External Link/Members OnlyCautionary note - this won't be a pornalicious review unless you really, really like The Prodigy. There was some sex involved but not much as I'd paid the inevitable price for drinking far too much rum, and in any case I don't really remember it... It may not even belong in the Reviews section, but since it's a report about time spent with a hooker I'll give it a go.
Earlier in the week Ameera texted me to say she was thinking of getting Prodigy tickets for one of the two Ally Pally nights. They're an amazing live band so naturally I said I was jealous, gutted etc. 'Well why not come along? I'll be going with Hazel - it'll be great'. I thought long and hard for about 2 milliseconds and said yes, and then figured out all the subterfuge I'd need to get this past the other half. Oh, including a night away as the gig was a late one - midnight to 3am. Real but distant work friends are very useful, all social media was off for the night, and thank god it's a band the old trout is never going to want to see.
So, giddy like a teenager I turned up at Ameera's with all the kit for mojitos. We managed about 1 each before most of the bottle went down as shots, and we left to deliver tickets, drink beer in the cab, stop for a giggly piss, and generally dick around like I usually do with A. Cut a long story short, we got to the venue, drank more beer, amazingly managed to meet up with Hazel and then went a bit nuts for 2 hours.
If you're really interested, here's someone else's review of the night:
External Link/Members Only. Needless to say it was fucking fantastic.
We were covered in booze and sweat and bruises, I had ruined my trainers and managed to lose Ameera's coat - all the signs of a good gig. It was about 2 at this point so we took an Uber back to civilisation via a kebab shop (Ameera flirting outrageously with the driver, telling him what she was going to do with his tahini sauce - I'm sure you get the picture). We packed Hazel off home in the car and stayed up for another couple of hours, boozing, dancing, fucking at some point (the evidence was clear in the morning, condoms all over the place, dildos on the sofa) but I don't remember it and I guarantee it was a piss-poor performance on my part...
We went to bed eventually - 5 maybe? Both slept like dead things until 11 or so, and then kept going. Tequila and coconut water, breakfast of champions. I had to ease off at some point in order to drive home with out killing anyone, but Ameera kept going. She's hardcore, far more so than me. So we drank, chatted, danced some more, planned our next session (turning my imminent KDD booking into a duo, can't wait!), booked the next gig (she went back to the Prodigy that same evening - like I say, hardcore - and we're going to a British Summertime thing later in June). One of her mates came round with fags and booze as we'd run out by this point, it was a proper lazy hangover day.
I eventually sobered up enough to leave. Ameera was flying, getting ready for her next night out. And I drove home in time for supper with the wife, kids and mother-in-law. You can imagine how utterly bizarre that felt. A great meeting though and one that proves the argument for me that hookers can be friends.
