Ye gawds we all work differently.
I'm no prude, but I can not go from 0-60 in a second and I refuse to fake that. I've also found that a lot of gentlemen are like that too. Depending on how the gentleman sounds on the telephone prior to meeting depends on whether he will get a kiss (peck), hug, simply a light touch on the arm/shoulder etc. Not every chap is a seasoned punter and rushing in can alarm them. A seasoned punter can always take the plunge first, after all it is his time.
I like a quick cuppa (caffeine whore) or glass of something (those I am visiting are told so too lol) as often we are rushing around prior (both parties) and we need some time to settle in to the environment and bounce off of each other a little bit. I make it quite clear that chit chat prior and after is on my time, not theirs so they do not feel they are losing sexy time. I find that offering up that time in order to become more acquainted means that the time getting dirty flows better and if anyone falls of a bed/wacks the other in the face/has a coughing fit/whatever, you can smile or laugh it off easier if you have already had a giggle, it helps awkwardness.
To the OP, when I used AW initially I found a few of my gents used to read my long profile and interview (bless). They would pick up on things and would use them to spark up a conversation or would give me a pack of malted milk biscuits (I found amusing and sweeter than an expensive gift) as I am a sucker for them. Now they may even pick up things to natter about from blog posts etc. Yes, whilst it is MY job to make them feel at ease, it is certainly appreciated when effort is made from the other side.
You are paying for the time and if you are not the type of gent who doesn't want to anonymously shag for an hour and bugger off immediately then so be it, take a bit of control and set the pace yourself. I know I am bloody lucky with my regulars, so perhaps the ladies you have seen are used to gents who simply want to pop and run.