I’m going to start saying ‘Yes’
I am going to start seeing the best and positive in people. I am going to stop referring to Pinxton as a shit hole. I am going to be a good Catholic. I’m going to support Hilary Clinton.
‘Yes’ is for young people. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying ‘Yes’ begins things. Saying ‘yes’ is how things grow. Saying ‘Yes’ leads to knowledge. Saying ‘Yes’ leads to love. ‘Yes’ is for young people.
And so I find myself driving headlong into Pinxton and the Directors Lodge. And I am thinking about the battle of the Somme and how this town would’ve made a human contribution to that, and it’s the hottest day of the year so far and I start to imagine what it was like to dig trenches in this kind of heat. The car temperature gauge is up to nearly 90.
I’m seeing Demi – she’s new – her pictures look great and she looks like she has a fit body on her. So the receptionist lets me in and I’m upstairs and she is making small talk about the weather and I’m like checking out the well used porn mags on the bed – I can’t remember the last time I wanked over a porn mag. It must be years ago – maybe 10 years ago, but they still sell them and I am looking forward to flicking through the pages and having an old school wank whilst I wait for Demi. And the receptionist takes my £12. And as soon as she’s gone, I’m selecting a porn mag and I’m starting to have a nice wank over a picture of a girl in leather boots with long jet black hair. She looks a bit like LucieBee and then I start to imagine her as a nazi concentration camp guard as per my previous thoughts on LucieBee - with the whip and German Sheppard and this makes me shudder, so I turn the page further on and find that some have been stuck together by previous clients.
And then low and behold, Demi walks in and fuck me she has a stunning body on her and I reckon that the pictures on the web site are definitely of her. She is tanned with an awesome pair of bolt on tits, long legs, nice big arse, shaven pussy and tanned. So she asks me what I’m into and I’m like just get me fucked up on poppers and we will take it from there love and she is immediately opening up the bottle and even though this is something she has not done before she takes to it very well indeed and she is giving me the bottle and even counting down from 10 and all the time I am thinking about wanting to get my tongue up her shitter and cunt. And next thing she is on her back, her legs pulled right up in the air, she’s spitting on her hand and then slapping her pussy and this looks awesome and then I am down there and she is getting in every possible position to accommodate my tongue and she’s pulling her arse open for me and then she’s asking me to stick it in her cunt and this type of talk is all good. And whilst I’m down there I’m thinking about the poor fuckers in the Somme and how some would die before having the pleasure of licking out a women’s cunt or having a proper shag or even experiencing love or closeness. And the thought of this brings me back to the current moment just as Demi is telling me how many cock’s she’s had in her fanny today and I’m thinking about how she would’ve loved it one the Western Front in one of them French or Belgian towns, entertaining the Tommies and taking bucket loads of spunk everyday in every hole and washing out the rubber johnny for the next poor fucker, enjoying his last shag before going over the top.
And then, Demi is on her back with her legs pulled right up and she is fingering her cunt and asking me whether I would like to see her shove her fingers up her arse hole and this is something I have to say sounds joyous and she has them poised in her arse and she is telling me that for this it will cost me an extra 20 notes and I’m giving this serious consideration – however, I’m also close to coming and I’m totally fucked on poppers so I come loudly and abundantly all over that little piece of tissue they always put down on the bed. And Demi is reaching for the wet wipes. And then she tells me that she also works or has worked at VIP in Nottingham and I find this interesting as the parlour scene must be quite different from the escorting in terms of money etc. and at this point the old radar is going as I normally pay £60 for this service. So anyhow we carry on talking and I get dressed and them I get 3 £20 notes out and hand them over and in my peripheral vision I can see her unfolding and counting out the money and she goes ‘It’s 70 love’ and I’m like well it is with oral and that’s what I would pay normally – so she is like ‘well I charge £70’. So then I have to get a bit more direct – and I am thinking well I could pay it and it’s only a tenner but for some reason I decide to be an awkward cunt – which generally comes natural to me and is my default position anyhow. So I goes ‘well you should’ve said that right at the outset not now’. Demi asks me whether I’ve got any change on me at all and I’m like no love. It’s a bit tense and I give her the stare and then she starts softening and saying that I can give her a tip next time – and I goes ‘what makes you think there will be a next time’ and quite frankly she doesn’t know what to say back to me other than ‘I’ll show you out’ – but she doesn’t need to as I’m on my way down the stairs and through the lounge area and there’s an client waiting and he clocks me and I smile and nod and he looks like he’s been caught with his hand in the till and the classic rabbit in headlights look. And I let myself out and I smile. But I also feel guilty about being such an awkward cunt.
So much for saying ‘Yes’ from now on.
And I’m in the car driving back to Mansfield in sweltering heat and as I turn a corner I see a group of about a dozen men in a field, naked to the waist, digging a hole about twenty yards square and I can’t figure out what they are doing. It seems to have no agricultural purpose – there’s no planting or ploughing to be done. And I imagine for a moment that they are digging trenches and mass graves. And as I pass by, I think of Dulce et Decorum Est and the line which always haunted me as a child - ‘And watch his white eyes writhing in his face, His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin’. Fucking hell. I feel cold.
I with that disturbing thought in my head, I put on Rememberence Day by B-Movie. I think I will start with ‘Yes’ tomorrow.