I can only say that this lady will appeal to necrophiliacs with money to burn, I apologise if Totton is not in the South West.
If you care to look at the pictures you see a voluptuous blonde, perhaps no longer in her first youth, but quite acceptable.
If you then read on you may feel the loins stirring - as mine did - at the thought of seeing her with her young Indian girlfriend and decide it's a good deal at £160.
That was the best part of the experience really. I was a little concerned that the lady sounded a bit wheezy and, well, older than the claimed 50 - but as usual lust prevailed.
I don't drive and had come down from Bristol. The lady told me I'd have to take a taxi from Totton station. What I didn't realise and she didn't say was that there ARE no taxis at Totton station. So it took me 20 minutes to get one. When I did the guy took me to the wrong address to start with, but eventually we got there.
I was seriously late by then, parted with £160 and was greeted with the information that they thought I was a no show and they'd have to hurry. I was also greeted with the horrifying knowledge that either the wheezing woman I saw was the mother of the 50 year old promised or had aged 30 years since the photos were taken.
On the other hand the Indian lady was gorgeous, chirpy and friendly as well as apologetic about the rush - but she did indeed rush off at a great rate of knots.
Well, that was the a quickest session I've ever had. The aged crone rushed me out - keeping the money but saying she'd see me right later and that she had another punter any minute - not true as I had to hang around outside waiting for a taxi back and no one else rocked up to the front door of doom.
Now the plot thickened. I then got this message the next day:
I feel I owe you an explanation and an apology as our meeting on Monday was such a disaster!
Leila genuinely had to leave to collect the courtesy car by 5.00 pm, she had borrowed a car to come out to and had been waiting ages as I had expected you around 3.45. We had gone for something to eat whilst waiting for you which was the first proper food I had eaten since the sickness virus I'd had in Dartford. Well no sooner than we had got back to my house I was hit with the most excrutiating pains in my gut! I took some gaviscon which temporarily relieved them but whilst you were there I was in desperate need for the loo & not to pee and the pains were back! I was too embaressed to say anything and the bathroom as you noticed is right next to the bedroom. That was why I was so quiet and was trying to get rid of you as quick as I could.
I feel really bad about the whole situation as I'm not into ripping people off so as way of apology I'm offering a 45 mins session with both of us for £100 and I will collect and take you back from Totton train station. I hope this compensates and you will make the trip once again.
The bit about not into ripping people off was a joke. As I pointed out, if she'd told me there were no cabs at the station it would have helped but added:
"I would be interested to try again, but perhaps your offer is not quite as good as you may imagine.
What it works out at is: £160 for 20 rushed minutes + £100 for 45 minutes = £260 for 65 minutes."
Well, having let me down and concealed the fact that she looked like the living dead she came back with another "offer" which I won't bore you with - but again it added up to more than her usual rates. When I pointed this out there was no reply.
This is only the second time I can recall really being ripped off as opposed to be being a little disappointed. What I don't understand is that the Indian girl was gorgeous and could make a very good living, but apparently is only available via the crone. Weird.