Fat pile of lazy Hungarian blubber

[BillGoldberg]

External Link/Members Only

I have myself to blame (mostly)

Hour to kill, tired, insanely horny and wanting instant gratification, brain malfunctioning as a result

Typed 'london', 'city of westminster', 'escorts', 'incall' and 'tits' into the AW search parameters

'Big tits Amy' was one of the few results that popped up
Tits big, looked ok in the pics, made the booking 

Date: Thursday 19 May, 12:30 noon

Booking: 1 hour incall

Location: One of those typically crappy yet vastly overpriced flats in sprawling blocks close to euston/warren street tubes

Girl: Similar to pics except uglier in person and with a gut that'd make Bernard Manning envious

So why the fuck didnt I walk ?
Yes !
Very good question
Been asking myself the same question ever since

See above: horny, tired, brain malfunctioning

The meet:

I was horny and in a rush and had no plan B, so after seeing her I just thought, "fuck it, I'll just get a happy ending and a massage"
The dedicated massage table in the corner of the room made me think this was probably the best and most practical solution to elicit the required orgasm

Her massage technique was like every other aspect of her 'service'
Performing the same listless motion, distractedly, with no variation, no attempt at even feigned sensuality, with a bored expression, sighing every so often and offering little to no conversation

I then said, "how about some oral", based on her AW reviews she was allegedly good at this
Her reply, "no, you're covered in oil.....not good" (due to previous award winning 'worst and dullest massage performed by fattest most bored looking masseuse in London 2016")

I just couldnt be arsed to argue

I opted for hand relief
Same as above, and would get tired after a few minutes and then stop, sighing, looking and acting bored, would then start again, with no variation, then stop, tired, start again, stop....yawn

After a while she said "now you do...I tired"

You get the picture

She also clockwatched throughout

So, to sum up, 45 minutes into a 1 hour booking she gives up, no apology, very little effort, I give up, take a shower then leave, no orgasm, hour 'killed' (stone dead)

Price paid: £80

Summary: I may as well have gone home and then flushed four £20 notes down the toilet whilst attempting to whack off to Jabba The Hutt clips on youtube

Recommended ? - You must be joking

Avoid this vast, unsightly sack of lazy, clockwatching Hungarian lard

(As if you needed to be told)

Definitely one of those "what the fuck was I thinking moments ???!"

 

[droplet]

Judging by the pic alone you must had been desperately horny you couldnt think straight lol.

Best thing to do in that situation is just have a wank. Afterwards you feel you did yourself a huge favour.

[hendrix]

I love that she says if she's busy, she "maybe having a snack"  no shit sherlock.

Sorry you wasted your money, hope the next one is better

[MrMatrix]

bad luck OP. However it could be in the running for the funniest review of the year. Yup you must have been very horny and desperate. You know we guys never seem to learn that the little fella can cause us a lot of grief. He'sometimes has a mind of his own

[BillGoldberg]

I love that she says if she's busy, she "maybe having a snack"  no shit sherlock.

Sorry you wasted your money, hope the next one is better

 

Yeah, "Having a snack.........should be finished by next tuesday"

 

[smiths]

External Link/Members Only

I have myself to blame (mostly)

Hour to kill, tired, insanely horny and wanting instant gratification, brain malfunctioning as a result

Typed 'london', 'city of westminster', 'escorts', 'incall' and 'tits' into the AW search parameters

'Big tits Amy' was one of the few results that popped up
Tits big, looked ok in the pics, made the booking 

Date: Thursday 19 May, 12:30 noon

Booking: 1 hour incall

Location: One of those typically crappy yet vastly overpriced flats in sprawling blocks close to euston/warren street tubes

Girl: Similar to pics except uglier in person and with a gut that'd make Bernard Manning envious

So why the fuck didnt I walk ?
Yes !
Very good question
Been asking myself the same question ever since

See above: horny, tired, brain malfunctioning

The meet:

I was horny and in a rush and had no plan B, so after seeing her I just thought, "fuck it, I'll just get a happy ending and a massage"
The dedicated massage table in the corner of the room made me think this was probably the best and most practical solution to elicit the required orgasm

Her massage technique was like every other aspect of her 'service'
Performing the same listless motion, distractedly, with no variation, no attempt at even feigned sensuality, with a bored expression, sighing every so often and offering little to no conversation

I then said, "how about some oral", based on her AW reviews she was allegedly good at this
Her reply, "no, you're covered in oil.....not good" (due to previous award winning 'worst and dullest massage performed by fattest most bored looking masseuse in London 2016")

I just couldnt be arsed to argue

I opted for hand relief
Same as above, and would get tired after a few minutes and then stop, sighing, looking and acting bored, would then start again, with no variation, then stop, tired, start again, stop....yawn

After a while she said "now you do...I tired"

You get the picture

She also clockwatched throughout

So, to sum up, 45 minutes into a 1 hour booking she gives up, no apology, very little effort, I give up, take a shower then leave, no orgasm, hour 'killed' (stone dead)

Price paid: £80

Summary: I may as well have gone home and then flushed four £20 notes down the toilet whilst attempting to whack off to Jabba The Hutt clips on youtube

Recommended ? - You must be joking

Avoid this vast, unsightly sack of lazy, clockwatching Hungarian lard

(As if you needed to be told)

Definitely one of those "what the fuck was I thinking moments ???!"

 

Thanks for the review, that's two negatives out of two on here, at least on this A/W numbered profile link. Sorry to hear it was diabolical.

[vw]

Sorry to hear about the shit punt.

Fantastic title for a review though really does sum it up !   

[nigel4498]

Kudos to you Bill for having as much guts as she has to post the review.

[nervyfooker]

Appallingly shit.Classic self inflicted crap punt,her profile screams out
ugly fat bird.

You would have got a much better service if you had dangled some chocolates
just out of her reach,or squirted whipped cream on your cock.

[BillGoldberg]

Appallingly shit.Classic self inflicted crap punt,her profile screams out
ugly fat bird.

You would have got a much better service if you had dangled some chocolates
just out of her reach,or squirted whipped cream on your cock.

Yeah yeah yeah I know I know I know 
Said as much myself

It's just that I so so so rarely have these now, having built up 20 or so years of punting experience

Hence, my "what the fuck was I thinking??" comment

Rare moment of extreme weakness on my part

[yumyum3]

Fat pile of lazy Hungarian blubber

Sorry to hear about this, Bill, but fuck you made me laugh.

It's just that I so so so rarely have these now, having built up 20 or so years of punting experience

Indeed. I fucked up in similar fashion with "Hungarian Pornstar" or whatever the scamming cunts name is now a while back.
I think the whale you failed to harpoon last Thursday used to sell her blowhole in the Baron's Court area with that Hungarian group that get badly reviewd on here from time-to-time. She looks like the Milky Bar Kid's sister who ate all his Milky Bars. 

[The_Don]

Sorry to hear about this, Bill, but fuck you made me laugh.  Indeed. I fucked up in similar fashion with "Hungarian Pornstar" or whatever the scamming cunts name is now a while back.
I think the whale you failed to harpoon last Thursday used to sell her blowhole in the Baron's Court area with that Hungarian group that get badly reviewd on here from time-to-time. She looks like the Milky Bar Kid's sister who ate all his Milky Bars. 

She also worked just off the A406 in Bounds Green

[SamLP]

The worst thing about this is that it wasn't even an expensive wank as you didn't cum. Must have been worse leaving with heavy balls & a lighter wallet.
Funny review but sorry to hear about your experience. Glad I didn't get to see her now when I wrote my review.

[BillGoldberg]

The worst thing about this is that it wasn't even an expensive wank as you didn't cum. Must have been worse leaving with heavy balls & a lighter wallet.
Funny review but sorry to hear about your experience. Glad I didn't get to see her now when I wrote my review.

Odd thing was, I wasn't at all horny any more, even with a sack still full to bursting,  after leaving the scuzzy domicile of this bespectacled rancid EU butter mountain

(can't think why???!)

[BillGoldberg]

Sorry to hear about this, Bill, but fuck you made me laugh.  Indeed. I fucked up in similar fashion with "Hungarian Pornstar" or whatever the scamming cunts name is now a while back.
I think the whale you failed to harpoon last Thursday used to sell her blowhole in the Baron's Court area with that Hungarian group that get badly reviewd on here from time-to-time. She looks like the Milky Bar Kid's sister who ate all his Milky Bars. 

I did notice several other, unsmiling, sour faced cunts in the flat while I was there

Perhaps this is the same  group of parasitic bottom feeder money hoovers you mentioned?

[Dead Wood]

Summary: I may as well have gone home and then flushed four £20 notes down the toilet whilst attempting to whack off to Jabba The Hutt clips on youtube

But Bill, you made us all laugh. Every cloud has a sliver lining...

[Mr Farkyhars]

Would it be possible to change the review title to something more informative?

[europunter]

.... after leaving the scuzzy domicile of this bespectacled rancid EU butter mountain

 

Well put, sir. You've painted a picture that leaves very little to the imagination!

[worldpunter]

 Bill  , you must learn the art of putting one foot in front of the other . It's called walking .  Sorry to read about this disaster . w.p.

[Simplyred]

Bill, two things:

1. While I'm very sorry for your awful experience, you must know that you've written one of the best (and equally informative)  reviews of the year.  i spit my tea laughing.  It started when I clicked on the link, mostly because God, we've all been in that moment where you just lose your mind horny and anything seems reasonable.  Think of the punters you've spared through your selfless self immolation.

2. You need to go screw a fit Thai bird to get that taste out of your mouth.  Sounds like this Elsa is decent work and if need be old Apple pie can show you the tradesmans for the better part of a half hour.  Worst case take a quick trip to Brighton.

That or EVA is running specials at the moment

[Brazilian Martian]

Wtf wtf no excuses you paid that heffa I would not touch her even in my personal life away from punting why did you not stick with the usual thai escorts you visit ?

[pumps]

major lapse of judgement....we've all been there 

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[pumps]

she actually looked pregnant in this one



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[punk]

she actually looked pregnant in this one



Hidden Image/Members Only

 

[Tonyleung]

Thanks for review OP. 

This WG has had previous profiles (and previous bad reviews)

[webpunter]

Kudos to you Bill for having as much guts as she has to post the review.

+1 least we all had a laugh.  "I have myself to blame (mostly)"   Mostly ? Normally the considered response is along the lines of:  thanks OP for TOFTT.  Not in this case.  99%+ of UKP members wouldn't even consider a burd looking like a rotokeg    There is a positive - punting for you can only be on an upward trajectory !

[nervyfooker]

she actually looked pregnant in this one



Hidden Image/Members Only

i think she just swallowed a turkey-whole.
Resembles Sarah Millican's ugly sister.

[claretandblue]

Good on you for reviewing op, she looks like a complete moose 

[yumyum3]

I did notice several other, unsmiling, sour faced cunts in the flat while I was there

Perhaps this is the same  group of parasitic bottom feeder money hoovers you mentioned?

Well I don't know, Bill.  Perhaps they've moved from scamming people in Baron's Court to being completely useless in Euston. Being near the station, it is probably very handy for consuming vast amounts of lard from the numerous take aways on tap.