (at this point I'm sat in the car recalling two previous negs on here for no-shows). Finally get a response at 2 mins past punt time. Amy gives me outstanding directions to get to her room via back stairs avoiding reception and card only lifts - nice touch.
Greeted in the usual hiding behind the door manner to find Amy looking a state - virtually no make up, hair a state, definitely not showered and wearing one of those totally shit £20 schoolgirl outfits, which was filthy. I didn't ask for an outfit and I really don't dig the whole schoolgirl fantasy thing. She was also a good stone heavier than her pics. I'd put her at upper end 12, maybe even 14. She's got a bit of a belly and also had a fair amount of acne on her body - eugghhhh
I head for the shower. Amy gives me a towel to use, but it is saturated and I certainly didn't fancy drying my face on some other punter's bum-crack wipings, so I use the last dry towel in the bathroom. As I dry myself, she bustles in and swills her mouth out with mouthwash - the only concession to cleanliness/preparation I think that I get in the whole punt. Out of the shower (now at 10 minutes past punt time) I stand in front of her. Amy clears her throat. On yeah, right - one of the little pushiness alarm bells her profile sets off is the insisting on up-front payment thing. She counts the money in front of me and chucks it on the table. Nice; very professional.
At this point Amy kills the mood some more by a) getting the wipes out to further disinfect my cock (I'd just showered for the second time in 30 mins FFS) and b) telling me to drop my pants and then proceeding to anoint my flaccid cock with about a pint of flavoured lube. Kind of a buzz-kill, that was. The she starts kissing me. Her profile says DFK and I can confirm that Amy does do deep, urgent, really quite sexy DFK. However after about 20 secs she drops to her knees and starts on my cock. Now call me old-fashioned but in my call with her when I made the booking, I said GFE. I interpret GFE as a bit of snogging, drift to the bed, mutual removal of clothes, a bit of kissing and mutual touching etc etc etc. Not pants down, wipes out, lube up, 30 secs of tongues followed by cock in mouth - all in under a minute. This particular ship was sinking with all hands on board.....rapidly.
I'll take time here to tell you all about how I rate a blow job. Basically if a Tom can't blow me better than my Missus, then she's fucking shit.
My Missus hates the taste of cock. Twice a year tho' (birthday and anniversary) she dutifully gets on her knees and with a massive sigh, puts my cock in her gob and (all the while complaining about the taste) gives me the worst fucking blow job known to man.
Apart from Amy's.
Yes Amy, a professional sex worker, is worse at giving head than the wife. Too much lube too often, too much hand, way too fast, not enough mouth, no tongue at all and throughout a total desperation to get the whole thing done as fast as possible. Terrible. Worst ever. Epoch-making on a biblical scale. If the Church of Scientology gave blowies, they would be this bad.
I ditch the blowie and go down on her. In fairness to the lass she had a sweet tasting, freshly shaved puss and was very responsive to RO. My position on the bed did however command a spectacular view of her large, spotty arse. Had to close my eyes to stay in the game at this point.
By now I've lost control and I'm out of ideas. I've been on the bed for maybe 10 minutes and I just want to get this whole sorry episode over with. I ask for the mac and she puts it on with her mouth (again an OK touch, but pretty much every Tom does it). She then jumps on top (unbidden) and starts riding me like a Psycho, thrusting her hips back and forward at insane pace to pretty much wank me off vaginally as fast as possible. I try to handle her boobs/suck on her nips, but she manoeuvres away. At one point I shift my weight to ease the discomfort and Amy leaps off me like a scaled cat and starts pottering around the room. "Where are you off to?" sez I, "Oh, I thought you'd finished" says Amy. Christ
She jumps back on and I just go with it and drain my spuds into the bag AFAFP. She then leaps off and starts pottering around the room again, pausing only to chuck a pack of wipes and a nappy sack at me. FFS every Tom I've ever been with at least takes the trouble to help you clean up - it's part of the ritual isn't it, like hiding behind the door?
Amy didn't use the wipes herself and made no effort at personal hygiene that I could see at all.
However as she moves around the room she expounds on (what I suspect are) two favourite subjects of hers - her hatred of boundary-pushers and of UKP. It was like listening to someone reading out forum comments from SAAFE.
By now we're 20 minutes into a 30 minute punt which (thanks to Amy), started 5 minutes late anyway. That's 20 minutes including a shower and my lost five minutes. Amy offers me a sopping towel again, but I decline and head off back to my car. It's a large hotel. Amy's room is miles from the front door and my car is another 200 yards from that, yet I'm still back in the car with 2 minutes of my allotted punt time left to go. That's right. 23 minutes from start to finish including 400 yards of walking and a good amount a traipsing about in hotel corridors. Pathetic.
Amy clearly runs her punting diary like a parlour girl, running meetings back to back to back with no shower/slippage time built in. I had the misfortune to see her at what was probably towards the end of a very busy day, which is probably why she was so dishevelled and why her outfit was dirty. Was this a case of just the two of us not clicking? No. Amy was perfectly pleasant and had the basics of being a tart down pat and I liked her as a person and treated her accordingly. She's definitely not daft either. No, I suspect that this was just a lacklustre performance at the end of a very very busy day.
None of these are valid excuses tho', she was still shit. Avoid.
Comms: 7/10 Quick answer. Easy booking. Clear directions to venue.
Venue: 7/10 Discrete chain hotel.
Looks: 4/10 OK. 30-ish girl next door type. Let down by poor presentation.
Body: 4/10 Size 12 minimum. Belly. Acne. Nice puss tho'
Cost: £60 for the half hour
Service: 3/10 Awful
Topic: Amy-Kinky (touring escort) (Read 2318 times)