Those new to the place will find it located on Harrison St which is just around the corner from the Orchid. Website -
External Link/Members OnlyThose who have been before will know that it is a lucky dip (or unlucky dip depending if your birth sign falls into the wrong constellation on the day of your visit). I have had some good visits but always manage my expectations by imagining going up to reception and seeing a 50year-old walrus with hairy paws. That way I am rarely disappointed. With this in mind I arrived about lunchtime and greeting me at reception was…. yes you've guessed it, the walrus with hairy paws albeit a bit younger than 50. Needs must so I booked an hour thinking that at least a good massage was on the cards. Alas not to be.
I was taken upstairs and waited for what seemed ages having already made a visit to the toilet. Eventually she came in and turned out to be as rough as a donkey's arse in manner as well I should add which didn't help the ambience.
Now for the worst massage I have had for a long time. I was covered from neck to knees in a towel and had my arms pummelled and rubbed in a rough way certainly not erotic or sensual. Next she pulled back the towel and began swishing her hands at 300mph across my shoulders that made my hair stand on end. As if that wasn’t poor enough the next was worse. She actually climbed onto my back. Those of you who have an air matrass will laugh when I tell you that I felt like one being emptied of its air with her bulk on my back. She then crawled up and down, how my spine didn’t crack is a mystery for M.Poirot to solve. Having survived this ordeal she rolled off and started on my legs. This consisted of moving the towel and kneading and rubbing. There was little attempt to caress and massage and less attempt to tease. She never reached the top of my thighs and kept well away from my bum which was always covered by the towel so no cc swipes. The massage on the front was non-existent. When sat between my legs doing my head she mentioned HE. I said yes and we agreed on £20. Now for another bomb. Instead of being next to me she parted my legs and crouched between my feet ruling out any touching on my part. That is a huge let down for me. They always remain clothed but at least most let you touch them but not her. The HE itself was also poor, no better than a rub and tug. She grabbed me with one hand and then with a finger of the other kept ramming it against the base of my balls. I am sure she kept muttering something like fuck me or something like that, the thought of which didn’t help the old man to do its job. She was clearly in a rush and after only a few seconds tightened her grip around the base of my cock then dragged it up and down (the hand that is). Eventually her yanking and my dreaming of being with someone else did the trick. Despite the fact that only 45 minutes had gone I decided to dress and leave despite her offer of a further battering.
I did wonder if there was any merit in writing this as I didn’t get her name and the staff seem to change all the time anyway, but thought that it does serve as a reminder that these places are hit and miss. With no regular staff you never know what the service is going to be like. I will return, mainly because there aren’t other walk-in options and hope that I have better luck next time.
