External Link/Members OnlyFor me punting is about trying new things. If I just wanted to get my rocks off I'd have a wank but I like to experiment with lifes little pleasures and as I've never been to a massage parlor before I thought 'why not?'
The shop is right on the high street so not very discreet but looks like a decent enough place. Until I found UKP I never knew that these acupuncture places were knocking shops in disguise so maybe it's discreet enough as hiding in plain sight
Girl on the till very nice looking. Took my £40 for 1 Hr massage and led me to a room in back where I stripped off. Knock on the door and another lady entered. I was hoping for the girl on the front desk but alas it seems that she is just the receptionist. My girl was maybe mid 30's, not good looking but not ugly but had this stupid gormless smile on her face the whole time. She kind of looked like a retard and maybe she was but I'm equal opportunities and didn't fancy calling her out on her IQ while locked in a small room with her. Shower in the room, massage table, small sink and that's the lot.
She invited me to lay down which I did face down. She gave me 40 minutes of quite an amazing massage actually. Felt good on my back, arms, neck and legs. Trust the Asians to find a use for the common retard other than pushing shopping trolleys.
When she went for my ass and legs she was doing the ball swipes I've read so much about which was lucky as I had no clue how I should proceed with getting extras. I've read on here that I should moan convincingly when she swipes but it all felt a bit slapstick so I just opened my legs more and she swiped more so I think we were on the same page.
Invited me to turn over and she started massaging my chest. Now I could see the stupid smile again I was a bit put off but she whispered in my ear "you want special massage?". Fuck me, up to this point she spoke hardly at all and when I tried to converse she didn't understand what I was saying. Guess she's like rainman, focused on the job at hand, no time to learn social skills. Anyway, I said yes and she whispered again "Happy ending?" I said yes again and asked how much. She asked how much I wanted to pay. Well, stupid question as I didn't want to pay fuck all but I suggested £20 and she started to massage my balls, then cock.
I asked if I could put my hand on her arse and legs but she didn't understand. Just kept saying "clothes off?" and "body to body?" so I guess these were on the cards but I didn't want it so just dropped the subject.
On with the HR, quite delightful, lots of oil, kept going after I finished which was nice. Problem is she kept looking at me with that stupid face and every time she did I felt my cock losing the will to live. Also noted that her breath stank
Took a shower after with some watered down soap and scraped the remaining oil off with the towel
In summary, new experience which I was happy about. Got a handjob and a good massage. The lady was not a looker but was good at what she does
£40 1 Hour massage
£20 HR
B2B may have been on the cards
Said her name was Wendy but she may have been telling porkies
Positive service, negative attractiveness, balances to a neutral. Obviously YMMV and perhaps if it wasn't a Wednesday morning they would have lined up the superstars
