Bit of a sticky situation that I’ve found myself in

[billybob69]

So here’s the situation; I’ve recently moved back to a place where I have lived for many years. When I moved back there I started punting for the first time and met a nice hooker (we’ll call her H) which I’ve visited a couple of time already. H is a really nice lady and we have genuinely clicked. Ohh, and the sex isn’t bad either.

Whilst I have been away for a few years I have maintained contact with a core group of friends and have started to slowly mix with them again. The core group of friends has remained the same, but a few people have joined the group. One of my old friends was telling me about a newish member of the group and how lovely she is etc and that she is looking for a boyfriend, lives close by and that she thinks that we would be a great couple. She shows me a photo of the girl, and you’ve guessed it, it’s H!

There is no chance of avoiding it, at some point we are going to be together in some social gathering or we might even just bump into each other in the street. H even works at an establishment where I will need to visit regularly.

So what you fellow punters do in this situation?

The second bit is, I really like this girl. I think that she likes me and she is looking for a boyfriend. So would you consider, gulp, starting a relationship with a hooker / ex-hooker (alternatively would she consider starting a relationship with someone who pays for sex)?

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi’s you're my only hope!

bb69

[mh]

You know what she does, she knows you know. She knows you're a punter and you know she knows.

If you fancy her, get along and you're happy to date a WG you could see whether she's up for the same. There's a good chance it won't happen or won't work for one of you, but it's up to you if you want to give it a go.

I don't think I could deal with it, personally speaking, but many WGs have partners so some men obviously can.

[Matrix]

Pre-empt it and ask her out the next time you see her.

When she asks "how much are you paying me?" You'll quickly get over it.

When you finally meet up in the real world, you'll both know exactly where you stand. 

[lewisjones23]

tempted to call bullshit on this but theres that many of them that get posted, one is bound to have actually happened

pointless asking for advice as only you know if you can handle it

for what its worth id shag the life out of her then run - pointless getting too involved when she's noshing off other fellas all day

[Rocket Scientist]

If you became an item, would you expect H to stop working as an escort and just as importantly would H be happy to stop?

[mediumjoe]

 You're going to have to speak to H about this, and soon because you can guarantee she'll be at the next meeting of you all , and being pushed in your direction .     Probably best if you both say there is no attraction between you and keep paying her for sex.
 In the long run any other course of action is bound to end up in you both being exposed.  Joe

[Home Alone]

It does occasionally work.

About 10 years ago, my then-Regular asked if we could meet one lunchtime at a pub near me - although we were client & Escort, we had also become friends and met 'socially' from time to time - as she had something to tell me.

Which was that she had retired with effect from a couple of days previously because she and another of her clients were getting into a relationship & going to move in together. Needless to say, I was gobsmacked but 10 years on, not only are they still together, but they're married and, as far as I can tell - the three of us meet up perhaps 2 or 3 times a year - are still as strong as they were 10 years ago.

From my perspective as the spectator in that situation, I'd say that the OP and the woman in question would need to establish ground rules very early on as to the nature of their relationship.

Oh, and perhaps a quick flick through the E.A.S. thread on here wouldn't go amiss so that you don't make the mistakes too many of us, including me  , have made.

[RedKettle]

Which was that she had retired with effect from a couple of days previously because she and another of her clients were getting into a relationship & going to move in together. Needless to say, I was gobsmacked but 10 years on, not only are they still together, but they're married and, as far as I can tell - the three of us meet up perhaps 2 or 3 times a year - are still as strong as they were 10 years ago.

OK so I have to ask.....when you meet them 2 or 3 times a year is it just for a coffee/lunch or do you get to still podge her?? 

[hungrypunt]

No, Id just still pay to fuck her.

[billybob69]

Thanks all for the replies.

tempted to call bullshit on this but theres that many of them that get posted, one is bound to have actually happened

pointless asking for advice as only you know if you can handle it

You’re more than welcome to call bullshit on it if you like! I’ve seen many similar situations overseas i.e. man meets Thai bar (working) girl, man falls for Thai bar girl. Some ‘sponsor’ the girl, others marry her and bring her (and the kid) over, she then cleans him out and returns home. Others (I assume) live happily ever after. But this is a different situation; in this case she is over here, is European and we are meeting more as equals.

I don’t think that it is just a question of whether *I* can handle it (i.e. dating a working girl / former working girl), but also *how* I handle the current situation, hence my question.

If you became an item, would you expect H to stop working as an escort and just as importantly would H be happy to stop?

That is definitely a major issue. I know that the main motivation for doing to this is to earn enough money to “better herself” and also to support her parents in old age, so she might not be happy to stop. At the moment, I’m not sure how I would handle the “how was your day at work, darling”? type situation.

Which was that she had retired with effect from a couple of days previously because she and another of her clients were getting into a relationship & going to move in together. Needless to say, I was gobsmacked but 10 years on, not only are they still together, but they're married and, as far as I can tell - the three of us meet up perhaps 2 or 3 times a year - are still as strong as they were 10 years ago.

From my perspective as the spectator in that situation, I'd say that the OP and the woman in question would need to establish ground rules very early on as to the nature of their relationship.

Oh, and perhaps a quick flick through the E.A.S. thread on here wouldn't go amiss so that you don't make the mistakes too many of us, including me  , have made.

Thanks for the reply. It does help to give a different perspective.

No, Id just still pay to fuck her.

So your suggesting that I marry her :-) ;-)

[Home Alone]

OK so I have to ask.....when you meet them 2 or 3 times a year is it just for a coffee/lunch or do you get to still podge her??

And why do you "have to ask", RedKettle?

Re-read the last couple of lines of the post you quoted & work it out 4 yourself.

[mh]

And why do you "have to ask", RedKettle?

Re-read the last couple of lines of the post you quoted & work it out 4 yourself.

Ah! So you just watch them fuck... 

From my perspective as the spectator in that situation

[Jeff_withpetersen]

Just in case you're not a troll, I'll answer honestly:

1) Probably best you not see her again as an escort. It's unlikely she'll want to be outed as an escort so she probably won't out you either. Might be a good idea to avoid situations with a lot of alcohol and loose tongues involved.

2) What makes you think she'd want to be in a relationship with you? She might see 20 blokes a week, are you sure you're the one she'd choose to be in a relationship with if she could?

Personally I would get in to a relationship with a WG but i can't fully properly answer that as I'm already in a relationship so it's more a hypothetical for me.

[smiley9]

If she wanted a BF would she really go for a guy who she knows uses WGs ? 

[webpunter]

I'd give it a go.  But go in with your eyes open & expect that things will go pear-shaped.  Anything better is a bonus.  Not a burd who you are going to settle down with in reality.  But this shouldn't stop you seeing how things go in an environment where you get intro'd by mutual friends.  This is different to you or her asking the other - what about going out ? etc.  She's gonna be equally conscious of being labelled a hooker as you being a punter.  The fall out for her is more potentially more damaging for her than you.  Least you know she's a top shag - well she should be.  Some of the time - although her sex drive will be lower than if she weren't getting sausage all day
I knew a burd years ago & knew that she was an escort a few years before that.  She didn't know that i knew.  Wouldn't have stopped me seeing her as she'd packed up.  There are plenty of women [in London] who are young & attractive, have no real jobs [promotional work seems to be what they say they do] & have a nice apartment / motor.  I'd describe them as party girls.  With a history of wedged up boyfriends who lavish them with gifts.  The only difference is that they don't get paid by the hour

[sparkus]

Are you or H not more worried that the basis of your past 'involvement' will become known to your social circle(s)? I would be.

[Randy Mcknob]

If you post up her profile someone local could go give her one and report back.  If she gives of the you could be my BF vibe to others you know you've maybe misjudged the situation.  You'd also get clearer about your feeling about her working if you read discussions of her here.

[webpunter]

+1   getting shagged senseless.  Especially if a UKP'er decides to have an extended rimming session.  Might put you off DFK 
But as a civvie shag, given that would pay for it with her [& go punting] i don't see much difference
Just don't expect a BF-GF relationship to work

You'd also get clearer about your feeling about her working if you read discussions of her here

[kamu]

The second bit is, I really like this girl. I think that she likes me and she is looking for a boyfriend. So would you consider, gulp, starting a relationship with a hooker / ex-hooker (alternatively would she consider starting a relationship with someone who pays for sex)?

Id consider billybob not talking billybollocks and returning to mumsnet to talk about the menopause .

[Sir Lance-a-lot]

Personally I'd have no problem dating a WG.  If the OP doesn't either, then why not?

But if you DO have a problem with that, then DON'T ever ask her to give up being a WG.  That's just being a dick, and if she has any sense she'd dump you immediately for that.

As you're not basing this on any actual move from her, but only on hearsay that she's "looking for a boyfriend", this could be wishful thinking.  Maybe she'd like one, but not you!

But if your friends are trying to fix you up with her, then you need to contact her and warn her.  Otherwise, when she suddenly finds out that her "blind date" is a client, that could go badly in a number of ways.  Maybe she will say something indiscreet in front of others without thinking.  Or maybe she'll think you're a stalker who planned this.

Looks like you only have one option here: contact her and tell her.  You could mention that you'd be up for it if she's interested, but say you're OK with continuing as a client if she doesn't go for it.

[Randy Mcknob]

Id consider billybob not talking billybollocks and returning to mumsnet to talk about the menopause .

I thought the same initially, but he's been a member since before Mumsnetgate. 

[kamu]

I thought the same initially, but he's been a member since before Mumsnetgate.

Hagsnet has been around longer than 6 months. Possibly a sleeper profile?

[webpunter]

What was that - ParisB ?

Mumsnetgate.

[overdone]

If she's the best shag ever - you could be getting it for free. If that's something you fancy? She can't really say that's £ when you both head back home in front of everyone else can she?

[Bud$]

It does occasionally work.

About 10 years ago, my then-Regular asked if we could meet one lunchtime at a pub near me - although we were client & Escort, we had also become friends and met 'socially' from time to time - as she had something to tell me.
Which was that she had retired with effect from a couple of days previously because she and another of her clients were getting into a relationship & going to move in together. Needless to say, I was gobsmacked but 10 years on, not only are they still together, but they're married and, as far as I can tell - the three of us meet up perhaps 2 or 3 times a year - are still as strong as they were 10 years ago.
From my perspective as the spectator in that situation, I'd say that the OP and the woman in question would need to establish ground rules very early on as to the nature of their relationship.

Me too, I know of a relationship like that as well. I know them well in fact. They have 2 children together. She doesn't work anymore (well, I don't think so anyway) but she did after they were married for about 3 years, until they could pay off their entire mortgage - yes, that's how much she used to earn - and he was ok with that.

[Norbut]

I (sort of) find myself with the opposite situation, in that my OH is now regularly demanding money for sex.   Its not that case that she used to be a WG (as far as I know) and she would be offended if anybody thought that of her.  It is tempting sometimes, but would ultimately be a bit awkward to point out that there is far better value to be had elsewhere with ladies who are younger, prettier, cleaner, more enthusiastic and don't try to make me feel like dirt.

My point is that the distinction between girlfriends and prostitutes is not one of black and white.

[fredpunter]

I (sort of) find myself with the opposite situation, in that my OH is now regularly demanding money for sex.   Its not that case that she used to be a WG (as far as I know) and she would be offended if anybody thought that of her.  It is tempting sometimes, but would ultimately be a bit awkward to point out that there is far better value to be had elsewhere with ladies who are younger, prettier, cleaner, more enthusiastic and don't try to make me feel like dirt.

My point is that the distinction between girlfriends and prostitutes is not one of black and white.

how much does she charge?

[GoodIdea]

There is always the possibility that she wont want to see you as a boyfriend. If it were me id mention to her that you have friends in common at the start of your next booking and take it from there.

[DrConners]

how much does she charge?

        

[Dorsetpunter]

My point is that the distinction between girlfriends and prostitutes is not one of black and white.
[/quote]

Once the GF become the wife I think you will find that most WG's are cheaper per shag.

[Norbut]

how much does she charge?

Way more than she's worth, and the service was worse than my worst punt ever.  Actually, I only ever agreed to paid her once, but it was worth it because it made me feel completely free to explore other pastures without any remaining traces of guilt.

Once the GF become the wife I think you will find that most WG's are cheaper per shag.

That is so true in so many cases.

[5th Musketeer]

If you became an item, would you expect H to stop working as an escort and just as importantly would H be happy to stop?

+1
Clearly this is the fundamental issue.  If I found myself in a similar circumstance and she said 'yes' I could do so.

[billybob69]

Id consider billybob not talking billybollocks and returning to mumsnet to talk about the menopause .

If you look at my post history, I’m quite knowledgeable on Pattaya, Thailand for your average mumsnet contributor don’t ya think?

Thanks all for the comments.

Just in case you're not a troll, I'll answer honestly:

1) Probably best you not see her again as an escort. It's unlikely she'll want to be outed as an escort so she probably won't out you either. Might be a good idea to avoid situations with a lot of alcohol and loose tongues involved.

2) What makes you think she'd want to be in a relationship with you? She might see 20 blokes a week, are you sure you're the one she'd choose to be in a relationship with if she could?
 

Yes at the moment there is allot of conjecture on my part. Yes, it feels that there was a connection there, but I can’t guarantee that it just part of her “Girlfriend Experience” that she provides to all her customers. Similarly I don’t know if she would want to date a guy that pays for sex or even date myself. I guess it was me doing what I normally do, of over thinking it through.

So, yeah I think that not seeing her again as an escort is probably the best thing to do. At least I have got some protection for myself in that I could say that I don’t normally go with escorts, I did it just the once, to see what it was like etc, etc

I think that I need to make her aware that we do have common friends, so that there is no difficulties when we do finally see each other in a social situation.

Thanks all. Over and out.

bb69

[kamu]

If you look at my post history, I’m quite knowledgeable on Pattaya, Thailand for your average mumsnet contributor don’t ya think?

Im not really bothered what your knowledgable on. Your op just sounds like a complete load of croc or at the very least a twisted case of EAS and just generally fluffy shite. In the unlikely event that you are genuine then stop being such a fucking wet wipe and make a move. Although it will be interesting to know her response when your not paying her hourly rate.

[Horizontal pleasures]

If you became an item, would you expect H to stop working as an escort and just as importantly would H be happy to stop?

and would she expect you to stop punting and would you be happy to stop?

Or the converse for both of you, would you be happy with a happy hooker and would she be happy with a punting man?

[Horizontal pleasures]

So here’s the situation; I’ve recently moved back to a place where I have lived for many years. When I moved back there I started punting for the first time and met a nice hooker (we’ll call her H) which I’ve visited a couple of time already. H is a really nice lady and we have genuinely clicked. Ohh, and the sex isn’t bad either.

Whilst I have been away for a few years I have maintained contact with a core group of friends and have started to slowly mix with them again. The core group of friends has remained the same, but a few people have joined the group. One of my old friends was telling me about a newish member of the group and how lovely she is etc and that she is looking for a boyfriend, lives close by and that she thinks that we would be a great couple. She shows me a photo of the girl, and you’ve guessed it, it’s H!

There is no chance of avoiding it, at some point we are going to be together in some social gathering or we might even just bump into each other in the street. H even works at an establishment where I will need to visit regularly.

So what you fellow punters do in this situation?

The second bit is, I really like this girl. I think that she likes me and she is looking for a boyfriend. So would you consider, gulp, starting a relationship with a hooker / ex-hooker (alternatively would she consider starting a relationship with someone who pays for sex)?

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi’s you're my only hope!

bb69

have you written a review of an encounter with H?

[peestee]

and dont forget:

if you stay together, you dont have to lie about how u met.

she was introduce you by a friend

[fredpunter]

If you enjoy shagging her then best not to rock the boat cos that'll soon end once you're wed.

Even if it carries on it won't be the same. A lass who responded to my first ever rb had watersports  (receiving) on her likes list and although it wasn't something I was desperate to do she virtually insisted I peed on her. I asked after what she enjoyed about it and she said she sort of liked being shamelessly dirty with strangers but she would never let a boyfriend do it in a million years cos that would be like he was disrespecting her. They're weird creatures.

[Grumpy Pumpy]

Even if it carries on it won't be the same. A lass who responded to my first ever rb had watersports  (receiving) on her likes list and although it wasn't something I was desperate to do she virtually insisted I peed on her. I asked after what she enjoyed about it and she said she sort of liked being shamelessly dirty with strangers but she would never let a boyfriend do it in a million years cos that would be like he was disrespecting her. They're weird creatures.
[/quote]

Aint that the truth. There's nowt so queer as (women)folk

[Thecunninglinguist]

Without it going as far as a case of EAS, I would imagine that most of us at some time or another, maybe if you are having a coital chat or a coffee with a WG you have just had a great time with have thought "Yes I think this could work for me". Maybe it could. I think many, me included could actually accept the job she does and genuinely successfully overcome it. However I think that over 90% could not accept her continuing in that line of work if there was a relationship between them. That's the difference.
I for one, whilst I don't criticise a man who does accept it, I can't understand it.

[Llareggub]

Tough one, and I have this particular T shirt.

From my own perspective, 'went out' with a WG, got laid without paying. I knew she was a WG, had paid her previously
Things developed, and I was happy to live with a EX WG and she was happy to live with an EX punter.

First Question,would you be happy waking up next to her each morning.

A punt and a relationship are two totally different things, and you cant mix them, although you can make the transition if that what you BOTH want. if she had even mentioned me paying after that first time as more traditional date I would have headed for the hills.

My own advice, nothing venture, nothing have, but set some very clear lines in your own mind, and if these lines are crossed then run, fast, dont get dragged down. I think you need to have a 'talk' if things do look like they are going to be more than punter - pro, if shes interested she will listen and contribute, ask her what she wants out of a possible relationship, if you are on the same wavelength good, if not then youve dodged a bullet, move on before it gets awkward.

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who is currently working as a pro. But other views exist and I would never judge.

[Home Alone]

Tough one, and I have this particular T shirt.

From my own perspective, 'went out' with a WG, got laid without paying. I knew she was a WG, had paid her previously
Things developed, and I was happy to live with a EX WG and she was happy to live with an EX punter.

First Question,would you be happy waking up next to her each morning.

A punt and a relationship are two totally different things, and you cant mix them, although you can make the transition if that what you BOTH want. if she had even mentioned me paying after that first time as more traditional date I would have headed for the hills.

My own advice, nothing venture, nothing have, but set some very clear lines in your own mind, and if these lines are crossed then run, fast, dont get dragged down. I think you need to have a 'talk' if things do look like they are going to be more than punter - pro, if shes interested she will listen and contribute, ask her what she wants out of a possible relationship, if you are on the same wavelength good, if not then youve dodged a bullet, move on before it gets awkward.

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who is currently working as a pro. But other views exist and I would never judge.

For a punter who isn't in this situation but, because of E.A.S., used to think he was, the word I've put in Bold is, imo, crucial.

[jeanphillipe]

When you said you were In a sticky situation, I thought you had stepped in cum or something.

Re your post: would you really want a relationship with a girl who swallow cum for a living. Bit hypocrotical I know but there you are..

[Malvolio]

OP - I would suggest that the WG is just mentioning that she wants a boyfriend as an explanation of her single status.  Do you think your friends really know what she does for a living?

[stevethebroker]

I think some of the replies have long term vision in view, if you like her why not give it a try. It doesn't matter whether if she is marriage material and you can worry about that later on. Im sure discretion to her is more paramount to her than to you.

If words gets out that you see escorts big deal, people might talk about it for a while and forget about it. But if she gets found out she works as an escort, people will never stop talking about it. So I highly doubt she will out you in a social environment if you don't out her

[Jeff_withpetersen]

The seeing her as a WG thing is actually meaningless when you think about it, unless she has CCTV footage/photos you in the property as a punter. Could always deny it as bullshit.

So I think this comes down to the point I expressed previously - she might be giving the same GFE to 20 blokes a week or more, unlikely that you're the one she'd choose to be with forever. No offence meant, just simple probability.

[BlueRock]

If a WG wants you for more than a client she will find excuses to contact you. "Will you make a fake booking to boost my feedback", "I'm free at our usual time" or any other excuse. Had it a few times. I've had compliments been given minor gifts even. Unless they are retired then I take it as drumming up business. When they tell you a load of personal information or keep in touch when they retire then I assume its more genuine and its a lot rarer but it does happen belive me i know. Especially if you tend to see ladies around your own age.  More a case of if you can live with a ladies past some WGs I've chatted to are a fuck sight better than civvies I've dated and at least you know the sex is liberated.

[Home Alone]

If a WG wants you for more than a client she will find excuses to contact you. "Will you make a fake booking to boost my feedback", "I'm free at our usual time" or any other excuse. Had it a few times. I've had compliments been given minor gifts even. Unless they are retired then I take it as drumming up business. When they tell you a load of personal information or keep in touch when they retire then I assume its more genuine and its a lot rarer but it does happen belive me i know. Especially if you tend to see ladies around your own age.  More a case of if you can live with a ladies past some WGs I've chatted to are a fuck sight better than civvies I've dated and at least you know the sex is liberated.

I don't want to post just '+1' in reply to this post; I'd rather say there's a lot in BlueRock's post that chimes with my experiences - both good and bad [E.A.S.].

[timsussex]

A free shag - go for it but while I and others might fantasise about a long term relationship and being OK with dating a WG I worry that at some stage during a row I'd probably throw it in her face

[webpunter]

Why wait for a row ? 

I worry that at some stage during a row I'd probably throw it in her face