most embarrassing thing you've done on a punt?

[Jindybandy]

Had a punt in Leeds the other day where we have a 'Hilton' Hotel and a 'Double-Tree by Hilton' hotel. I very very nearly went into the wrong hotel and knocked on some poor sod's door in error. Would have been the right number, just wrong bloody building.

Got me thinking, aside from the obvious 'Sgt Major not standing to attention', what's the most embarrassing mishap you've done (or had done to you) on a punt? Anything like mine that was verging on sit-com situations?

[SBM]

I remember once, having just met an escort and during the initial chit-chat, being asked what I liked, to which my response was to start reeling off a list of hobbies, past-times and how I liked to spend my spare time.

Had I been listening properly (rather than admiring the view) and had the blood-flow to my brain not been diminished, I may have realised I was being asked what I liked in the bedroom.  Still, at least I managed to convey my love of restoring cars, if nothing else...

[RedKettle]

Had a punt in Leeds the other day where we have a 'Hilton' Hotel and a 'Double-Tree by Hilton' hotel. I very very nearly went into the wrong hotel and knocked on some poor sod's door in error. Would have been the right number, just wrong bloody building.

Got me thinking, aside from the obvious 'Sgt Major not standing to attention', what's the most embarrassing mishap you've done (or had done to you) on a punt? Anything like mine that was verging on sit-com situations?

funny - had the exact same thing in Leeds for those two hotels.  However it was an outcall and she went to the wrong hotel and the door answered by a confused bloke!!!  Fortunately she then made it to me..

[Sparta Prada]

While in the process of disengaging from an embrace with a girl somehow I ended up head butting her mouth, causing one of her teeth to become loose.

It may come as no surprise to you that the punt ended there and then!

[pumps]

Still, at least I managed to convey my love of restoring cars, if nothing else...

Hows the vauxhall nova 1.2i merit restoration coming along? 

[mrdiamond77]

I visited a parlour in Newport, Gwent which I had been to before, this was about 5 years ago.  I normally pay the girl before the booking starts but the girl said to pay after sex.  Of course I forgot and after leaving the premises I suddenly heard a loud shout from behind me as the boss tried to attract my attention and also threw a few coins at me in case I could not hear her.  There was a busy pub nearby with people sat outside who found it all very amusing.  Thankfully the boss was ok with me and I paid up, red faced, and i would visit the brothel again a week later in which I would shag the boss herself.

[lostandfound]

Given I'm happy knobbing girls in a crowded room at parties without feeling embarrassed, I think the honest answer is I don't get embarassed on punts. I think most people would be embarassed to do what we all get up to all of the time!

[billythedog]

I farted quite loudly whilst giving watersports once, think it was by bladders fault for been over loaded lol. I just acted normal like nothing happened, best part was the wg still rimmed me 

also not been able to get hard in front of a couple of mingers before, but now If i turn up and don't like what I see I just bail out. n00b errors

[Rockhead]

For me it's a constant inability to make showers work. I'm sometimes more nervous about the shower than the punt. 

[Jindybandy]

For me it's a constant inability to make showers work. I'm sometimes more nervous about the shower than the punt. 

Absolutely - I've even had to call for help from the WG once or twice.

These new fangled, modern bathrooms can be a nightmare 

[Students Notebook]

While in the process of disengaging from an embrace with a girl somehow I ended up head butting her mouth, causing one of her teeth to become loose.

It may come as no surprise to you that the punt ended there and then!

I love ALL these stories, particularly this one.

Please keep them coming.

My contribution is that I was giving a WG a little RO when, to my horror, and hers too, my nose started to bleed.

Made a terrible mess.

Always worries me every time now.

S.N.

[somefun]

So we all know about smart phone worries etc.  Any other random stuff that people have been (nearly) caught out with?

As a starter for 10 a heart attack - although in Icky and Auldie's case I think that is their plan.

A random happened to me about a month ago.  I was meeting the Colombian Alinne before she went back to Brazil.  While getting out of the shower I cut my knee.  Alinne's fluffy white towel was destroyed, so back to the room, blood still gushing.  So normally Alinnes lack of English is irrelevant as her mouth is usually round my cock or on my face, but here I needed a plaster to stop the gusher otherwise the bedsheets were in for a bad time.  Eventually I typed plaster into the phone to translate and she smiled and went away ... sorted I thought .. she returned with some cotton wool and cellotape, bless her.

After the punt another shower* where I thought I had dried the "plaster", but 5 mins from home I have a massive wet patch.  How do I explain wet patch ..  How do I explain where I was that caused me to get a cut, but no first aid kit, but cellotape & cotton?  All ended fine.

* always have a shower after these days, after a near miss.

Tonight I lost 2mins time as I was on a yellow - don't want a parking ticket  / speeding fine in an area you can't explain.

[Roth]

Took a piss during a before punt shower and mid-flow the curtain was pulled back and the prossie got in with me.  She wasn't one for watersports either.  Managed to keep my back turned for a good soaping by her first so don't think she noticed though there was the vague smell of piss rising from the steam.  

[MisterD]

 Its not really an embarrassing story, but reading the WS replies made me remember. 

You know how everyone recalls exactly what they were doing when "xxx significant world event" happens.  Well when people ask me do you remember what you were doing when the twin towers came down on 9/11.  Well yes I do, I was at Busshy Belles lying on the floor of the bedroom in 69 position with a lovely young blonde who was unloading her bladder into my mouth and face.  Just at the daft moment the radio news flash came on about the first plane hitting the tower.  After cleaning up, I spent the next hour of so with her and the other girls watching the news broadcast on the TV. 

Not a story I can repeat in public :-)

[uutarn]

Standing at the side of the road with my cock out at my mistress's behest.

[Cum_again]

Giving a good bit of reverse oral, she was bucking around......


Caused me to have a big nosebleed all over her clunge

[punk]

Cum all over the top part of the Woman's hair. 

[threechilliman]

While in the process of disengaging from an embrace with a girl somehow I ended up head butting her mouth, causing one of her teeth to become loose.

It may come as no surprise to you that the punt ended there and then!

I head butted Amazing Victoria No 1 on the nose during a vigorous bout of CG. Fortunately no damage and like a trooper, we carried on. I was mortified at the time.

tcm

[RedKettle]

following the old bird to the bedroom I asked to use the bathroom, she indicated the door and (being keen to get on with the main act) I threw open the door and charged in with my hands undoing my trousers.  Came to a rapid halt a few inches away from a fat chap sat on the loo reading the paper - I suspect that it was her grown up son!!! 

Quickly backtracked out, not saying anything other than a muttered sorry.

That however it not the embarrassing thing - despite knowing that he was there I thought fuck it and went into the bedroom and fucked the old bird.  (She may even have been his Gran - what can I say but I was young, horny and broke - she was £30 for a decent shag and would even do CIM for that.)

[Ali Katt]

Cum all over the top part of the Woman's hair. 

A strong argument for the hihab there.

[newforthisyear]

Mid punt - Door opens, toddler walked in.. I stopped, looked at the girl and literally said "What's that?" Her face was pricless 

It's a story I've repeated after a few drinks to which everyone thought was funny, needless to say I changed "prossie" to "girl I met in town"

[Neal69]

After getting the house number from a WG I had a total brain fart and rung the bell to the next door house to be greeted by an elderly couple. Muttered my excuses and went to the correct door.

Not learning my lesson I had a postcode for a hotel and using Google found the hotel and off I set. When I got the room number I by passed reception and up to the correct floor and knocked on the door, no response, Knocked again and still no response, all this while being eyed up by a maid in the corridor. So I did the only thing I could think of and rang the WG. Turns out I was at the wrong hotel so had to bugger off back to my car for the 2 minute drive to the correct hotel.

Another time I was walking the last bit to the WG premises and I thought I needed a big fart which was better done on the street than in the bedroom. The fart was fine but there was a bit of a follow through. What to do? Carried on to the WG premises and asked to use the bathroom. Thankfully the keks had not been stained so I had a quick clean up and carried on with the punt. I did not ask for rimming BTW.

N

[backofthenet]

Its not really an embarrassing story, but reading the WS replies made me remember. 

You know how everyone recalls exactly what they were doing when "xxx significant world event" happens.  Well when people ask me do you remember what you were doing when the twin towers came down on 9/11.  Well yes I do, I was at Busshy Belles lying on the floor of the bedroom in 69 position with a lovely young blonde who was unloading her bladder into my mouth and face.  Just at the daft moment the radio news flash came on about the first plane hitting the tower.  After cleaning up, I spent the next hour of so with her and the other girls watching the news broadcast on the TV. 

Not a story I can repeat in public :-)

that's one hell of a first post

[bungle2211]

Had a punt recently when the wife was away for a few days and the WG was lying on her back as I gave her oral. She really bucked and pushed her groin hard into my mouth as she orgasmed. Continued with the punt as normal. When I got back to the car I looked in the mirror and my bottom lip and just below was heavily bruised. I was bruising easily at the time for some reason and told the wife I'd hit myself in the face with a cupboard door when she got home!!

[Malvolio]

Silliest thing I've done is book a punt in the afternoon of the day I flew back home from Australia.  All went well until I came - at that point the jetlag kicked in with a vengeance and I had to go and stick my head under the shower for a few minutes to get my system going again.  This was perhaps 15 minutes into an hour-long punt - one thing I have learned is that booking an hour long punt after 20+ hours on a plane and 36+ hours without any proper sleep is a bit ambitious.

[muffherwell91]

I have chapped the wrong door before. A guy answered and I mentioned the working girls name. He looked puzzled which prompted me to talk some gibberish to him. I suspect he knew what I was up to, however, I made my excuses and finally made my way to the correct address. Very embarrassing. 

[myothernameis]

My work place and a massage parlour shared the same phone number, separated by one digit, and one day I phoned my work, and kept asking is Janice in, would like to book her for 1 hr; work phone no.  123 4567; massage parlour phone no, 124 4567

Luckily the girl in the pub didn't recognize my voice

[agent47]

Having a lengthy punt with a regular of mine after round one we decide to order drinks to the room I'm chillin back on the bed with cock and balls hanging out and nickers bra and condom wrappers on the floor , the girl bringing the drinks practical pushed past wg at the door and walks straight into the room. Then after are session we head down to the bar for some more drinks and the same girl serves us at the bar 

[muffherwell91]

Then after are session we head down to the bar for some more drinks and the same girl serves us at the bar 

You should have asked her to join you in the room.   

[will-ow]

i once broke a girls bed...not by anything fun, i sat down too hard when i was putting my socks back on at the end....

[JW.Bobbitt]

For me it's a constant inability to make showers work. I'm sometimes more nervous about the shower than the punt. 

Having had numerous mishaps and not professing to be RodneyTheRocketScientist, I now ensure that the maximum distance is 30min of air-conditioned travel.

Therefore I can dispense with the shower & towel (which one? where to leave it? - their pet peeve) pre-action conundrum.

What with travel chaos, female navigation directions, surreptitiously loitering whilst awaiting the summons, bracing yourself for the potential horror behind the door.....I don't need added complications.

The post-coital endorphin rush, coupled with not needing to disguise the aroma of cheap scent, oil, Halfords axle grease (lube) etc. after I have left,
means no shower and a little victory of denying them the pleasure of immediately frantically typing
"did his mother not teach him to...." on the WhiningWhoreWeb   

[agent47]

You should have asked her to join you in the room.   

Nah reception had my card details they would've charged me extra when I left 

[Roth]

You should have asked her to join you in the room.   

Presumably for ROOM FULL SERVICE

[Students Notebook]

Standing at the side of the road with my cock out at my mistress's behest.

Lucky you weren't arrested.

Uutarn, please PM me the name of this mistress (mainly so I can avoid her), does her name begin with K ?

S.N.

[Roth]

I have chapped the wrong door before. A guy answered and I mentioned the working girls name. He looked puzzled which prompted me to talk some gibberish to him. I suspect he knew what I was up to, however, I made my excuses and finally made my way to the correct address. Very embarrassing. 

Did the same here -

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=61433.0

Punt was at her sisters place in a new development and who she kicked out so that I could come along for a fuck. Her sis drives past me further down the road - should of given her a happy wave. Plan was to arrive at the address and open door without knocking and just walk in as if I owned the place so as to stop any suspicion with the neighbours.  Funny ol thing I had my deaf ears and dozy brain on and I got to a house a fair few doors down that I was convinced was hers.  Walked up to door and was about to walk in but my spider senses were tingling badly. Didn't  know why but I turn around and walked up the road a bit and sure enough her car - she'd told me about but I forgot - was parked outside the front door and in I goes.  Very good punt but the alternative doesn't bare thinking about.

[DrGFreeman]

I had done my business and was dressed with the girl about to show me out
I would not call her an 'escort' - her and the flat were pretty rough
suddenly there a loud knock on the door and she goes to peer through the peephole
'ah, its only my brother' she declares and flings the door wide open...
and me and this young dude carrying shopping bags are staring at each other - what the fuck do you say ?

I think I managed 'allright ?' and then had to edge out past him and his bags as he was now inside the door

only 5 seconds of embarrassment, but I still cringe 15 years later

[Lister]

Went for a quick punt on the way to the airport when I was flying out on business. I put all my valuables, laptop etc in the boot and managed to lock my car keys in the boot! 

Called the AA and they turned up and managed to break into the car without any damage and retrieve the keys but it took over 2 hours and I missed my plane. had to explain to colleagues abroad that I was delayed in traffic  - just grateful my car was not damaged - difficult to explain that to OH especially as it happened in a town well away from the airport.

To cap it all the WG called it off at the last minute so I didn't even get a shag.

[threechilliman]

Went for a quick punt on the way to the airport when I was flying out on business. I put all my valuables, laptop etc in the boot and managed to lock my car keys in the boot! 

Called the AA and they turned up and managed to break into the car without any damage and retrieve the keys but it took over 2 hours and I missed my plane. had to explain to colleagues abroad that I was delayed in traffic  - just grateful my car was not damaged - difficult to explain that to OH especially as it happened in a town well away from the airport.

To cap it all the WG called it off at the last minute so I didn't even get a shag.

Fucking hell! A last minute let-down and then the arsing about retrieving your keys. I'd have been well and truly pissed off with my day.

tcm

[Murray Mint]

I suspect ringing the wrong bell isn’t that uncommon. I did it just a couple of weeks ago. By an unfortunate coincidence a flat in an adjacent street almost next to the WG I was going to see had the same number. I rang it, immediately realised what I’d done and quickly moved on. A bit of an adult version of ‘knock down ginger’ I guess!

Then, some years ago, there was a WG who had her working premises adjacent to some business offices in Wharf Road in London. She had warned me not to confuse her bell with one of the adjacent ones for the offices. Well, I did, and I guess my startled look when a bloke opened the door told him it wasn’t him I’d come to see. Without saying a word he pointed to the adjacent bell and closed the door!

[Murray Mint]

Whilst not strictly an embarrassment on a punt, I discovered a few years ago that one of my neighbours was a part-time receptionist at the GUM clinic! Fortunately, our paths had never crossed, and for a while I had to make sure I went to the clinic when I knew she wasn’t working.

[the_exile]

Rang the wrong bell at some flats - think the bloke knew who I was looking for - and nearly went to the wrong house once. Saved there by the woman who answered the phone coming to the back door and waving frantically.

Once had such a powerful orgasm that I was just out of it and drooled all over the girl's leg, which was over my shoulder at the time. Fortunately it was someone I'd seen many times before and she saw the funny side. Wish I could cum that strongly more often!

Only had one where I bumped into someone I wasn't expecting, when I discovered the Chinese guy who sometimes answered the phone had been sitting at the computer in the room right next to the one I'd been in with the girl. That didn't really bother me, as before I'd talked to him about sex and WGs when I had been waiting for the previous customer to finish, just a bit surprised to find him there.

[SBM]

Hows the vauxhall nova 1.2i merit restoration coming along? 

Very slowly - still haven't got the dent out of the bonnet or that stain out of the back seat...   

[playpal69]

Fell asleep once in a parlour, when I woke I had to pay extra as I'd gone over the half hour 

[hantshagger]

i once broke a girls bed...not by anything fun, i sat down too hard when i was putting my socks back on at the end....

At least it wasnt earlier in the session!!   

I like this thread topic, some interesting experiences! 

One that chimed with me, was booking a girl after a long flight.   I nearly did that, as she was in Heathrow area, and thought it would make sense to meet when I was in the area!  Luckily, she couldnt do my times in the end, and i was not in a good place after the long flight, so in the end was happy to wait!

I have made the error of booking a girl and meeting her, then going on to a sex party later in the day.  Wasnt the best for me, as had emptied my sack, and hadnt had time to recover.

Possibly most embarressing, was having to tell the wife where i was - when she called - during a hot steamy session with a WG a few doors away....

[Technicolour_trilby]

Visited a Thai lassie, must be 10 years ago now. She spoke very little English but had basic "sex talk" communication however I had some difficulty conveying I wanted doggy style. No problem, out came the iphone (new fangled thing as it was) and gestured for me to type onto the screen, which I duly did and the machine blurted out a robotic "oo ka sawa huta tow" sort of thing, she looked confused, went into the bathroom and brought back a bright orange sponge and a look on her face as if to say..."alright, now what?"

Eventually conveyed the request via some 'let's do the time warp' style arm and hip thrusting.

[glasscentre2]

Absolutely - I've even had to call for help from the WG once or twice.

These new fangled, modern bathrooms can be a nightmare 

Ha ha, same with me... I was with the lovely Lucy Love (before she gave up escorting, a crying shame!) and I just couldn't figure the shower out. Lucy was very tolerant.

[oohisay]

Towards the end of a particularly vigorous 69 session, I accidently knocked her mouth with my knee. On coming up for air, I noticed what seemed to be blood on her split lip. Felt really bad, apologised profusely, but on closer inspection, all I had done was knock the make up off a cold sore. On the very lips that seconds earlier had been wrapped around my uncovered knob. Not happy, an earlier than anticipated visit to the GUM clinic followed a few days later.

[backofthenet]

Visited a Thai lassie, must be 10 years ago now. She spoke very little English but had basic "sex talk" communication however I had some difficulty conveying I wanted doggy style. No problem, out came the iphone (new fangled thing as it was) and gestured for me to type onto the screen, which I duly did and the machine blurted out a robotic "oo ka sawa huta tow" sort of thing, she looked confused, went into the bathroom and brought back a bright orange sponge and a look on her face as if to say..."alright, now what?"

Eventually conveyed the request via some 'let's do the time warp' style arm and hip thrusting.

this is absolutely tremendous

[Roth]

Towards the end of a particularly vigorous 69 session, I accidently knocked her mouth with my knee. On coming up for air, I noticed what seemed to be blood on her split lip. Felt really bad, apologised profusely, but on closer inspection, all I had done was knock the make up off a cold sore. On the very lips that seconds earlier had been wrapped around my uncovered knob. Not happy, an earlier than anticipated visit to the GUM clinic followed a few days later.

That's worth a negative review IMHO.   Do you have a link?

[Mr Laybier]

I once walked out of a shower only to release a thunderous rip-roaring fart,complete with lingering cabbage and vindaloo stench,just as my masseuse was sat on the bed ready to say hello.