External Link/Members Only or
External Link/Members OnlyExternal Link/Members OnlyExternal Link/Members Only1 hour incall, £100
Communication: by voice and text. Friendly and efficient. Native English speaker (with moderate African or just possibly Afro-Caribbean accent), so no difficulties in arranging the punt.
Location: apartment near Festival Place in Basingstoke.
Breanna's place is easy to find. Parking nearby is less easy. You can't just park on the road. There are several public pay car parks, but the closer you get to Breanna's, the smaller the car park and the greater the competition for spaces. To be fair, I should say that this was mid-afternoon on a weekday and it was also possible that there were still a few schools that hadn't restarted.
Another factor is that it's Basingstoke. That means prepare for many roundabouts and allow for unanticipated traffic delays to screw up your timing. As a result of the combination of parking difficulty and a road closure that led to a diversion via three roundabouts that my sat-nav had never heard of, I knocked at Breanna's door about two minutes late, and I'm almost never late for a punt. (Breanna didn't seem particularly bothered. Perhaps it happens a lot.)
Inside, the place was warm and spacious, and the bathroom was well-appointed and spotlessly clean. What the workroom itself looked like remains a mystery to me because it was so dark in there that I might as well have had my eyes shut. I nearly fell over twice - and that was before I had oily feet.
Accessibility: Breanna's profile mentions punters with reduced mobility and points out that she has a ground-floor massage room. True; but if you were in a chair then I don't know how you'd get up the steps to her front door with just the two of you there (which is likely, as you're punting.
AppearanceHow should I know?
Did you read the bit just a moment ago about it being dark?
If you insist on making me guess: Breanna looks like her photos, especially if you turn the brightness all the way down. She has large and shapely tits that are better than shown in her photos, but she also has quite a belly on her. Age-wise, could be anywhere from late thirties (unlikely) to sixty (very unlikely).
PersonalityProbably.
ServicesMassage, HR
It was obvious from the get-go that Breanna is a real expert at both traditional and Tantric massage. She knows ALL the techniques for turning you on and calming you down, whichever way up you are on the couch. That's why I was bitterly disappointed that she scarcely used them. Every time she did something even vaguely pleasing, she almost immediately stopped doing it and went back to doing something uninteresting for much longer. This wasn't tease and denial, it was crime and punishment. Working her hands slowly up my legs? Great! Then back to near my knees for another few minutes. Oil down the crack? Now we're getting - oh, no, she's working my shoulders again for ages. Sudden reachunder? Fab! Now we're - but that lasted all of five seconds and then she literally didn't go near my cock or balls again until turnover time about ten minutes later (might even have been longer).
As the massage progressed and it became clear that things were not progressing as they should, I tried indicating what was enjoyable, and by this I mean not just wriggling or going "mmmm" but actually saying out loud, "That's nice." I even pretended to like a few of the non-sexual but plausibly comfortable bits of massage, such as when she worked on my feet.
Nothing helped: Breanna just blatantly ran down the clock, choosing the least enjoyable things (e.g. pressing my lower back with her elbows) to pass the most time. Then she asked me to turn over, went straight for the todger and finished me in short order.
Out of the hour-long session, I enjoyed about forty seconds; and none of that was the minimalist lingam massage and hand finish, which I actually found harsh and unpleasant.
Auxiliary servicesI know that some of m'learned UKP colleagues approach any massage with a view to seeing how far beyond the basic provision of massage they can go. I don't, so I didn't ask about anything more. Breanna is careful to say in her ad that she's offering only a massage and HR. Still, for the record, NONE of the following happened, or was offered, discussed, mentioned or referred to in any way: FK, tits in the face, invitations to grope various parts, fingering, OWO, RO, 69, full-on covered shagging.
During the sessionNo interruptions.
No clock-watching.
Gave me her full attention throughout.
Gave me the full hour. Just a shame most of it was boring or even unpleasnat.
After we finishedBreanna wiped me down, waited for me to shower again, chatted minimally while I dressed, guided me through the literal and metaphysical gloom to the inner door and asked me to make sure the outer one was properly shut behind me. Very apposite.
SummaryPros: safe; clean; straightforward booking; native English speaker; decent tits; no interruptions; clearly very skilled and experienced
Cons: calculated and deliberate gross under-delivery of primary service; de facto time-wasting; parking issues
Would recommend to others? No.
Would I see her again? No.
