External Link/Members OnlyThis is my first review on here and actually I am embarrassed to admit shows my inexperience and punting naivety. I was in Edinburgh last week on business and due to the stresses and strains of work, I fancied a proper massage. I'd had a wank that morning, so I was more interested in good massage than getting my hole.
Comms:
Phoned Lisa at short notice, her English was just about passable, had to get her to text me the address as I couldn't understand her thick Thai accent.
Location.:
Fairly centrally located flat in Tollcross area, 5 mins walk from Princes St. Dingy close, but nice enough flat inside, clean and tidy.
Looks:
On entering the flat i was met by a squat, fat little Thai burd wearing a tacky French Maids outfit. It was the same girl as the photos only more unpleasant looking. Admittedly even in the AW photos she is not particularly pretty, but the little pug nosed trout that greeted me at the door was fatter, uglier and older than her pics suggest. I wasn't really that bothered because I was looking forward to a nice relaxing oil massage, I naively thought that I might get a tug at the end if I asked nicely.
I had agreed to half an hour at 40 quid before hand. I handed her 20 quid I had in one pocket and before I could get the other 20 quid out the other she snapped that I was short! Told me to get undressed however, wrongly believing her to be a reputable masseuse I left my boxers on. She told me "take pants off, I wank". Off the pants came and I lay down on the bed.
What followed was the shittest massage I've ever had, she lightly rubbed my back for a minute, my arse cheeks and tickled under my balls for a minute before telling me "I horny, wanna fuck". The massage was so shit I agreed and she got naked and bent over doggystyle on the bed.
The sight of her naked body was not especially appealing, her tits were small considering she is a bit of a fattie, and her belly was big, even her pussy was quite chubby. I must admit, she has a nice arse and the sight of her bent over had me hard in no time. On with the johnny and started fucking her doggy. I guess she has quite smooth tanned skin, which is one of the only positives I had to focus on.
Her pussy was tight and felt amazing. She was giving out the old fake moans and deep breaths as I entered her. I began to pummel away happy enough, but she was clearly finding the deep penetration painful and so I suggested she lie on her back with her legs over my shoulders and pummelled away for another couple of minutes until she faked an orgasm.
I am pretty sure she faked it, I did feel pussy contractions on my cock (which I realise she may have faked) and it was noticeably wetter. The jury's out whether she came or not, but I am 99 percent sure she faked the orgasm. (not that I give a fuck anyway)
I then lay on the bed and wanked off while she sucked my balls and tickled my arse until I shot my load.
Asked how long I had left, she replied "2 minutes", I couldn't be bothered hanging around so I decided to leave.
As I was leaving she had the cheek to ask me to change the light bulb in her hall, I joked that I normally charge 40 quid for that, which did not even crack a smile on her little po face. Changed the lightbulb and got out of there, after being warned to be quiet on the way out.
Out on the street I decided to check my phone for the time which showed I had been in there for barely 20 Minutes! Lesson learned, school boy error, not to be repeated.
If you are looking for a shit massage, and soul destroying unsatisfying sex, I can really recommend Lisa. If not, give her a miss.
Now, let the slagging commence!
Topic: Thai Hot Oil Lisa Edinburgh (Read 3163 times)
